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Locke
Posts:223
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| 05/26/2009 2:01 AM |
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Posted By David on 05/25/2009 7:21 PM
Did she respond well romantically? Most girls respond well to kindness in a friendship way, but that potentially puts you into the dreaded "friends zone."
Yes, she did.
Posted By David on 05/25/2009 7:21 PM
I don't mean teasing in a mean way. I mean teasing in a flirtatious way. The guys I've seen who have the best luck with girls are the ones who begin flirting (read: showing interest) practically from the get-go. This is confirmed in FYMO when they talk about why girls go for "bad boys." Teasing, which, whether kind or no,t is by nature antagonistic, is a huge part of that.
I know, that's what I was also referring to.
Posted By David on 05/25/2009 7:21 PM Of course there will (thankfully) be exceptions to this, as it sounds like you have experienced. If so, more power to you, and I'm a little jealous  " Posted By David on 05/25/2009 7:21 PM
Back to Pride and Prejudice... I was talking about the book with my mother, and she made a good point. If we flip the perspective around from Elizabeth to Mr. Darcy, everything changes. He is most certainly marrying for love, going so far as to marry someone well below his social class. He most likely would have lost quite a bit of social standing and societal respect from his choosing to love and be with her. And, to be truthful, she may have had to deal with many accusations of being a gold-digger. While I still think my original point stands, this new perspective is, at least to me, very thought-provoking.
Haha, I think I've gone way too analytical here, like I usually do.
That is an interesting perspective. And being analytical isn't bad... just time consuming. *laughs*
As far as your next post goes, I think your last paragraph hits the nail on the head. There's a section about this in FYMO, also. |
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It is trifles that make the sum of life. |
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David
Posts:499
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| 05/26/2009 8:49 PM |
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"Heh. Thanks, I think? There's girls like that all over the world. You just have to find 'em first..."
Haha, it's a good thing. They might be, but they are also harder to find. As a rule, the right sort of girls are well outnumbered by the wrong sort; the same is true of guys.
"As far as your next post goes, I think your last paragraph hits the nail on the head. There's a section about this in FYMO, also."
I was actually quite surprised to see the section on bad boys in FYMO. Frankly, it was impressive if for no other reason than they included it. It lended credibility to the book - that the authors actually knew "what is really going on." There's a lot both genders can learn from that - for guys, how to be attractive to girls while still being able to be decent human beings, and for girls how to look past what appears to be attractive to what actually is important. The movie Hitch serves a similar function. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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Adelynn
Posts:189
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| 05/26/2009 9:33 PM |
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| wait, guys, you are never romantically attracted to two girls at the same time?? |
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"... I will pour out my Spirit upon all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy..." Acts 2.17
What If His People Prayed? |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 05/26/2009 10:12 PM |
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Um before the guys answer that, I have really good talks with my guy friends, and yes, some of them actually do like two girls at one time, just like girls sometimes like 2 boys @ once...
And that's just what i've heard from my guy friends... but not all guys are the same. |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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David
Posts:499
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| 05/27/2009 1:18 AM |
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When talking about love triangles there are two general areas which to consider.
First, in reality. Yes, guys can feel attracted to two girls at one time, and this probably happens as often as it does with girls.
Second, in the themes in the entertainment that shapes many of our cultural practices. In this area, many more girls are seen to have an attraction for two guys at once, and more than that act on the attraction causing the two guys to vie for her attention. This theme, it seems to me, likely reinforces this negative concept in the minds of many girls. This theme is one specific reason why I have begun to dislike most chick flicks. Here's an example: Sweet Home Alabama. I used to rather enjoy that movie until I realized it was a movie entirely about a girl cheating on her fiance (oddly enough, the movie makers were able to get the audience to root for her to do so).
It's the themes that worry me. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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Nicole
Posts:552
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| 05/27/2009 3:53 AM |
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Quick question for the ladies. Why is that? Why do most girls seem that they can't ever like a guy if he takes the time to get to know her before making any romantic gestures (such as flirting)? I know this is not always the case, but it is enough of the time to warrant the question.
@David, I suppose it's because he reads more into the 'friend zone' at this stage; Some girls don't even realize at this point that he IS interested in her and wants to get to know her first before making any romantic moves on her. Nope, it's not true all the time though, no worries. There are girls out there who would be delighted if a (good looking or attractive) guy tried to get to know her first; she'll try and do the same thing while perhaps another part of her is hoping that maybe they could be more than friends down the road.
To your other Q, i believe it is true that some girls will fall for the 'bad boy' initially. But I know girls who would otherwise be repulsed by the initial 'bad boy' behavior and very attracted to the 'good boy' behavior. (i.e listens, respects you, helps you out, etc) Sure the 'bad boy' might have killer good looks, but if his reputation includes a new girl on his arm every week, then his looks mean nothing to these girls, and in fact only adds to the repulsion. The nice guy who not only takes the time to listen to you, but also hears you, is far more attractive than the 'bad boy's' utter confidence in himself. Humility is a very attractive trait, which true humility, i believe, can only come from God.
You know the 'bad boy' who always gets what he wants? There are some girls who would totally think him spoiled in that way and the nice guy who seems to be doing nothing but giving up his time for others, now he's attractive. Do you get my drift? Hopefully i'm not too confusing.  |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 05/27/2009 5:44 AM |
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Quick question for the ladies. Why is that? Why do most girls seem that they can't ever like a guy if he takes the time to get to know her before making any romantic gestures (such as flirting)? I know this is not always the case, but it is enough of the time to warrant the question.
Actually, I tend to fall for guys AGES after I first met them... and mainly after they start getting to know me... like I'll give some examples...
(this is over my entire life...)
one guy was a dancer with me, not exactly the best looking, but we were on the same busroute etc and spent lots of time together... and about 5 months later I realised I liked him. (but that was a road I didnt want to go down for Other reasons...)
Another one, I only started liking cuz he was paying me ALOT of attention... and he again wasn't the best looker ever...
and another again showed interest in me and idk, i wasnt exactly wanting to like someone then, but it kinda just happened
another I'd known for 2 years, i actually thought he was annoying @ first, but he was really sweet and he actually was so shy that whenever he tried to talk to me, he'd go mute
but yeah, none of them ever flirted with me... like how you've stated...
IDK on cartoons/story's I love the badboy characters (Vegeta - DBZ, Kai - Beyblades, idk...) but not really in real life... |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 05/27/2009 5:48 AM |
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Oh and as to the first question again...
I actually get a little frustrated when I do like guys who take the time to get to know me, cuz it's like, hello, we both show interest in each other... so... y is nothing happening..." and then i begin to think he only sees ME as the friend... and then I get heartbroken... (if that makes sense) |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Adelynn
Posts:189
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| 05/27/2009 9:00 AM |
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I guess it defines the relationship, right at the beginning. Of course neither of them really know if they will or should eventually date, but if that's what he's hinting at from the beginning, he seems exciting and someone I'd want to hang out with.
David, why do you think that when you get to know girls first, they are less likely to want to move past the friends stage?
Okay here is another theory =] If I don't know a guy super well, there is always a chance that we will perhaps work out. Most likely not, but I don't know him well enough to already know that I don't want to date him. If we are already friends, and I know that dating him wouldn't work out and would make our friendship awkward, why would I say yes?
If girls are supposed to wait for the guy to make the first big move, why shouldn't we be able to like two different guys? Usually, one of them is likely to ask us out, but the other one is a great, usually clueless type =] |
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"... I will pour out my Spirit upon all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy..." Acts 2.17
What If His People Prayed? |
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David
Posts:499
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| 05/27/2009 10:24 AM |
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Most of what you girls have said has been encouraging, so I thank you for that. I guess we guys just have to hope that if we aren't the best looking guys that the girls we're interested doesn't meet a guy who has as good a personality as us but is also better looking.
"David, why do you think that when you get to know girls first, they are less likely to want to move past the friends stage?"
One possibility is that most of the time (not all of the time) a girl separates her "friends" from her "potentials." If you become her friend, you are no longer in the potential category. Like you said, if he pursues you right from the beginning (which is the way that will more likely end up with emotional pain), his pursuit defines your relationship with him.
Another possibility is, as you say, once you get to know a guy you then know he's not really the one for you. This is certainly the better of the two possibilities, and I hope it's true. However, it is possible that some girls are too scared of "ruining the friendship" and aren't willing to take the risk of dating. That's another reason not to be her friend, haha.
"If girls are supposed to wait for the guy to make the first big move, why shouldn't we be able to like two different guys? Usually, one of them is likely to ask us out, but the other one is a great, usually clueless type =]"
It depends on how you go about it. If you are single, then just liking two guys might not be a problem. However, once you start showing interest in both, causing both to vie for your attention and pursue, that is a problem. Another thing to take into consideration, though, is that by liking two guys you might be practicing that attribute in your own mind, even if single. Having gotten used to being able to be interested in more than one guy while single, it might make it harder to maintain your romantic focus on only one guy while dating or married.
Here's another question for you girls. I fully admit that the vast majority of the girls I meet are of a particularly low quality, which means that there must be girls somewhere out there that are of a particularly high quality. I do not think that all girls are like the ones I tend to meet. My question is where exactly can a guy go to meet the higher quality girls such as yourselves? I would imagine church would be a good one, so if you know of any other places please let me know. If I could just find decent girls I might have better luck at attracting them, haha. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 05/27/2009 10:46 AM |
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haha, I feel for you David, really.
I love my church to death and it's a second family to me. but my social circle of guys my age? basically non-existent! and I'm talking just guy friends. if I were to say "potentials", that would seriously be Z-E-R-O. ugh!
anywho, um, does your church go to any conferences or events around the state? I mean, at your age (you're in your 20's, right?), meeting people at those could be a very good idea. or form a bible study in your church for singles. sure, it might be horribly obvious that it's almost like a "hook-up" bible study, haha, but who cares! it's much better than sitting home twiddling your thumbs every friday night, ain't it? or volunteer at a local soup kitchen or YMCA type thing? there's probably at least a few young women your age hanging around there. other than that... sheesh, I have no idea! :p |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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Adelynn
Posts:189
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| 05/27/2009 5:23 PM |
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"David, why do you think that when you get to know girls first, they are less likely to want to move past the friends stage?"
Hmm, I meant, have you asked so many female friends out that you notice this?
Small group coed Bible Studies. Daz where da gurlz at. Well, they are actually at girl's Bible Studies, but, that could potentially be awkward if you showed up at one of those... Even if you find a men's Bible Study, maybe you could connect with some guys to have these discussions with
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"... I will pour out my Spirit upon all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy..." Acts 2.17
What If His People Prayed? |
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David
Posts:499
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| 05/27/2009 7:01 PM |
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Posted By Adelynn on 05/27/2009 5:23 PM
"David, why do you think that when you get to know girls first, they are less likely to want to move past the friends stage?"
Hmm, I meant, have you asked so many female friends out that you notice this?
Small group coed Bible Studies. Daz where da gurlz at. Well, they are actually at girl's Bible Studies, but, that could potentially be awkward if you showed up at one of those... Even if you find a men's Bible Study, maybe you could connect with some guys to have these discussions with
Actually asked out? Perhaps not. She gets with someone else before I do? Loads of times. However, those experiences are not why I was asking (for it could simply have been me waiting too long).
Mostly, it's the experiences of many people I know, plus the, at least among guys, societal idea of the "friends zone." Perhaps I phrased my question wrong. I was more trying to get the opinions of the girls on here on whether that zone even exists.
I appreciate your suggestion. The only Bible study I am currently involved with is comprised of a bunch of mid-20-somethings. I'm a low-20-something. Plus, most of the girls in there are taken, and the few that aren't are either too old for me or I simply am not attracted to. However, a church function or Bible study I think would be a great place to meet girls, if only there were girls at the ones I'm at. I'm sure this is a frustration shared by many (the frustration of wanting to date, but having no one to date), male and female. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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David
Posts:499
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| 05/27/2009 7:02 PM |
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"She gets with someone else before I do?"
This should read: "She gets with someone else before I can ask her out?" |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 05/27/2009 7:51 PM |
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LOL o.k. well, yes, the friends zone does exist... but idk, i always want to build a friendship with the guy before even considering dating him (even if i do really really like him...) just because, i feel I should know someone before I consider a relationship that is "more than friends!" and also this way, I'm not giving my heart away to every guy I meet etc... it's kinda like a way both parties wont get extremely hurt... (if you get what im saying...)
Like with me atm, I've decided to just be friends with both these guys (who seem interested in me) because I actually have no clue which one God wants me with... (and idk, but I seem to lean mor etowards #2...)
anyways...
I meet all my awesome christian Godly guy friends @ youth events everywhere, like camps etc... and we go all over the country for those (honest, in my town, my brother and 1 of his friends are the only decent guys in the area, and well, my bro's 18 and his friend is 17 or 16...) and well, i have like NO options in my town, so any "possible" guys are always from other city's etc...
but yeah, maybe try branching out and going to conferences, or try a christian summer camp or whatever, you might meet some really cool people there.
IDk, but that's how I do it... |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Nicole
Posts:552
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| 05/28/2009 3:25 AM |
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| Jojo i completely agree with you in the opinion that i'd like guys to become my friends before i consider dating them. It doesn't always have to be that way, but a good relationship is when your mate is your best friend. At least i think so.
I agree with the girls: I think bible studies or youth group events are wonderful places to meet girls David. I suppose you could also try bible conferences? Maybe Christian concerts? |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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Ki-ol Mi-ck-Co-rd
Posts:138
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| 06/02/2009 12:37 PM |
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Posted By i_trust on 04/22/2009 9:13 PM So i just wanted to tell all the guys out there, THANKS. You totally don't get enough credit for how incredible you are  " align="absmiddle" border="0"> People always say how much power girls have over guys, but honestly, guys have insane power over us too! You guys go through so much just for us! No wonder girls think about guys as princes " align="absmiddle" border="0"> sooooooo. thanks.
Thanks this made my day, but wjen did David and Jo-Jo ^^ take over this forum, lol.
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"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few... or the one."
-- Spock, Star Trek 2: Wrath of Khan |
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David
Posts:499
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| 06/02/2009 1:56 PM |
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Psh, Jojo and I are a tag team of awesomeness. We own everything. The end.
Haha. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 06/02/2009 10:39 PM |
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HAHAHAHA, Actually, lol. I have been quite a regular here since like june or july 2007... It used to be me, will, courtney and emily... haha now david's joined the ranks 
But yes... haha David and I do tend to reply to basically everything
@ David, lol that cracks me up (In NZ terms, it means I'm laughing my head off ) |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 06/02/2009 10:41 PM |
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Oh and btw... i watch WWE Smack Down and Raw, so tag team makes me think of wrestling tag teams lol. haha
Thought I'd just add that |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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