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MyLifeHisWill
Posts:184
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| 02/25/2009 9:15 PM |
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Dating....what are your opinions? I mean, I do have a "boyfriend" ... but we don't do much of anything (cept coffee) alone together, and we dont even hold hands....basically he's my best friend in the whole world who happens to tell me, "I love you" and calls me sweetie  and who I plan on, if its God's will, spending the rest of my life with...I mean, GOD is and must always be center and poeple know we love eachother....what is your opinion on this? I mean, he is the most amazing guy...he'd never push me to do anything...he sits next to me and keeps it clean...he loves me no matter how crazy I am...he listens to me cry...he lifts my spirit when im broken...he's always by my side through it all. He always has been. We were best friends LONG before anything more came of it......so dating....what do you think??? |
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I don't want to just "live" I want to experience life. |
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artyprincess
Posts:224
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| 02/26/2009 3:09 AM |
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I think your kind of dating - well it's really NOT dating is pretty much just the step beyond best friends. I think it sounds fine! So long as you are of a mature age, or are mature enough to handle it.
I personally don't want to date, I would rather do lots of stuff together with our families, and perhaps when we both know we're ready and able to be trusted, we'll go out together (in safe environments...) and stuff like that. No dark movie theatres and things like that! I also want to save my first kiss for my wedding day, so I wouldn't want to jeopardize that by going out alone before we know we can trust our feelings. But that's still a LOOONG way down the track!
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God Can. |
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MyLifeHisWill
Posts:184
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| 02/26/2009 7:05 AM |
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| Oh I definately want my first kiss at the altar! Its been my DREAM for years - and my boyfriend fully respects that. And yea, I mean, we are too young to go on "dates" alone together, we've only had coffee at a public place. The rest of the time we hang out with our friends. I mean, I was convinced I wouldn't date in highschool last year....but somewhere along the line we stepped over the "best friends" into "more than"....he told me he liked me and we just never could step back into just friends, and honestly...im glad we couldn't. I mean, there is alot more responsibility on this level. Purity is a HUGE thing and keeping God first can be difficult...there's alot of pressure going on here...but now that I'm here, I wouldn't trade it for anything. God has definately humbled me and showed me that even though i THOUGHT I had it all planned out - i didn't, HE did. I thought i knew exactly when, how, and where I'd meet my first boyfriend! College....you know? Not when I'm still a new highschooler! My mom laughed and said she had always prayed I'd fall in love young....and guess what? I did. Its makes the journey longer and harder - but I'm trusting that if God wants this to turn into FOREVER, He's gunna lead it that way. He brought us togehter, we are doing this HIS way, and in the end - He decides the end.... |
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I don't want to just "live" I want to experience life. |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 02/26/2009 4:52 PM |
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may i ask how old you are, then, MLHW?
IMO, dating is the world's view of pursuing love. courting is God's way. i mean, when i was courting my ex, we would say to people, "we're dating" but if they asked anything further, we would say, "it's actually courting, because..."
dating is exclusive. it's excluding your family, friends, everybody. courting is inclusive. it's including everybody in your life.
i agree, i'm going to be very non-physical with my future husband. i have like, a list of "standards" (seriously) that i could post, if y'all would really read it. :] |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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MyLifeHisWill
Posts:184
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| 02/27/2009 7:10 AM |
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| mmm I so knew that question would appear lol - I am 15 as of rite now - He is a year and a half older than i am - and i know I am probably WAY too young to even consider loving someone, and like isaid I never thought it would get here. But even when I tried to keep things totally friend after he told me, it didn't work out that way. And he is my best friend and I cant loose him. I agree that being exclusive is wrong - but you see, we arnt - My mom is a huge part of our relationsip - she guides us and has even talked to him on the phone - they text alot too. He comes to my little brother's bball games and I got to his with his family. We hang out at youth group and chill with all our frineds. I mean he cant even drive me anyway so its not like we are going out alone. I plan on bringing him to my family parties in a few years, and I'll go to his...when we hang out normally my friends and then my little sis and bro hang out too....we include everyone possible, even tho we enjoy those short 1hour times when we are at coffee togehter....anyway I would loveto hear your standards - mine are very strict so there is nothing you could say that would shock me lol so plzzz write em here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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I don't want to just "live" I want to experience life. |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 02/27/2009 9:01 AM |
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haha, okay sounds good, i will. :] i've had this in a word document for ages (like probably a year) and i keep adding stuff as i think of it. so it's probably never going to be done! i'd love to hear all of your standards, too. here goes:
My Standards for My Dating Relationship:
[In no specific order, except this first one, haha]:
1. He must be saved, of course. He must be on the same spiritual level as me. We must be able to understand each other fully when we talk about God, spirituality, etc.
2. We won’t date until both of our parents believe we’re completely ready to take that step.
3. We’ll only hang out with our families and in group settings. With just my sister or his little brother isn’t legit in the slightest!
4. We’ll agree to the standards his and our parents set out for us. If his parents somehow aren’t in the picture/don’t care, that’s no excuse! We’ll still obey mine.
5. We’ll only hold hands sometimes (and right now i'm iffy on even that) and give goodbye hugs. We don’t need to hold hands 24/7 or be clinging to each other like lint on fleece. And the goodbye hugs will not be three minute caressing sessions. A quickie will certainly do.
6. We won’t put ourselves in compromising situations. Ex. - being alone in his car, being alone in my/his house, being in my/his room alone, etc.
7. We’ll get to know each other in groups and with our families. Ex. – youth group, amusement parks, going out to eat with my/his family.
8. He will not caress any part of my body between my shoulders and my knees. Yeah, that may sound a little prudent. But that includes my thighs, my backside, my lower back, my stomach, and my chest. So, if he’s standing next to me and wants to put his arm around me, it’ll hafta be around my shoulders…no where else bucco!
9. We’ll pray for each other, but only in groups. We’ll read the Bible together, possibly get a devotional, but we’ll do it in the presence of either of our parents. Like, while they’re in the next room and can easily see and hear us.
10. He’ll have to be decisive. I don’t want a guy who beats around the bush about every little thing and can’t make decisions about even the simplest stuff. I don’t want to have to "wear the pants" in the relationship half the time, simply because he won’t step up to the plate.
11. He’ll have to be dependable. No, I don’t want him on my beck and call 24/7. But when he says he’ll do something or be somewhere, he’ll mean it. Or if something comes up and he can’t do it, he’ll have a good reason for it. And he’ll be there to listen to me, even if I’m just rambling and being, well, me. He won’t interrupt me constantly and try to get his own stories in my time. He’ll know I need to talk and want to be there for me when I need him.
12. He’ll have to prove to me that he’s worthy of my emotions and time before we start dating. Whether this means talking to my parents about us, hanging out with me one-on-one, telling me to my face all the sappy stuff you hear, and just plain proving it to me by his actions, then that’s what I want. The most it will mean to me is by his actions. I want to see that I mean a lot to him, not just hear it constantly from him or other people. I want him to make a conscious effort to spend time with me, do things for me, etc. If he can’t do it before the relationship starts, what makes me think he’ll be able to change afterwards?
13. I want him to be outright honest. I'm a blunt person, that's my personality. If he's constantly lying about dumb stuff (ex. "Did you do your homework today?" "Haha, well, yeah! Duh!" when he actually didn't) then that's a major turn-off. The little stuff now will turn into larger stuff later on.
14. He must be consistently respectful to everybody, especially those older than him. If he's only friendly to people when he knows others (or I'm) watching, I will notice, but in a wrong way. If he respects even the Sunday school kids and elders in the church at any and all times like it's second nature, that's a big turn-on.
15. He must be modest himself and value modesty in a girl, both on the inside and out. If he's constantly flirting with girls, but tells me he likes me, that's just stupid and I won't value his words at all. The way he simply carries himself, uses his words, acts towards different people (friends, his family, other families, girls, the elderly) is what I'm on the watch for. If he could care less how he looks/acts most of the time, then why would he care how I look or act either?
16. How he uses his time, too. If he spends his weekends chatting, playing video games, and watching movies and then failing in school, that's also a huge turn-off. I want him to value his days, spend time reading and studying the Bible, and getting his schoolwork done. If he zones at the words "book" or "author", that can be a turn-off, too. I love to read and I at least want my future husband to know the value of a novel and not just the comic strip.
17. He knows the value of a dollar and spends his money wisely. If he's constantly spending his earnings frivolously (if he even has a job, which is a turn-on, guys) and depending on his parents to bail him out most of the time, that's just plain lame. Do I think that'll change once he gets out of high school or married? Nope. |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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artyprincess
Posts:224
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| 02/27/2009 3:30 PM |
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Wow! What a list, Emily!
Well, my 'list' isn't anywhere near as complex as yours..... If any guy can fully pass all of those categories, he'll practically be Mr Perfect, but good on you for sticking to your standards!
My list is basically
1. He must be a Christian who loves God with all his heart
2. He must be respectful to his parents, my parents and those around him and not be out to break the rules
3. He must be considerate of others
4. Being pure would be a definite plus, but if he has stuffed up, and been forgiven by God, then I'm prepared to forgive him, too.
5. He'll have to be prepared for a 'hands-off' relationship!!
6. He must not be lazy, and willing to help when he sees someone needs help.
There's other stuff, but that's the basic 'test' if you want to call it that. My dad wants him to be able to 4 Wheel Drive, because my dad loves that. 
Of course, he must be able to work and support me, consider homeschooling our kids and stuff like that.
So yeah! I'm sure, whoever he is, he'll be perfect for me. Dad has prayed that he'll know both my and my sister's husbands from an early age. That kinda narrows the field down quite dramatically.....
Only time will tell! |
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God Can. |
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Nicole
Posts:547
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| 02/27/2009 3:49 PM |
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| I have to say that after reading your guys' lists about future boyfriends/ spouses, I was like 'wow'. I have something similar to what you guys are saying only i got my standards from my high school bible teacher. The list is way long and it would take up too much space. haha. But my belief is that the higher the standards the better; i don't mean like IMPOSSIBLY high or anything, but a quality guy will fulfill your high standards and he's more likely to love you for who you are and not what you can do for him or what you wear, etc. I'm also not interested in dating right now, part of the contribution to that is that i've never been asked out before (except once, but that's another story); I'm not opposed to dating, and i also want my first kiss to be for my husband. As far as dating, someday i want to, but for now i'm not worried. |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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MyLifeHisWill
Posts:184
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| 02/28/2009 9:28 AM |
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| Wow - yea very high and specific - but honestly - I agree with all of them. I think once we get engaged or after highschool I would be ok with him putting his arm around my waist....but I agree with the caressing stuff completely. Some of the stuff about doing devotions with the rents there I'm not quite sure the purpose of - and we (me and my boyfriend) pray for eachother over the phone alot too....but I mean the dependable, honest, etc. is totally important - thanks for sharing! Oh yea, and I do have a list of about 42 simple things I wrote before I ever went out with my boyfriend - if I can find it I'll share it - he matches up quite well lol. |
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I don't want to just "live" I want to experience life. |
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Nicole
Posts:547
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| 02/28/2009 8:25 PM |
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| That's brilliant that you pray for each other over the phone! You and your boyfriend, MyLifeHisWill, i mean. And if you do find that list, i'd love to see it. |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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Mike
Posts:89
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| 03/01/2009 5:48 PM |
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I didn't start dating until a few weeks ago, and I'm dating the person who's been my best friend for four years. What you describe sounds like what me and her were like Freshman year. We were best friends for most of high school, but we did get into quite a conflict early Junior Year, after which I disliked her for like 9 months. However, now that we've become friends again, our friendship is much stronger and we're both more mature and I think I'm safe to say it's much easier to put God first now, after we drew our strength from Him during that 9 month time.
I think you need to have really high standards, especially in today's world. Nobody is perfect, and there are a lot of things that can be forgiven, but a guy should make his best effort to maintain high standards for himself.
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 03/01/2009 9:33 PM |
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i agree with you, mike.
and your situation is like, almost identical with mine, haha. i was very good friends for almost a year with my (now) ex during my sophmore year, before we started dating. and then we dated, broke up, were bitter towards each other for like, 7 1/2 months (you know the story) and now we're getting back to being good friends again. not saying we'll be dating again (maybe? but i can't see it) but it's very similar to your's.
funny how God works like that... :] |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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artyprincess
Posts:224
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| 03/02/2009 3:39 AM |
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That's why I don't want to date. I mean, some of you guys have been in great relationships, but they ended. And in heartache (like your case, Emily). If you've ever read Josh Harris's books, he advises against that. Because you break your heart into little pieces, giving a little piece to each bf/gf you have, and when you eventually do find Mr/Mrs Right, they get the leftovers. I'm not trying to sound all righteous here, but you still have to be careful. When you were dating your ex, Emily, did you think he was the right one? Like that you were going to get married when you were older?
And now, you've had 7 months of bitterness because of your breakup.
I just don't want to go through that before I find my 'one'!
Just something to think about! |
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God Can. |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 03/02/2009 8:39 AM |
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i completely agree with you, arty. trust me, if i could do it all over again a year ago today, i would do it so differently. i wouldn't choose to date him. not that he was a horrible person or anything, but i would've guarded my heart so much more.
i have to be honest, i did think he was "the one". definitely. there were doubts by the last month of our measley 3 month stint, but i was still holding on to my dream up until the day we broke up. it was a hard thing to grasp. the one person that you centered your life around, suddenly, gone.
of course there were months of bittereness, i won't deny that. but through it all, i also will not deny that we've both come out the better and stronger for it. in our friendship and our relationship with God. just think about it: if life was perfect, who would you have to turn to? nobody. you wouldn't need anybody. not even your family. so especially, you wouldn't need God. we wouldn't probably actually hate Him. so i'm thankful for all that has happened, though i still wish it didn't, i know in a way, it had to. that sounds naive, but it really did. for me to see my mistake in a true light and right my wrongs again my ex, i had to get a slap upside the head and go through these trials in the past year.
i'm starting to think that i wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 03/02/2009 8:40 AM |
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| darn! i meant: you would probably actually hate Him. sorry! |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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Mike
Posts:89
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| 03/03/2009 1:00 AM |
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Well, I wouldn't really call my relationship a 'dating' relationship. It's actually a courtship. There's tons of parental involvement (I've been good friends with her parents for four years as well, and she's been good friends with mine for four years too), we have basically no physical involvement (we just set physical boundaries yesterday, just so we had them, but we'll probably not soon reach the upper limit we set (holding hands occasionally).
I think Josh Harris has a good idea (I was going to read his book actually, and probably still will). I wanted to have a relationship like what he or numerous other books would suggest, a courtship that you don't get too involved in emotionally until you're married. However, I got stuck in the fact that I've liked this girl since Freshman year (before I had this newer attitude about dating), and she liked me, and we've been just 'friends' while both having an interest in each other but not dating (because dating is something you leave until you're considering marriage). This is ultimately what led to the conflict, along with the crumble of the infatuation that probably held us together as well (infatuation lasts ~2.5 years give or take some), and we're closer friends because I see her more as the strong woman that strives to put God first than I see her as "somebody I really like [giddy expression]". If I ended up in the same place, I would rather have gone through this conflict than to have never gone through it at all because of what it did to help me grow closer to Christ and to mature as a person.
And on a slightly different note, I learned a good lesson from the Boundless website, specifically their articles pointed at singles that they complied into the "Guy's Guide".
http://www.boundless.org/guys/
It's a good read (especially obviously for guys) and there was one comment in particular that stuck out to me. God doesn't expect us to marry a "soul mate." Instead, there are good and bad choices of who to marry and God wants us to marry a "sole mate." We should stop worrying so much about what exactly God intends to do and instead try our best to do what we think God's plan is that we learn through prayer, devotionals, Bible study, etc.
God will work out whatever we do for good and to help us grow closer to him, so we shouldn't be so worried about whether or not what we're doing is exactly in line with what God's plan is for us. (Though we should concern ourselves with whether or not our choices are Godly)
It's like the parable where the master gives his servants money. God doesn't want us to bury our money (or spiritual gifts) and give it back to him the same, he wants us to take a risk and do something with what he's given us. His plan already accounts for the choices you make, so just pray and try to follow God's Word and he'll lead you the rest of the way. |
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MyLifeHisWill
Posts:184
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| 03/03/2009 7:11 AM |
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| Hey I found the list - ill post it when I get home from school. I think there are definately alot of unknowns with me and my bestfriend/boyfriend - w/e u would choose to call him - I mean, over the next 4, 5, 6, years ALOT could happen....but I mean, I'm thinking if I'm doing things God's way - keeping it clean, pure - keeping Mom and Dad involved, being transparent - He will work out all the details...and if next year I'm in a different place, I know God will have used this experience to mold me into a better person.... |
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I don't want to just "live" I want to experience life. |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 03/03/2009 1:43 PM |
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| mike, what you said was SO good. i'm checking out that website now! :] |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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JoJo
Posts:1657
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| 03/03/2009 11:08 PM |
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LOL yeah, I have a massive long list too! not as full on as Emily's but it's alot longer lol. but roughly the same, 
I wont right it down, cuz it would take up a whole page by itself lol.
but yeah. you do need high standards. I agree! |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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MyLifeHisWill
Posts:184
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| 03/04/2009 7:35 AM |
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K heres my list....I wrote it May 4, 2008
- He MUST love God with all He is! Even more than he does me
- He must love me 2nd to only God
- He must have godly character
- He must desire to do God's Will
- He must 1st be my best friend
- He must hold me close when I cry (obviously not now cuz i dont think thats appropreite but you get the point)
- He needs a good sense of humor
- He must always have comething cute and sweet to say
- He doesn't have to understand why I am how I am, he just has to love that about me
- Even if I tick him off and we get in a fight, he should come to apologize first
- He should always have my back, even if he doesn't get it
- He needs to protect me from harm
- He has to remind me everyday and say, "Girl, you're beautiful" even if I look distgusting
- He must be honest and absolutely loyal
- He has to tell me 1st about everything in his life
- He shouldn't care about what I look like, he should love me for what my heart looks like
- After we marry, he should kiss me in the rain
- He should care about me more than he does any other person
- I wanna be his world, his every breath, his reason to wake up and smile
- When I'm confused I want him to hold me, grab his Bible and use my Father's words to comfort me
- I want him to be a great father who is devoted to his kids
- I want him to love his children 3rd to God and 2nd to me
- I want him to be involved in our kids lives
- I want him to protect the purity of our daughters
- I want him to be a good role model for our boys and teach them how to be men
- (this is jk) He shouuld let me name the first kid we have 
- I'd like it if he could cook, bt as long as he loves to work (4th) and is willing to take responsibility, he's great
- He can't give up easily, he must be determined in all he does
- He should be aware of my weaknesses, but love me anyway
- He MUST respect me!!!!!!!!! no exceptions.
-He must be willing to die for me
- He must raise our children by the truths of the Bible
- He must agree with my standards and what I hold dear
- he should have some obsession with cars or tvs or such
- He should be able to tease me, but in a sweet, loving way
- He should confront me when I do something wrong, but he should do it with care
- He should grow to know me so well we can finish eachother's sentences!
THats my list lol - and just so u know I hold myself to the same standards as i do him |
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I don't want to just "live" I want to experience life. |
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