dqchristian
Posts:46
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| 08/23/2010 2:08 AM |
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| Ok so here's the deal.I finally got my first gf! we were so into each other for like 3 weeks. But one day she said that she thought that we should slow down to friends for a while cause we were always holding hands and stuff. I thought it sounded fair so I agreed. Then a couple of weeks later, she said she only thought of me as a friend. I don't know how this happened! Help? |
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"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, it's playing a poor hand well."
Let’s stop trying to FIND the right match and instead BE the right match. |
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Adelynn
Posts:516
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| 08/23/2010 8:01 AM |
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| She may (may!!) have thought she was ready for a boyfriend, but the reality changed her mind. Not because of you, necessarily |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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doodlebug
Posts:1
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| 08/23/2010 9:55 AM |
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| She may have been attracted to the idea of having a boyfriend...and you were willing to be one. She liked you as a friend, and that was all it took for her to accept your offer. Here's the thing--girls mull over things, analyse their emotions to death, and somewhere in the analysis she decided that she didn't like you the way she thought she did. So don't take it personally! She wants to be your friend--be happy with that! At least she's not a vengeful mess hurling insults at you while sobbing her way through a box of kleenex. BE FRIENDS, DUDE--and if she discovers that she lost a good thing when she dumped you, she'll come back. It's her, not you. |
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clare
Posts:952
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| 08/23/2010 4:01 PM |
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| That is very true!!!! It's better to break up and be friends than to be "friends with benefits" !!! |
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nateynate
Posts:316
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| 08/24/2010 5:10 PM |
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| sometimes clare sometimes sometimes it is sometimes it aint it all depends on the girl |
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" Wake up oh my soul
wake up and praise the Lord
rise up you sleepy soul
rise up and praise the Lord"
Enter Your Gates |
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artyprincess
Posts:226
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| 08/26/2010 5:21 AM |
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| It's a big thing to start a relationship. I'm almost positive it's not your fault, but it just went too fast for her. 3 weeks and you're holding hands and getting serious - that would freak me out. That's just WAYYYY too fast for me! Perhaps she felt the same way. Don't hold it against her - she probably wasn't ready for the whole relationship thing just yet. |
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God Can. |
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dqchristian
Posts:46
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| 08/26/2010 11:01 AM |
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| Well we broke like two months ago but I never really understood why until now. But now she aint even treating me like her friend anymore.... I feel so rejected... |
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"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, it's playing a poor hand well."
Let’s stop trying to FIND the right match and instead BE the right match. |
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dqchristian
Posts:46
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| 08/26/2010 9:57 PM |
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| Now that I have another gf, she feels more comfortable telling me why we drifted apart...and it was my fault..... |
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"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, it's playing a poor hand well."
Let’s stop trying to FIND the right match and instead BE the right match. |
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Clockwork*
Posts:75
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| 08/26/2010 10:11 PM |
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How often do you date? Seems you have acquired a new gf rather quickly to me. Maybe it's just me. Perhaps your ex felt insecure about the duration of your relationship, thus causing her to feel the need for separation in fear of a termination of the relationship before you could even call it anything substantial. Essentially I'm saying your ex may have become disinclined to partake in a relationship with you becuase she was concerned as t whether you might find someone else quickly or not? But what do I knoow about relationships? =P Seize the moment with your new female friend bud! Carpe Diem! |
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"They told me 'Son, you're special... You were born to do great things.' Well you know what...? They were right..." - Jack *Bioschock 1*
I sit in this chair in awe of how you have this effect on me. It's as if I went to a pharmicist and they handed me you. When I smell you I become intoxicated by your narcotic aroma. I am addicted to you as if you were some specialized nicotine. I swallow your gaze like ecstasy. Please sedate me and do what you wish; never cease to be my personal prescribed heroin...
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dqchristian
Posts:46
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| 08/26/2010 10:17 PM |
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| Yep, Im going for it. and what had happened was that I was being selfish when it came to things between me and her, like not caring about her feelings. I didnt mean to do it and honestly I had no idea I was doing it. |
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"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, it's playing a poor hand well."
Let’s stop trying to FIND the right match and instead BE the right match. |
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Clockwork*
Posts:75
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| 08/26/2010 10:24 PM |
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| Lol well we all learn and that's the good thing about mistakes. At least you know areas where you can improve, and hopefully this new girl being the one for you, you can tend to her needs adequately. Think you will do fine man. Selfishness can be fixed easily, though the process may suck sometimes lol. I don't want to tell you how to run your relationship, but I if you need help with it just ask her to tell you what she wants and needs more often. Girls are not going to keep their feelings bottled up as often as guys in various situations. So if you make it clear you want her happy and to have good flow of communication your selfishness will rid itself as you will e naturally tending to her needs (all providing you do actually care for her). |
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"They told me 'Son, you're special... You were born to do great things.' Well you know what...? They were right..." - Jack *Bioschock 1*
I sit in this chair in awe of how you have this effect on me. It's as if I went to a pharmicist and they handed me you. When I smell you I become intoxicated by your narcotic aroma. I am addicted to you as if you were some specialized nicotine. I swallow your gaze like ecstasy. Please sedate me and do what you wish; never cease to be my personal prescribed heroin...
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dqchristian
Posts:46
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| 08/26/2010 11:32 PM |
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| The thing about it is that she expected me to already know how she felt. She just admitted that to me and that that part was her fault. |
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"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, it's playing a poor hand well."
Let’s stop trying to FIND the right match and instead BE the right match. |
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Clockwork*
Posts:75
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| 08/27/2010 6:20 AM |
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| Wow. Yea, well since you both identified the issue in the relationship, what is the problem and why did you both break up? |
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"They told me 'Son, you're special... You were born to do great things.' Well you know what...? They were right..." - Jack *Bioschock 1*
I sit in this chair in awe of how you have this effect on me. It's as if I went to a pharmicist and they handed me you. When I smell you I become intoxicated by your narcotic aroma. I am addicted to you as if you were some specialized nicotine. I swallow your gaze like ecstasy. Please sedate me and do what you wish; never cease to be my personal prescribed heroin...
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dqchristian
Posts:46
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| 08/27/2010 10:36 AM |
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| Well I think we had a major problem with communicating our feelings even after we broke up. We could have gotten back together if we knew how to communicate how we felt better. And we broke up because we moved into it too fast. |
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"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, it's playing a poor hand well."
Let’s stop trying to FIND the right match and instead BE the right match. |
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Clockwork*
Posts:75
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| 08/27/2010 11:07 AM |
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Ah I see. Makes sense and I don't balme eitehr of you. Communication is vital in relationships. Well I think if you practice telling yourself how you feel when something occurs, it will help you better express yourself. Here's a scenario:
You: "I just got slapped in the face by this jerk... and... and... *hmm I am mad but how can I describe this adequately*... and I feel like he ripped my heart out and pasted 'DISRESPECT' all over it. Then shoved it back down my throat. I think I feel more disrespect than pain, and when I get disrespected I get very emotional."
Obviously that was an exaggeration, but see how I identified the real issue. Instead of just saying, "I got mad because he slapped me", I stated that I felt very disrespected when that jerk slapped me. When I am disrespected, I get very emotional. If you can somehow identify the exact object that causes you to react and feel the way you do in your relationships, you can pin point that out to your girlfriend and be able to tell her that she is causing you to feel a certain way. I don't know if that helped, probably more confusing than anything lol. It was a little vague but I hope you get teh gist. |
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"They told me 'Son, you're special... You were born to do great things.' Well you know what...? They were right..." - Jack *Bioschock 1*
I sit in this chair in awe of how you have this effect on me. It's as if I went to a pharmicist and they handed me you. When I smell you I become intoxicated by your narcotic aroma. I am addicted to you as if you were some specialized nicotine. I swallow your gaze like ecstasy. Please sedate me and do what you wish; never cease to be my personal prescribed heroin...
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 08/31/2010 8:49 PM |
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yeah, this is the problem when people go into relationships without really knowing what is needed to build relationships and keep them going and the point of dating is to get married... if you're not intending to get married, you're kinda just going through girls, or guys, like they mean nothing and yeah...
In relationships, you need to talk about issues all the time and keep working hard to make sure you're both on the same page. A common mistake is people think relationships are a breeze, but they're not... girls expect guys to get what they're saying or strongly hinting, and guys don't get that girls freak out when he forgets to reply, or doesn't think it'll be an issue if he doesn't reply straight away. so we need to constantly talk to each other about where we're at and where we see the relationship going etc...
basically, I'm saying, there's hard work in relationships, but that's what makes them AWESOME haha. |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
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God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Clockwork*
Posts:75
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| 09/01/2010 11:59 AM |
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| Jojo defintely has valid points! |
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"They told me 'Son, you're special... You were born to do great things.' Well you know what...? They were right..." - Jack *Bioschock 1*
I sit in this chair in awe of how you have this effect on me. It's as if I went to a pharmicist and they handed me you. When I smell you I become intoxicated by your narcotic aroma. I am addicted to you as if you were some specialized nicotine. I swallow your gaze like ecstasy. Please sedate me and do what you wish; never cease to be my personal prescribed heroin...
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clare
Posts:952
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| 09/04/2010 5:54 PM |
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| @ nate...NO!! It's never better to just be friends...but have the 'benefits' such as kissing or any of that stuff. That's for couples..not friends! |
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