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Ash:)
Posts:22
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| 08/26/2009 2:57 AM |
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Ok i dont know what to do and im really confused!!!  The story is that this guy has told me that he really really likes me and i like him back. But he is really shy and his best friend said that he wont ask me out because he's too scared. But he likes me. So he wants me to as him out, but im 'stuck' in the tradition that the guy asks out the girl!!! So what should i do???
Ask him out or. . . ?!?!? |
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-Ash<3 |
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Locke
Posts:223
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| 08/26/2009 10:30 AM |
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| Pray that God gives him courage to step up to the plate and be a man. |
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It is trifles that make the sum of life. |
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Lindsey
Posts:70
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| 08/26/2009 2:28 PM |
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Ash,I really dont think you should ask him out.You really should wait on it and see if its the right thing to do.If you dont feel go about it then you should listen to yourself and wait for him to ask you out. Lindsey
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David
Posts:499
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| 08/26/2009 3:17 PM |
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| Though a book on hermeneutics has recently altered my opinion of how the whole process of romantic initiation should work, I will say this. His unwillingness based in fear to ask you out speaks to a much deeper problem he is facing. It sounds like he is deeply insecure. Now, I hate it when girls say they can't stand insecurity because we're all insecure and that's just asking guys to lie, but a person can be too insecure. What I'm trying to say is, while overall a girl asking a guy out might not be the worst thing in the world, it sounds like this guy's emotional state would hinder him from having an effective romantic relationship. He needs to mature a little before he's ready to date, probably. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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Adelynn
Posts:516
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| 08/26/2009 9:31 PM |
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| Now I'm curious- could you elaborate on your new view of romantic initiation? |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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Locke
Posts:223
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| 08/27/2009 12:48 AM |
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| I'd like to know about it too. |
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It is trifles that make the sum of life. |
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Ash:)
Posts:22
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| 08/27/2009 12:51 AM |
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Ok thank you guys sooo much!!! This really helped!!! -Ash<3
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-Ash<3 |
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David
Posts:499
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| 08/27/2009 7:32 PM |
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Well, since you asked...
The book I'm referring to is Slaves, Women and Homosexuals by William Webb (he's a fairly big name among Biblical scholars). What he tries to do with his book is address the harder verses in the Bible to deal with; the verses that say stuff like, "If a master beats his slave but the slave recovers in a few days, you shouldn't punish the master. But if the slave dies, then you must also kill the master." or "When you defeat another country, if you see a woman that you desire, you can take her for your wife, but first you must allow her to live in your home for thirty days to mourn her family, and you cannot be with her sexually until you are married. If she ends up displeasing you, you must send her wherever she wishes without harming her." If you were to just read these straight out of the page, as in reading them as if they are applicable to our culture as stated, we, as Christians, would have to be ok with slavery and forcing women into marriage.
However, Webb postulates that that isn't what these verses are really telling us. He believes in what he called a "redemptive-movement hermeneutic." What this means is that we must read these verses within context of the culture they were written for to see what they really mean. Once you do this, you realize that at that time a master could beat, torture, maim or kill any of his slaves with no punishment, and that the common practice was that a conquering country could rape any woman from the conquered country that they wanted. With that in mind, if you read those verses again they strike you differently. With this new perspective, you realize God was calling the Israelites to a much higher morality than what was commonly practiced at the time. God was calling them to be better.
The basic idea here is that in the Garden of Eden humans were morally perfect (another way to put this is that humanity was a part of the "ultimate ethic"). However, after the Fall of Man we became incredibly immoral, falling very far from the ultimate ethic (moral perfection). Seeing this, God has been trying to lead us back towards the ultimate ethic. However, He realizes that we can't make the leap from incredible perversion and immorality to perfection in one fell swoop; therefore, He has been guiding us in baby steps, and that's the purpose of those verses. However, right now our culture, at least in regards to slavery and women, is much closer to the ultimate ethic than the ancient culture. What this means is that when we read those commands of God, they sound to our modern ears to be very harsh and wrong, for He is calling them to a moral position that is less moral than ours. That's why we have to see the movement of the text and not just read it as static words on the page.
The idea here is that when we must realize that not all of the specific commands in the Bible are applicable to us as they are worded. In these cases, instead of just blindly following the words on the page, we must realize the great ethic that God is calling us to (the "abstract moral principle"). Upon realize the abstract moral principle, we can then see how it applies to our culture, and follow that application.
Another example of this principle would be verses like, "When you harvest your fields, leave the edges and corners untouched and if any of the produce happens to drop while harvesting just leave it there. That way, the poor can come along and find food to eat." Now, we all realize that as a fairly kind thing to do, but is that necessarily applicable to our culture? We don't all have fields to harvest, and those of us that do (for the most part, commercial farmers), we can't really not harvest part of the field because no one really walks by to pick up the extra any way. How, then, are we to take that verse? Well, what is the abstract moral principle upon which that specific moral command operates? Love of your neighbor through feeding the poor. Having realized that, the take home value of that verse is then that we must feed the poor, but we have to do it in a way that is applicable to our culture.
And that's the redemptive-movement hermeneutic. I say all of that so that you can hopefully grasp the principle of the thing. Another area to which this applies is the verses dealing with the male-female relationship. What Webb postulates is that many of those verses also have a movement inherent to them. The ancient cultures of the time would have been a dominating patriarchy relegating women practically to property, if that. The verses in the Bible, then, are calling men to treat the women with much more kindness and respect. Webb argues that the ultimate ethic here is that men and women are both created in the image of God and are both equal, thus meaning that, were we actually following the ultimate ethic, the male-female dynamic would be on of inter-submission and inter-dependence. Both genders submit to the other and both are dependent upon the other. Thus, you have an equal partnership, and that's where God is trying to lead us. To me, one interesting ramification of this is that, were we to truly follow this ultimate ethic, it would open the door for women to also pursue men romantically.
I realize Webb's interpretation of the Bible is not an interpretation held by everyone. Personally, though, I find the redemptive-movement hermeneutic to be fascinating and it really helps answer a lot of the problems I have had with some verses. Maybe my conclusion as to the ramifications of how the ultimate ethic affects initial romantic practices is incorrect, but it's at least thought provoking. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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Adelynn
Posts:516
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| 08/27/2009 8:15 PM |
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| I love it. I'm going to have to find a copy. |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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Sandy
Posts:48
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| 08/28/2009 11:12 PM |
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| it sounds intersting. i'll look it up : ) |
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Lindsey
Posts:70
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| 08/29/2009 2:26 PM |
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I think,if the guy likes you then he will ask you out.And if he doesn't well then maybe he just wants to be friends for now.
-Lindsey |
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Ash:)
Posts:22
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| 08/31/2009 2:58 AM |
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| Ok well we are just friends!!! and thank you everyone!!! |
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-Ash<3 |
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maddiegirl
Posts:210
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| 08/31/2009 2:15 PM |
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| lol i'm like you & i think that the guy should def. be the one to ask u out......so pray & wait 4 him. if he likes you enough, he'll have the courage to ask you out. (= |
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if uturnchic
Posts:71
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| 08/31/2009 4:52 PM |
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Ash ,
I totally understand what you are going through. There is this guy in my church, who likes me, and I am starting to like him. We're both really shy. He told my best friend that he liked me and wanted to talk to me and maybe ask me out, but he was too scared, so he want's me to make the first move in this relationship. I personally think that as the guy, he should be the one to make the first move; not me. I honestly don't know what to do, so we'll both get through this. God is in control! |
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We are His portion, and He is our prize; drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes. If His grace is an ocean we're all sinking. Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss, and my heart it turns violently inside of my chest. I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves us.
-David Crowder Band |
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Ash:)
Posts:22
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| 09/01/2009 1:27 PM |
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Well we are just going to stay friends than!!! I guess thats it and thanks for all the help!!! 
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-Ash<3 |
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sallyjo
Posts:2
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| 11/27/2009 3:46 PM |
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u cud try to ask him out an see what he ses |
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Ash:)
Posts:22
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| 11/27/2009 4:25 PM |
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| haha Sallyjo, its been like 3 months, and i have moved onnnn i mean i guess you could say it was a summer fling, you see i live in Germany now, and yeahhh i have a new boyfriend, im a freshman and hes a sophomore. Im happy with hime(Jake) So yeahhh!!! haha lol but thanks for the adviceeee |
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-Ash<3 |
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