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Clockwork*
Posts:75
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| 08/20/2010 10:57 PM |
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 Im sorry |
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"They told me 'Son, you're special... You were born to do great things.' Well you know what...? They were right..." - Jack *Bioschock 1*
I sit in this chair in awe of how you have this effect on me. It's as if I went to a pharmicist and they handed me you. When I smell you I become intoxicated by your narcotic aroma. I am addicted to you as if you were some specialized nicotine. I swallow your gaze like ecstasy. Please sedate me and do what you wish; never cease to be my personal prescribed heroin...
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Beckah
Posts:903
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| 08/20/2010 11:01 PM |
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Um may i ask why your sorry....im a little confuzzuled..     lol |
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"Check yourself before you wreck yourself" |
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Clockwork*
Posts:75
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| 08/20/2010 11:09 PM |
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| its very complicateed |
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"They told me 'Son, you're special... You were born to do great things.' Well you know what...? They were right..." - Jack *Bioschock 1*
I sit in this chair in awe of how you have this effect on me. It's as if I went to a pharmicist and they handed me you. When I smell you I become intoxicated by your narcotic aroma. I am addicted to you as if you were some specialized nicotine. I swallow your gaze like ecstasy. Please sedate me and do what you wish; never cease to be my personal prescribed heroin...
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clare
Posts:952
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| 08/20/2010 11:56 PM |
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| you're forgiven. But what did I just forgive? fess up buddy! |
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Lucky Albatross
Posts:176
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| 08/21/2010 12:48 AM |
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Life is complicated. So...? |
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One step at time,
I trust these feet of mine,
To carry me on to where I belong.
Mike Zito |
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Clockwork*
Posts:75
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| 08/21/2010 8:27 AM |
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Recently engaged myself in an online relationship. I've had 2 in my past, both which have failed. I live in Europe, I just moved here recently. So obviously it won't be until I am fully adjusted to the systems and environment before I can even consider being in a relationship. Havn't been in a relationship for years since this recent online one. I really liked this person who I met online. We dated (if you want to call it that) for not even a week. I was caught in my emotions since I did not, and still don't, know how it truly feels to be able to call someone your own and to belong to someone else. I was deprived of what many guys need - a woman by their side to comfort them and build them up, especially in hard times. It is much easier to talk to your mate as opposed to sharing every detailed thing about your life or emotions with your guy friends. And at my level of comprehension and reasonability, I have an even harder time considering I think more in depth than the majority or I dare venture to say all of my previously known friends and acquaintances. That is just how I am. You can see that by the poems I have written. And if you like I can share with you all a very long creating writing which I wrote maybe a year ago. Anyway, back on track. I felt very emotionally attached to this person, and I used the dreaded "L" word. Yep, I said it. I told her I loved her. After only knowing her a few days. Now I am not going to lie, I prayed about the relationship to God and I firmly believed she and I would be together forever. But again, I was blinded by my emotions. I asked God to "terminate the connection on the internet and let me and this girl forget we each ever existed if it wasn't His will." Obviously He did not do that, so I assumed it was ok for me to go forward with the relationship. Of course my prayer was drastic, I mean that is like asking God (in my opinion) to let someone drive up to your house and say "Shut off that TV NOW!!" if you are asking Him as to whether or not you should watch a bad program. Anyway, I told this girl I loved her and I got her caught up in her emotions too. I said nice things to her and I had every good intention in saying those things. I also thought for sure that she and I were to get married. Then, I told my mom... I figured that if I were to be in a relationship, I should let my parents be aware of the situation. I told my mom and she brought me back to reality fast. She warned me about the dangers of online predators and that the world is very different than how it used to be. She also told me basically I have a responsibility, and I need to tend to it. I realized at that point I had made a mistake so great that colossal cound't come close to adequately explaining the intensity of the situation. I needed to go break a girl's heart who I, not only just met, but who has been heartbroken several times before in the past. I was in a compromising situation. It was either hurt someone I barely knew, or tend to the safety of my family. Of course I broke her heart, I had to. I don't think she realized that it is for both our safety. She doesn't know who I am either. I wrote this long apology as to why it was imperative we terminated the relationship. I wan't it to be a mutual agreement as opposed to me jsut saying "we are done", that way it wouldn't seem like I am just abandoning her like other guys have done in the past. After we broke up I decided that was it. I don't have any intention of getting married or having a girlfriend again. I wanted a woman so bad, when I finally got one I mistreated the situation, and allowed only aesthetics as opposed to rational thinking to be involed. I am very sorry I have done this, I cannont bare to see females hurt. Such gentle creatures from God who do nothing but bring smiles and pleasure with their bubbly personalities and gracefulness. I was very wrong in doing this, and I know I am not ready for a female, nor will I ever be. Girls are too complex for me. And I refuse to bring pain to another female again. Even if that means staying single forever. I figured the best thing for me to do is to stick to engineering, science, and astronomy and I will be ok. If I eventually link up with my best friends in the future that's even better. But as far as girls go... I'll leave that situation to the professionals... |
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"They told me 'Son, you're special... You were born to do great things.' Well you know what...? They were right..." - Jack *Bioschock 1*
I sit in this chair in awe of how you have this effect on me. It's as if I went to a pharmicist and they handed me you. When I smell you I become intoxicated by your narcotic aroma. I am addicted to you as if you were some specialized nicotine. I swallow your gaze like ecstasy. Please sedate me and do what you wish; never cease to be my personal prescribed heroin...
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Clockwork*
Posts:75
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| 08/21/2010 1:00 PM |
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| By the way, I posted this on the forums becuase she visits this site from time to time. I sent her an E-mail, but I sadly have not received a reply. |
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"They told me 'Son, you're special... You were born to do great things.' Well you know what...? They were right..." - Jack *Bioschock 1*
I sit in this chair in awe of how you have this effect on me. It's as if I went to a pharmicist and they handed me you. When I smell you I become intoxicated by your narcotic aroma. I am addicted to you as if you were some specialized nicotine. I swallow your gaze like ecstasy. Please sedate me and do what you wish; never cease to be my personal prescribed heroin...
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Lucky Albatross
Posts:176
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| 08/23/2010 12:42 PM |
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You can't always be the good guy, Clockwork*. For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing.
Also, I'm glad you don't want to hurt the women in your life, but STOP putting them on high pedestals! The female half of our fair species is just as human as the male half! I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I think you need to be reminded of this. I'm not saying treat women like crap, far from it! Treat them like ACCESSIBLE human beings, someone that you could talk to and can talk to you. Find someone with similar interests, that sort of thing. Like I said, I think you know this, but I'm driving it home.
Bonne chance, mon ami! |
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One step at time,
I trust these feet of mine,
To carry me on to where I belong.
Mike Zito |
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Clockwork*
Posts:75
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| 08/23/2010 5:06 PM |
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| I appreciate the reply Lucky Albatross. It is a bit encouraging, but I think I have decided in my mind it is best to run solo for life. It simplifies everything. I am a guy of simplicity and efficiency. I'll try to treat women like "accessible human beings" from now on though. |
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"They told me 'Son, you're special... You were born to do great things.' Well you know what...? They were right..." - Jack *Bioschock 1*
I sit in this chair in awe of how you have this effect on me. It's as if I went to a pharmicist and they handed me you. When I smell you I become intoxicated by your narcotic aroma. I am addicted to you as if you were some specialized nicotine. I swallow your gaze like ecstasy. Please sedate me and do what you wish; never cease to be my personal prescribed heroin...
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nateynate
Posts:316
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| 08/24/2010 5:25 PM |
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| Alright i got a couple things to say and ask 1: I'm lost on why you broke up with her on the first ploace is it because of the online preadotor thing because if it is and you know well that both of you arent preadators, then you got nothing to worry about there. Now for wat i gotta say, you cant blame yourself for her past and the pain she has felt but honestly, any relationship that ends is gonna have some pain, thats life you cant avoid it you cant beat yourself up over this kinda thing and second, im gonna prophecy for you right now alright (yes i am prophetic for anyone wondering its a gift the spirit has given me) alright clockwork, you will be married when you grow up and it will be after college this girl will be the girl you never knew exsisted however, because of the sorrow you feel now, you will not date for a long time and you will be single for a long time (its not a punishment its just that God has big plans for you right now in your future that you need to be single for) when you are married you will have kids that will grow to be children of God you will be an influence on a non-christian friend right now that will help your friend in the future come to christ (i dont know when but it will happen) and you will face a challenge of your belief in the coming years a challenge from some new people you will meet thats all i got for you God bless you man |
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" Wake up oh my soul
wake up and praise the Lord
rise up you sleepy soul
rise up and praise the Lord"
Enter Your Gates |
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Clockwork*
Posts:75
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| 08/24/2010 6:42 PM |
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| I really appreciate the reply nate. I don't doubt your ability to prophecy at all. I know it might not count for much coming from me, but I highly doubt that I will get married. I just don't have the intent. To answer your first question, I was not completely sure of who this girl was or could be. I did not know her inside and out, so it was very possible she could be a predator. That wsa the main reason we broke up, it was too risky and unsafe for both of us. Again I appreciate the reply. I just don't feel that I am husband material. I always felt like a loner, I feel that I have overcome denial, and am now accepting reality. That's pretty much how I feel. |
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"They told me 'Son, you're special... You were born to do great things.' Well you know what...? They were right..." - Jack *Bioschock 1*
I sit in this chair in awe of how you have this effect on me. It's as if I went to a pharmicist and they handed me you. When I smell you I become intoxicated by your narcotic aroma. I am addicted to you as if you were some specialized nicotine. I swallow your gaze like ecstasy. Please sedate me and do what you wish; never cease to be my personal prescribed heroin...
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artyprincess
Posts:226
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| 08/26/2010 5:17 AM |
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Don't give up on us!! 
For every Adam there's an Eve! Focus your energy of singleness on your studies and God, by all means, but don't determine to stay single forever.
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God Can. |
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Clockwork*
Posts:75
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| 08/26/2010 6:05 AM |
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| Lol, artyprincess I am definately not giving up on your kind =P. I am giving up on myself, I know my limitations and some people are not cut out or designed for relationships. Believe me I am not trying to get people to feel sorry for me, nor am I feeling sorry for myself. I feel quite fine actually accepting this. Sometimes facing reality isn't as hard as many may think |
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"They told me 'Son, you're special... You were born to do great things.' Well you know what...? They were right..." - Jack *Bioschock 1*
I sit in this chair in awe of how you have this effect on me. It's as if I went to a pharmicist and they handed me you. When I smell you I become intoxicated by your narcotic aroma. I am addicted to you as if you were some specialized nicotine. I swallow your gaze like ecstasy. Please sedate me and do what you wish; never cease to be my personal prescribed heroin...
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Clockwork*
Posts:75
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| 08/26/2010 6:06 AM |
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| Lol, artyprincess I am definately not giving up on your kind =P. I am giving up on myself, I know my limitations and some people are not cut out or designed for relationships. Believe me I am not trying to get people to feel sorry for me, nor am I feeling sorry for myself. I feel quite fine actually accepting this. Sometimes facing reality isn't as hard as many may think |
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"They told me 'Son, you're special... You were born to do great things.' Well you know what...? They were right..." - Jack *Bioschock 1*
I sit in this chair in awe of how you have this effect on me. It's as if I went to a pharmicist and they handed me you. When I smell you I become intoxicated by your narcotic aroma. I am addicted to you as if you were some specialized nicotine. I swallow your gaze like ecstasy. Please sedate me and do what you wish; never cease to be my personal prescribed heroin...
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nateynate
Posts:316
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| 08/26/2010 2:30 PM |
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| Hey man 10 years from now your thoughts could change and you just might mature in a way (not saying your immature) that will make you want to get married but whatever you do right now man good luck with |
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" Wake up oh my soul
wake up and praise the Lord
rise up you sleepy soul
rise up and praise the Lord"
Enter Your Gates |
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Adelynn
Posts:516
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| 08/26/2010 4:28 PM |
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| Until a few months ago I was absolutely, thoroughly convinced that I would be the woman Paul describes in 1 Corinthians 7.34- I would be single forever. And I couldn't have been more happy about it! It was definitely a great way to get through high school without being distracted by wondering if "he's the one" or whether or not to go for something, because even if I do end up getting married eventually, I really was supposed to be single at that time and if I wasn't meant to go after something, God would have made it not happen. |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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Clockwork*
Posts:75
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| 08/26/2010 6:08 PM |
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| Well I see what you are all saying. Makes sense. Nate I hope I didn't cause you to lose confidence in any way about your abilities. You could be very well right. This could be just a period of time when I am supposed to be single. It makes all the sense to me to remain single for as long as possible, but I could mature in a different way and want something more later. Thanks for the replies everyone. I can see where you all stand clearly and it helps when you present good points as you have in the above responses. |
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"They told me 'Son, you're special... You were born to do great things.' Well you know what...? They were right..." - Jack *Bioschock 1*
I sit in this chair in awe of how you have this effect on me. It's as if I went to a pharmicist and they handed me you. When I smell you I become intoxicated by your narcotic aroma. I am addicted to you as if you were some specialized nicotine. I swallow your gaze like ecstasy. Please sedate me and do what you wish; never cease to be my personal prescribed heroin...
.
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Beckah
Posts:903
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| 08/26/2010 10:53 PM |
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| ok i get it now.... wow. |
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"Check yourself before you wreck yourself" |
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Clockwork*
Posts:75
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| 08/26/2010 10:58 PM |
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| Oh Gosh Bekah you sound displeased |
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"They told me 'Son, you're special... You were born to do great things.' Well you know what...? They were right..." - Jack *Bioschock 1*
I sit in this chair in awe of how you have this effect on me. It's as if I went to a pharmicist and they handed me you. When I smell you I become intoxicated by your narcotic aroma. I am addicted to you as if you were some specialized nicotine. I swallow your gaze like ecstasy. Please sedate me and do what you wish; never cease to be my personal prescribed heroin...
.
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Beckah
Posts:903
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| 08/26/2010 11:00 PM |
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| no no im not i just need to think on a good reply....... lol |
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"Check yourself before you wreck yourself" |
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