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Daughter_of_the_King
Posts:178
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| 03/14/2011 12:11 AM |
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| My best friend is dating this guy and he keeps asking her to send him unapproriate pictures. She said she knows it's wrong and she knows she shouldn't be dating him cause he's not good for her but that theres something about him that makes her feel amazing and she doesn't want to lose the feeling. I told her that God could be that feeling and that He could be her every thing and she says she's listening but I know she isn't, I know she's on the other side of that phone rolling her eyes at me. This same friend cuts her self well at least she says she does but when you look at it close enough you can tell it's just pen and marker and not one real cut I know this is a cry for help and I want to help her so bad because I love her more then anything and I don't know what to do to help her I pray for all the time but she just seems to get worse...... |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 03/14/2011 4:50 AM |
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WOW yes, I've been there, I wont say who it was, but yeah...
All you can do is be a friend and Pray for her... maybe invite her to some of the cool events your church/youth group is doing and try to show her how a life with God as your first love is awesome?
Do you go to womens conferences?? do they have them where you live?
We have Sistas conference here, and they have a teen/young adult (Sadly this year I'm too old  ) thingy where they have panels and Q&A about that kinda stuff... pretty cool 
I think the way she'll see that this guy is no good (and normally if you keep at her about him, she'll build up her defenses...) is to see guys around her who are Godly young men. to see that it's awesome hanging out with them as well, and you dont need that bad influence in your life
I've had my "bad boy crush" expreience, lucky I was old enough to not get sucked in too much, but yeah i think positive rolemodels etc is prob the best plan...
please ask more if you want to know more |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Nicole
Posts:552
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| 03/15/2011 2:41 PM |
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Well... Jo did take some of the words out of my mouth. 
*ahem. Okay. I haven't gone through anything like that, but my heart does go out to her. Usually, and I think, girls who know that he (her boyfriend) is not really good for her, and what he is asking for is not really appropriate or beyond her comfort zone, and yet make no move to dump him because of how he makes her feel- I think it has something to do with a low self esteem, a sense of dependency, or all of the above. She's not alone in this situation, because there are a whole bunch of other girls out there in the same or similar situation, which is unfortunate and very sad if you ask me. Anyways, I think what Jo says is true: the best thing you can do for her right now is pray for her; let her hang out with you around guys who treat girls like a daughter of God, in a respectful sort of way. When she sees guys who treat girls the right way, (hopefully) she'll come to realize that maybe this boyfriend of hers is not treating her in the most respectable way, and that she can go for something more. As much as I would be doing the same thing- telling her she can feel special in a relationship with God- I have to agree with Jo that by doing that, you'll only be building up walls of defense. What you can do, though, I think, is be that living example for her- and then she might be able to see that what you are holding out for is what she wants to hold out for. Some of the problem nowadays with Christians is that we talk the talk, but never walk the walk- so to speak. Not that anyone here does that- from what I hear I would say good job ^_^ Well, the last thing I'm going to add: just let her know how much you care  that can also break down the walls of defense too. |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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Daughter_of_the_King
Posts:178
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| 03/15/2011 3:46 PM |
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Jo, Thank you. She wont really do the whole church thing but she promised me she would try my church at least one time so I'm gonna give her a call and see if maybe this Sunday will work please be praying that she will be open to that. Our church really reaches out to thoes who have been hurt by other churchs and stuff like that and that's exactly what she needs right now because she has been hurt by other churches. There are no confrences like that close to us when some do come any where around here at all they are SO expensive :-/
Nicole, Thank you as well. She does have really low self esteem, and she told me last night she likes that he is strong and that he could protect her from all the bad things in her life that she doesn't want to face...how do I help her with that? I again told her that God could be that protection and again she wasn't listening to me. I now relize that puts up walls of defence thanks for pointint that out. I will deffinetly try to get her to come to my church and stuff.
Question what do I do about her cutting her self? I noticed that she does have some real cuts but she also has a lot of fake ones I don't understand that but I do understand that when someone cuts them selves or pretends to cut them selves they have a LOT of pain and there crying out for help
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nateynate
Posts:316
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| 03/15/2011 8:33 PM |
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| unforunately theres not much you can do about her cutting herself. But her parents can. If she is physically hurting herself you need to let her parents know. They have a right to know and you dont want to have to carry this thought of "whats gonna happen next" around with you. She might hate you for that but its wat needs to be done. Especially if shes your friend. |
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" Wake up oh my soul
wake up and praise the Lord
rise up you sleepy soul
rise up and praise the Lord"
Enter Your Gates |
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Nicole
Posts:552
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| 03/15/2011 9:55 PM |
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What Nate says is true: her parents should know.
Well, when someone cuts themselves, it does mean that they have a lot of pain inside, whether emotional, mental, or both. By cutting themselves, they can then turn from that pain inside and instead focus on the physical pain- on the pain they've inflicted on themselves by the cuts. :/ It's (usually) easier to deal with the physical pain on the outside, rather than focus on the emotional pain on the inside, because then they have to face reality, and focus on sorting all the tangled threads out that usually leads them to having to face other issues; then the idea on how to deal with that emotional pain is just a lot. By focusing instead on the pain the cuts cause, they can push aside all the other problems they may have on the inside.
No, I don't have any experience in dealing with or actually cutting myself, but 20 years of living does give you some amount of wisdom Anyways, prayer is one of the best things you can do, even if it does require a huge amount of patience- but that's also where trust is built too- not only in your friendship, but with God too. Right not I'm having to dig super deep for patience while I pray and wait for God to move and let me know.  |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 03/16/2011 3:37 AM |
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as for telling her parents.... maybe dont do it straight away, unless you know there's a really big danger, just cuz it can make her hate you and not trust you, and then your chance of speaking into her life is gone...
so, what you can do is pray for her (when you have your quiet times etc) and tell her that you dont agree with her cutting herself, because her life is precious,,, (do it in a loving nice way) but that you're her friend and are there for her...
if conferences are really expensive, maybe talk to your youth about going and seeing if you can fundraise to send people. thats what we do...
I will keep my eyes out for books on cutting etc and let you know of them, even if you're the one who reads it if she wont, because then you can maybe understand what she's got going on in her mind, and be able to help her with that understanding.
Actually, i will ask my friend Bekka (though she's still sensitive about it) about her own past of cutting and see what she says. gosh when she gave her testimony, I cried.... she's such an amazing girl!!!
but keep praying about it, cuz it's a serious topic to pray about. Maybe talk to your youth pastor or pastor (prefferably a girl) about a friend who's cutting, dont give away her name etc, and ask her what she'd do about it... bearing in mind she isn't a Christian etc. (and idk maybe seek God's advice on who to ask as it is a cautious topic... and some people tend to overreact and make it worse...
I had a youth girl who OD'd alot... and b4 my brother asked her out and kinda set her back a few paces, we were working with her about her self worth etc. I actually got her to read FYWO and it helped her out alot!
but yeah, voice your questions here to us and we'll try to help out more, and keep us informed as it's a sensitive issue and it can use all the prayer it can get |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Daughter_of_the_King
Posts:178
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| 03/16/2011 11:34 AM |
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Okay thank you. I think I agree with Jo on not telling them right now. We talked about the cuts last night and she said she stopped rather I believe her or not I'm not sure. :-/
Nicole, God has really been working on my paitence lately cuz my paitence is like a 2 right now haha. But I am working on it and that's the hardest part of this all is I've been praying for her for so long and she's gotten a bit better but lately I'm just not sure.
Jo, That's a great idea!! I could talk to my youth pastor about fundraisers! And thank you for looking for books!
GUESS WHAT Y'ALL?!?!?!!!!! She's goin to church with me this Sunday I am SO excited!!!! I have been trying to get her to go for over a year now and finnaly she's going!!! I'm just praying that she'll love it and want to come back |
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Nicole
Posts:552
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| 03/16/2011 2:55 PM |
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Oh I know patience. It's one of my weakest points. God keeps giving me situations that demand I BE patient- it's not easy.
Okay I'll be praying I hope that whatever the message is, it will get through to her. |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 03/17/2011 2:27 AM |
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serious on the patience part... I suck so bad at it, and God keeps challenging me on it lol
I've been waiting 3 yrs for God's direction, and I've been waiting like AGES for him to reveal the right guy to me... so sad being the only single one out of your friends, and then they wanna introduce you to their weirdo mates...
anyways, yeah thats good. just dont make her feel uncomfortable at church when she comes, dont go right up front and let her know it's ok if she doesn't "get" everything that is going on and she can ask questions |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Q
Posts:137
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| 03/20/2011 10:51 PM |
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Hey Jojo just a problem I have with church culture, so I'm gonna have a go at it, nothing personal to you though,
LOADS of young adults are waiting for the right guy/girl to be revealed to them by God, WHY??
When I look through the Bible my heroes (Paul, Jesus, the young David) all weren't married, and some Bible characters went actively looking for a partner, Abraham sent a servant to find Isaacs wife, Hosea was told to marry a prostitute, if I'm to get married God will have to reveal her to me like He did to Derek Prince, (I think he was planning to stay celibate before this)
a dream of her, then he recognizes her soon after and she has had the same dream of him, (coz telling a girl "God told me to marry you" is creepy if God hasn't had the decency to inform her as well), or something just as obvious as that.
also a lot of the disciples weren't married as I understand it, I may be wrong (I know Peter was married), I don't think many of the Prophets of the old testament were married either, or John (the baptist), Martin Luther (not to be confused with M.L. King) made a way for monks to be married he said something along the lines of "Celibacy is good, but freedom is better" and he wasn't married during a lot of his big breakthroughs.
I think that maybe the reason Churches push marrage is because, where is the traditional place to hold your ceremony?? and who marries the couple(for a fee)?? who gets the money for your cerimony??
I'm sorry Jojo I'm a little passionate about this subject, you made an innocent comment and I wrote an essay on it, you made the spark I had the fuel, Boom! |
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Q
Posts:137
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| 03/20/2011 11:00 PM |
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And on the subject of the friend cutting herself, I used to do it, mostly for attention, but I also liked to watch the blade glide through my skin and the blood slowly seep out, I know sick right?
I don't know what else you can do other than Pray and talk with her, sympithise with her, give her a shoulder to cry on. And just love her, as much as you can, btw sleepovers are a big help, coz for me nighttime was the worst time for wanting to end it, and barriers break down I usually open up more when I'm tired, maybe she will too, can't help with boyfriend issues, I'v personally never had one. lol. |
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dc_88keys4christ
Posts:0
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| 03/21/2011 10:29 AM |
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| WOW Quartly! This was an odd thread to put in that little speech about marriage! lol. (But I think you may be right.) Church people tend to push marriage issues (more like teasing a girl about a cute boy from Sunday School, NOT giving godly advice and encouraging her to wait, although they should be) but somehow, they won't be so quick to help a struggling youth guard against temptation, and they often completely back off of topics such as adultery, homosexuality, and the like. |
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Daughter_of_the_King
Posts:178
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| 03/22/2011 10:53 PM |
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Quartly, thank you she actaully just spent the night the night before last and went to church with me and she really liked it and wanted to come back! I'm excited!!
Thank all y'all for all your prayers!!!! |
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Q
Posts:137
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| 03/22/2011 11:16 PM |
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Is that the first time you've used my full name??
It was odd so I put what I had to say on topic at the end, but over the last year I've noticed all of the "When you get married", "When you have kids", or "you're going to make such a good husband" (usually said when you offer to take someones plate after a meal), the only issue I have with not getting married is that I REALLY want kids, but there are other options like adoption, foster, abduction, but I will see what God does. |
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dc_88keys4christ
Posts:0
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| 03/23/2011 12:18 PM |
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No, it's not the first time, and why is abduction an option???  |
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dc_88keys4christ
Posts:0
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| 03/23/2011 12:18 PM |
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| Hannah, that is wonderful news! Do you know if she has any religious background? |
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Daughter_of_the_King
Posts:178
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| 03/23/2011 5:47 PM |
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I think he was talkin to me, I think that is the first or second time I called you by your full name is that okay? Or is it not okay and I should stick to caling you Q? And I'm pretty sure he was joking about abducting at least I hope he is o.O
She does her mom is a Christain and so is her grandparents. Her grandparents go to church but she doesn't like her grandparents church because she feels very judged there. Her mom doesn't go to church because she has been hurt by churches in the past. But my friend her name is Shelby she's idk.....she's getting there and it just takes lots of prayers and paitence...I guess |
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dc_88keys4christ
Posts:0
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| 03/23/2011 5:51 PM |
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| Maybe he was talking about taking in someone who had been abducted? Q makes me think of Q-tips! Sorry Quartly, but it's true... I feel very judged in my church, but it has gotten better, and I've learned to overcome the uncertainty and serve God while I'm there anyway. If she wants to hear how I did it, I could email you, or have her email me. |
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Daughter_of_the_King
Posts:178
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| 03/23/2011 5:56 PM |
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| Yeah e-mail me my e-mail adress is livingforJesus7@gmail.com she would be mad if she knew I was talkin to someone about all this |
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