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Erica Allen
Posts:30
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| 03/15/2011 5:02 PM |
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| I have a really close friend who is really selfish an rude at times. Hes a great guy, but he doesn't know how to keep his story strait. He doesn't have a very good home life at all. I would consider hem more of a man than a teenager, because he has to do so much for his family at such a young age. He goes to church with me, and I love hem to death, hes like an older brother, ive gotten really close to hem this past summer. And sence then I have learned that he isnt as mean as most may think. But whats bothering me is that, every summer he gets really close to God it seems, and then when school starts he falls away about October. He quits comeing to church for about 3 months, Then around January he will just randomly pop back up. Then around Febuary he gets back out of church, he always pops up about March. I hate to see that he has a routine every year of getting in and out of church. I really want to talk to hem about it without hurting hem, were really close and hes comfortable with me, but i know theres still things I may say that hurt hem at times. How do I talk to hem about it?? |
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dc_88keys4christ
Posts:0
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| 03/15/2011 7:34 PM |
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Welcome back, Erica! It sounds like you have a gift of seeing good things in people that others tend to miss. That can be to your advantage, but it can also create a lot of pain, can't it?  Did his dad die or something? (You mentioned that he does a ton to help his family.) Does his older brother have lots of responsibilities as well?
As always, I'm gonna tell you to pray for him, Who is older: you or him? A good friend (you) is going to lovingly do what is possible to help, which includes hurting feelings at times. Sometimes people just need a kick! (Not literally!) Now that it's March I'm assuming he's back in fellowship. Make sure he knows that you're glad he's been coming, but don't push him just yet. Wait a little while before you say anything about his sporadic attendance; maybe he's needed at home during those times.
Do you know for sure if he's actually saved? If God wants you to confront this guy, He will make it obvious when the time comes. |
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C.Renae
Posts:2
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| 03/15/2011 8:16 PM |
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Hi Erica,
When I read what you wrote, I thought of a verse in Proverbs. Here it is:
Proverbs 27:6
Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Are you genuinely concerned for your friend's well-being? Yes. Do you love him like a brother? Yes. Your motives and reasons are wonderful. If he's really your friend, he'll be able to tell by the way you approach this topic. If it does hurt him, at least you actually addressed this like a true friend would! But before all this, I would suggest that you really pray about it and ask God for the opportunity to talk to him - never talk about something like this without God's blessing! I've seen firsthand what prayer can do when it comes to confronting people.
Hope that could help at least a bit! You're a great friend. |
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Erica Allen
Posts:30
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| 03/15/2011 8:32 PM |
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| His dad didnt die that I know of. His dad doesnt want any part of hem. He has a step dad. they dont get along at all. His mom isnt the nicest, of what he tells me. He has a older brother, hes out of the house and married, from what i know, his mom an step dad kicked his older brother out because he was really on fire for God. His older brother had it pretty hard to. He has a older half brother to, they fight all the time. His older sister has been out of the house for about 3 years i guess. i dont know much about her, i dont think he likes to talk about it. and last he has a younger brother, i know hem and his younger brother the best. his younger brother is 12, he has it made compared to the rest of his siblings. Hes goin through a pretty tough time tho. anyway, my friend is older than me by 2 years, hes 16. He has a very loving heart, its just been through A LOT. Hes the kind of person that doesnt fully trust in God. Im not to shure if hes saved. used to before I knew hem very well i thout he was, but now that I know hem, Something tells me in my heart that he isnt. We got in an arguement about a month ago, he quit comeing to church, then saturday he said sorry and all that kinda stuff and he came to church sunday. I know heel be back out again soon, if he doesnt surrender to God. I know i hurt his feelings sometimes, i can see it when I talk to hem. I know he knows i jus say what i say because i love hem, but i dont wana be so harsh either. Sometimes i just wna beat hem up lol he drives me insane lol. I dont know how to talk to hem about it because, even tho he looks to me for help, hes my older brother at heart and i dont wana disrespect hem. |
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Erica Allen
Posts:30
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| 03/15/2011 8:34 PM |
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| thank you! and yes. i am praying very strongly about this. I know how things get when people dont listen to God. Trust me ive been ther, and it aint pretty lol |
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nateynate
Posts:316
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| 03/15/2011 8:41 PM |
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| well i can probably guess why his attendance is so sparatic at church. If his bro got dropped from home cause he was fully for God, then hes probably a little scared his parents might drop him to if they think hes on fire to much for God. Hes probably actually trying to go as much as he can without risking his place that he can stay at. |
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" Wake up oh my soul
wake up and praise the Lord
rise up you sleepy soul
rise up and praise the Lord"
Enter Your Gates |
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Nicole
Posts:552
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| 03/15/2011 10:09 PM |
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| I can understand dysfunction in families :/ and I don't recommend it at all for anyone. But after reading what you posted Erica, I really must say, Nate took the words right out of my mouth. I highly suspect also that your friend's sporatic attendance at church has much to do with the fact that his older brother got kicked out of the house just for being on fire for God. If your friend is the only believer in his house right now, and especially with no one to really talk to among his parents, I suspect it's probably trying his faith, and really hard for him to be the only Christian in his household with the looming possibility that he will get kicked out of the only home he's ever known just for being a Christian. Someday though, he will have to choose, and I hope someday he comes to realize that God will take care of him no matter what, but I would pray right now. |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 03/16/2011 3:16 AM |
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well, to bring a different side to the topic...
I know this story of a girl, she became a christian and she went to church all the time.
Her parents dissaproved and told her to stop going to church...
She prayed and asked God about what to do, because the Bible said "Obey your parents" and she felt God telling her to listen to her parents.
So she stopped going to church. and her parents were so suprised that she was being obedient, they wanted to know why etc...
long story short, because she obeyed her parents, they became christians and now go to church with her...
So sometimes, you do have to "not" go to church, but like in the story, it is something he will need to pray about and you can pray for him too.
I wouldn't confront him about it, I'd probably show him I was his friend, and that I was always there for him to talk to, and when he feels open enough to talk to you, maybe just be caring and ask how home life is, and if you can pray for anything, and once you've built up that trust that comes from being reliable and not blabbing (not that you do) and not judging etc, and he trusts you, you can maybe bring up the topic about why he's jumpy with his church attendance... and remember to do it lovingly, and if he shy's away, just say "Well, if you ever want to talk about it, or have prayer for it, let me know, I'm here" and leave it at that, cuz it's his choice to look for help etc, and encourage him to pray 
ok... I'll write more if it comes to mind, but thats all I have atm |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Erica Allen
Posts:30
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| 03/16/2011 3:02 PM |
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| Thanks guys Im kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place. I dont think hes scared of being kicked out, rite now. ive thout that that may be a reason, but he moved out at the end of the summer, because of something that had happend, his parents moved about 15 min. away. he resently had to move back with them about 4 or 5 months ago. But he doesnt really LIVE with them, its hard to explain, but he sleeps at his grandmas house an goes to his mom an dads after school and stuff. Yall get what i mean?? So I dont see that being kicked out is a problem, an i dont think he does either. I think its more of a struggle of faith rite now. I dont know for shure because im not with hem all the time but i do think that hes
struggleing to listen to God about everything going on in his life. |
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dc_88keys4christ
Posts:0
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| 03/21/2011 10:36 AM |
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| Hmm. okay. Well, I'm gonna have to agree with Nate anyway. He probably isn't too worried about getting kicked out (well, not yet, anyway), but he is probably searching to find a balance: does he want to try to get on his parents' "good" side, or go all out for God? He probably hasn't gotten to a point of spiritual maturity that he realizes it's better to go 100% for God, then trust God to help heal his family. |
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Erica Allen
Posts:30
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| 03/28/2011 7:26 AM |
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| he trys to stay on his familys "good" side, i try to tell hem if he wud go all the way for God then God will take care of the people he loves. he doesnt really listen. |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 03/29/2011 4:18 AM |
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yeah, sometimes when people are too stubborn to listen, and you've done all you really can, all we can really do is pray and hope God can sort it out...
I know we all feel so helpless when we can't do anything, but sometimes God wants us to realise we can't get through to people, or situations without him... |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Erica Allen
Posts:30
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| 03/29/2011 7:24 PM |
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| yeah ive been praying about it for a wile, sometimes things between me an hem r cool then othr times we argue every time we talk it seems. were kinda n tha argueing stage rite now. we got into an arguement at a valentines thing at our church and he wouldnt talk to me for a month or so, then he said sorry an two weeks later were fighting again. hes a really nice guy but very stuborn |
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Erica Allen
Posts:30
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| 04/06/2011 5:22 PM |
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Ok, guys. He text me this morning just before school started, and said that his mom says its not her fault that he has no where else to go, and that she expects hem to say sorry for that.  annnnd she woke hem up yelling at hem. and when he got on the bus, like 20 min later she called hem an made hem get off and walk home. what kind of a mom would do that?!?! its insane. any advise? |
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Nicole
Posts:552
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| 04/06/2011 6:04 PM |
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Ouch.
Mmm well I can kind of understand what your friend must be feeling, though details I'm not going to get into here- it's personal stuff.
That said. The only advice I have for your friend is to be strong, and not let his mom or anything she says that puts him down get to him. My best advice for him is to try and realize who he is in Christ, and cling to that. It doesn't matter what his mom or what the world says. He's not alone either.
The only thing I can say about the mom is that she probably didn't come from such a loving family herself. I definitely think she can break free from what she's known and start something new with her son, but what she does is out of my reach. Despite that though, you can pray for her, refrain from judging her because we don't know what her motives, reasons or background is like, and understand that we're not all perfect. Of course, you and I don't agree with her actions and how she treats her son, but condemning her isn't going to work either. Pray, reflect God's love, mercy and compassion, and I don't know what else to say, except that I know it's far easier said than done.  |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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Erica Allen
Posts:30
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| 04/07/2011 7:32 AM |
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| thanks, and yeah i know sometimes i judge her. I know isnt rite but i still judge her sometimes even though im told not to. I feel really bad for there family, even his mom. I know that under all that yelling and screaming is a heart thats crying out for God. But they feel judged thats why they dont go to church anymore, is because they felt looked down up on in the churches they used to be in. i wish they would that not every church is like that. |
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Nicole
Posts:552
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| 04/08/2011 12:39 AM |
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Well as far as the judging thing.... I can be guilty of that myself. God is working on me though.
As far as them feeling judged by the church.... ouch. I wish churches, Christians, would learn to really reflect the heart of God. We can't judge, we don't know the heart, AND we're sinners ourselves- definitely not perfect. So I would think, 'Okay so we're not perfect either, and what gives us the right to judge them? We're just as guilty, and God calls us to love one another, just as He loved us first.'
There's also a verse in the Bible that goes something like, 'why do you point out the speck that is in your brother's eye, when you yourself have a plank in your own eye?' something like that. Essentially, the speck is definitely smaller than a plank- which is in our own eye. to me that says a lot. To narrow it down, we just have to stop being hypocrites. I have to admit, it is easier said than done though. :/
But hey! You can be the first to show them Christ's love Erica. Show them that not all Christians are like that, and it'll make a big difference. I should remember to pray for you more often. |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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Erica Allen
Posts:30
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| 04/11/2011 6:42 PM |
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| thank you And yeah God is really working in me. Im deff not the way i was yesterday, or last week, or last year. I feel God working on me everyday. I feel like hes giving me the faith to do things Ive never had the faith to do. I feel like God has laid it on my heart not only to get my mom an dad in church but also to get people I would never even talk to in church. I know im only 14 but God givs us younger ones jobs to lol. Ive really been praying for my bro an his family alot lately, the devil is really hittin them hard rite now, but my paster always says. "If the devils tryin to get to you, Gods doing something with you." and i really think that God is doing something in there lives, i dont know what but i know God does. soooooo. Ive had a peace about my bro for awile. and i thank God for that |
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Nicole
Posts:552
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| 04/12/2011 5:09 PM |
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Haha I love that quote: 'if the devil is trying to get you, God's doing something with you'
I think it's very true. The devil wouldn't be trying to get you, go after you, unless he was already pleased with how you were living your life. In other words, we should consider it a good thing the devil is working extra hard to tempt us, because it means we're already so far gone in Christ that the devil does not like it one bit. If you think about it, the devil is only going to work harder to try and make you fall if you already are very much in love with God.
I think it just paints a nice mental image for me. |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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Erica Allen
Posts:30
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| 04/12/2011 8:42 PM |
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| lol yeah i totally agree with you lol me an my bro r fightn agn gosh hes stuborn haha |
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