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Elocin
Posts:6
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| 03/19/2009 3:33 AM |
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I have never been able to decide when to leave a relationship. Looking
to the past to see my pattern, I tend to wait until the things in my
relationship got to a point in which it was obviously necessary to
leave... I just never can decide between when I should be
love...patient..long suffering (1 Corinthians 13) ... or when I should
say enough is enough.How do I know if God wants me to be in a
relationship and fight through the tough days or if He wants me to
leave? I am not in an abusive relationship nor do I feel threatened by
him...Some days we are good (& when we're good...we're really good)
and some days we bad (& when we're bad...we're really bad). We
have been fighting almost everyday lately...He hurts my feelings
often...and when I tell him he apologizes and it seems sincere..but
then a couple of weeks later he hurts my feelings again in the same
way...I know without a doubt that he cares about me, but I am just not
sure how much I should put up with...or how much I am willing to...
Yes, as Christians we are to be forgiving. As sinners, we make
mistakes. I guess my question is: when do you know when enough is
enough in a relationship in which we are both God fearing, but things
are not going so smoothly....How do I know God's will for our
relationship?
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Cayla Renae
Posts:58
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| 03/24/2009 12:22 PM |
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Hi Elocin,
I have a feeling that no one has replied yet because this is a really hard question to answer, but don't feel discouraged. 
I guess my first question for you is, how old are you? The reason I ask that is because I'm wondering if you're old enough to be considering marriage. I realize that what you want right now is answers, not questions, but I don't feel that it would be right for me to try to answer this without really knowing the situation.
After saying that, I want to warn you that I have never been in an official relationship before. I have mutually liked someone, so I know how intense emotions and feelings can be, but I haven't had the same experience you've had.
I'm SO glad to hear that you are not in an abusive relationship! That is something that hurts my heart to hear... girls sticking with their boyfriend because they feel threatened by him.
My heart is hurting for you, and I hope that you know that God feels your pain, too. He hurts when His children suffer. So I suppose that my other question is this: do you feel that it is God's will for you to be in a relationship where your boyfriend is constantly hurting your feelings? God gave us relationships so that we can serve Him together - complementary spiritual gifts and ministry passions. Does your boyfriend have the same passion for God that you do? Can he be your spiritual leader? Do you challenge eachother spiritually?
If not, please consider letting him go. It's not worth the pain to stick around with someone who you couldn't marry. God created marriage to make us holy, not happy... but if there is more pain than gain, how can God be working through your relationship?
These are just my thoughts. I'll be praying for you, and I encourage you to go to God in prayer and by reading His Word. He will speak if you have faith that He will speak... but sometimes His timing is not our own, and we have to move ahead in blind faith. |
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~created by the King to do good things~ |
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Elocin
Posts:6
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| 03/24/2009 1:29 PM |
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WOW!
For Teens
1st: I would like to say that that was amazing advice! && I thank God that He gave you such insight.
I am forever going to keep what you said in mind && heart.
2nd: To answer your first question, I am in my 20s and we have been considering marriage. We are waiting until we both graduate from college.
He does have the same passion for God as I do (In fact, it was because of this passion that we began dating). And he does challenge me spiritually. Before making the decision on whether I wanted to get into a relationship with him, I did pray and ask God for His guidance and I really did feel like God wanted me to be in this relationship.
I guess it would have been important to also mention that we, as of recently, are now in a long distance relationship. We use to attend the same christian university but because of finances I had to leave. So I guess things have been much more tense because of that circumstance.
And my confusion lied in the fact that he has been spiritually leading me but at the same time there would be certain things he would say or do that really hurt my feelings. And I really do not feel that it is intentional but then again only God can be certain of that.
There was something specific that you wrote that really impressed me. You wrote "God created marriage to make us holy, not happy..." And it's true. I know that there were times in the relationship in which I have unintentionally hurt his feelings or made him angry. And often times it was in the loving way in which he responded that made me more aware and grateful that we have a merciful and forgiving God. I guess I have never really thought about it before and was driven by my emotions, but he has really molded my relationship with God. I think that there will be times (because we're sinners) that we're hurt each other and we'll fight... but love is not a feeling. It's a fact, it's a decision. Right?
Thank you so much for you heart felt advice! I know I am at more peace now. I still have to pray more fervently over this as it is always good to seek out and discern God's voice.
Next time I am in need of advice, can I come straight to you? Haha! Jk.
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Elocin
Posts:6
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| 03/24/2009 1:31 PM |
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| Whoops* I do not know how that "For Teens" popped right on in there! |
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Locke
Posts:223
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| 03/24/2009 2:02 PM |
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Absolutely right. Love is more than just our emotions. It's intentional sacrifice. Have either you or your boyfriend read The Five Love Languages of Singles? If not I'd highly recommend it. When we learn to love someone in their language, we really bless them, even if it means getting out of our comfort zone, our 'box,' and reaching out to them.
If you already have read that, well, maybe this'll just be a kind reminder about it. And if not, I hope you both reap many rewards for learning each other's love language. I'm going to back up Cayla here and encourage you to pray. If it's His will that you be in this relationship... He'll make it clear to you, even if it takes what seems like forever. |
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It is trifles that make the sum of life. |
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Elocin
Posts:6
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| 03/24/2009 10:49 PM |
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Thanks for the recommendation Locke. I will definitely have to read that book. I was looking for another good read.Thanks for the advice. Prayer is KEY.
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Cayla Renae
Posts:58
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| 03/25/2009 12:46 PM |
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LOL I would definitely be more than willing to answer anything that you want to specifically throw out at me... ha ha ha. 
I just want to let you know that I prayed before I wrote that (and WHILE I wrote that), so I won't even pretend to claim the credit for any of the words you needed to hear! I'm just very glad and feel blessed that God spoke some wisdom through me 
I'll keep praying for you, that God will speak to you clearly and in His timing. It's so encouraging that you're sticking with a long-distance relationship... I can't imagine how hard that would be! And you're right - love is a conscious decision you have to make. I love how 1 Corinthians 13 describes love:
~patient
~kind
~does not envy
~does not boast
~not proud
~not rude
~not self-seeking
~not easily angered
~keeps no record of wrongs
~does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth
~always protects
~always trusts
~always hopes
~always perseveres
~never fails
I love that... if you'll pardon the pun.  |
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~created by the King to do good things~ |
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