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Rozanne
Posts:3
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| 12/22/2008 5:40 AM |
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Hi!
My name is Rozanne and I'm new to the forums here.  I read FWO and reeeeaaally enjoyed it!!
I wasn't sure wether to post this in the teens or adult forum, it's a kind of in-between question so I think I'll post in both and see what reactions I get.
It's something I specifically want to find out from GUYS!
I was wondering, what is it about a girl that makes a guy think, "I'll marry her."? A lot of my friends/people I know are getting married or want to get married and it's just something that I suddenly thought about. I know what qualities I (and I think women in general) would look for in a guy that would take him past "just another guy" to "might make a good husband" and I got to wondering  about the other side.
So what are those qualities that a guy looks for in a future wife, or that he sees in a girl that makes him think, "I want to marry her"?
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Mike
Posts:89
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| 12/22/2008 11:18 AM |
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Just because a lot of your friends are getting married are want to get married doesn't mean that you should worry about getting married yourself presently. However, there are some qualities that guys look for in women.
Outward appearance is not as important as some would have women believe. It's important to be clean and take care of yourself (i.e. take showers and brush your teeth), but it's not necessary to put lots of makeup and such to try and impress people. I wish that women would understand that once the guy in their life finds them beautiful, that no matter how they look on a specific day that they're still beautiful to them. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And nobody seriously expects women to be perfect looking. Also, being modest is a good quality, because it reflects a sense of self-confidence to guys. Being modest isn't wearing baggy jeans and t-shirts for the rest of your life, but is instead avoiding short shorts, miniskirts, and low cut shirts (and very tight clothes as well). Avoiding those three things is not overly restrictive on a woman's wardrobe, but can make a world of difference in how it makes you appear more confident to others. (and by the way, guys need to be modest too)
For inward qualities, the four most important ones are for a woman to first of all have a relationship with God and have the same core beliefs that the man does (Jesus is part of the Trinity and came to earth to die on the Cross and forgive our sins), to be caring, to be a good listener, and to be confident. Once again, nobody expects women to be perfect (how many guys would fit the qualities that a woman is looking for in a man perfectly?). Self-confidence is something that a man really likes in a woman, but I also know that it can be hard for women to be self-confident and secure. This is something that comes from a strong relationship with God, because security and confidence that comes from a man will never be as strong as security and confidence that comes directly from God.
A good book to read is Single Men Are Like Waffles, Single Women Are Like Spaghetti, because it really highlights how to communicate with each other and understand each other better. Men and women have a number of differences, and this book helps point them out and describes how to work through them. It's the non-married version of the book Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti. This book is one of the best books on communicating with each other. I would really recommend to people to read one of Shaunti's books, FYWO, FYMO, FMO, or FWO to get a handle on the opposite sex, and then to read Single Men Are Like Waffles, Single Women Are Like Spaghetti to understand how to communicate and understand each other at an even deeper level.
Hopefully this helps whoever has similar questions as well.
Mike
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 12/22/2008 12:32 PM |
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yeah it definitely helps, mike! thanks alot.
since reading fywo and another book, lies young women believe by dannah gresch and nancy leigh demoss, my eyes have been greatly opened. to guys, my girl friends, and much more.
it'd be very appreciated if any other guys have tips and insight about this subject, too!
:] |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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Austin
Posts:49
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| 12/26/2008 1:54 AM |
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| I am only 17, but I have thought a lot about marriage. Mike pretty much covered all the bases, but I though I would go over what I feel is most important in a girl. Most important thing: she has to be confident, or at least come off that way. Nothing is more attractive than a pretty, and very confident (but not haughty) girl. I personally go for pretty girls... That's just the way I am, not that I am not attracted to girls who are less physically attractive, but that's just how guys are naturally wired. Third, and I probably should have put this second, she must be really sweet and likable (not too down all the time, flirty when the mood is right, you know...). But a wife must be the person I would want raising my children. The person who I can talk to without ever running out of things to say. The person I can love without regard to physical appearance. |
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God is HUGE, and he loves me. |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 12/26/2008 5:01 PM |
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That is some awesome insight Austin!
I think maybe us girls should also write what we'd look for in a guy. who knows, maybe the guys can get some ideas from it.
Like if I had to list 5 things...
1. He must be an awesome Godly man. Be seriously into doing what God's called him to do.
2. We must get along, and our families as well. Even if we dont like the same things always, at least if we both show interest in the other person.
3. He must want a family, cuz, well, I want one, and If he doesnt, I dont know how I could live with that...
4. this one is quite trivial, but hopefully our occupations would go together, like if we have to move around or not etc...
5. Of corse there's the physical appearance side of things, I at least have to think he's good looking, even if all my friends think he's the ugliest thing they saw (It did happen once. lol)
So yeah, I hope that helps a little... |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 12/27/2008 2:04 PM |
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that's a good idea, jojo. here are my standards for the guy i'm looking for (i've written them down previous to this post) so i remember when i'm going goo-goo-gaa-gaa for somebody. because as usual, we ladies tend to blow everything out of the water and sugarcoat what's not-so-great about the guy, y'know? i've written down (and keep adding things, too) what i want in a guy now, before i enter a relationship, so i know what i want beforehand. here they are (yeah, it's a novel, but i ain't settlin'):
(In no specific order):
He must be saved, of course. He must be on the same spiritual level as me. We must be able to understand each other fully when we talk about God, spirituality, etc.
He’ll have to be decisive. I don’t want a guy who beats around the bush about every little thing and can’t make decisions about even the simplest stuff. I don’t want to have to "wear the pants" in the relationship half the time, simply because he won’t step up to the plate.
He’ll have to be dependable. No, I don’t want him on my beck and call 24/7. But when he says he’ll do something or be somewhere, he’ll mean it. Or if something comes up and he can’t do it, he’ll have a good reason for it and not just because he "didn't feel like it". And he’ll be there to listen to me, even if I’m just rambling and being, well, me. He won’t interrupt me constantly and try to get his own stories in my time. He’ll know I need to talk and want to be there for me when I need him.
He’ll have to prove to me that he’s worthy of my emotions and time before we start dating. Whether this means talking to my parents about us, hanging out with me one-on-one, telling me to my face all the sappy stuff you hear, and just plain proving it to me by his actions, then that’s what I want. The most it will mean to me is by his actions. I want to see that I mean a lot to him, not just hear it constantly from him or other people. I want him to make a conscious effort to spend time with me, do things for me, etc. If he can’t do it before the relationship starts, what makes me think he’ll be able to change afterwards?
I want him to be outright honest. I'm a blunt person, that's my personality. If he's constantly lying about dumb stuff (ex. "Did you do your homework today?" "Haha, well, yeah! Duh!" when he actually didn't) then that's a major turn-off. The little stuff now will turn into larger stuff later on.
He must be consistently respectful to everybody, especially those older than him. If he's only friendly to people when he knows others (or I'm) watching, I will notice, but in a wrong way. If he respects even the sunday school kids and elders in the church at any and all times like it's second nature, that's a big turn-on.
He must be modest himself and value modesty in a girl, both on the inside and out. If he's constantly flirting with girls, but tells me he likes me, that's just stupid and I won't value his words at all. The way he simply carries himself, uses his words, acts towards different people (friends, his family, other families, girls, the elderly) is what I'm on the watch for. If he could care less how he looks/acts most of the time, then why would he care how I look or act either?
How he uses his time, too. If he spends his weekends chatting, playing video games, and watching movies and then failing in school, that's also a huge turn-off. I want him to value his days, spend time reading and studying the Bible, and getting his schoolwork done. If he zones at the words "book" or "author", that can be a turn-off, too. I love to read and I at least want my future husband to know the value of a novel and not just the comic strip.
He knows the value of a dollar and spends his money wisely. If he's constantly spending his earnings frivilously (if he even has a job, which is a turn-on, guys) and depending on his parents to bail him out most of the time, that's just plain lame. Do I think that'll change once he gets out of highschool or married? Nope.
okay, well that's it for now. like i said, i'm constantly adding stuff to this list. it's long but in the end, worth it. :] |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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Mike
Posts:89
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| 12/27/2008 4:56 PM |
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Emily, having standards like so and sticking to them is probably one of the other really important things that guys look for. It is one of the things that will cause a guy to really respect a girl.
In my own experience, I asked a girl out on a date because I thought she was attractive and friendly, and I figured I could get to know her (because that's what I knew about dating Freshman year of High School). She told me that she wouldn't date me because she wanted to wait until she was looking for somebody to marry, because dating is supposed to be for that, not to get to know people. That was probably the best thing I've heard in regards to relationships, and God really blessed me by showing me that dating to get to know people wasn't a good way of going about relationships. I really respect that girl for adhering to her standards even when she wasn't feeling very strong (she was at a low point in her life at that time too). She has so many other positive traits, and she's now my best friend and I hope to date her someday.
So standards are very good and another very important thing that's attractive to a guy. |
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Derek
Posts:23
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| 12/28/2008 6:48 PM |
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yeah, i have been thinking about this a lot recently as well, now that i'm getting older (20). but i'm still not planning on getting married soon.
for the most part, i agree with mike and austin
1) loves God and is constantly growing closer to Him. same level spiritually as i am. 2) (and from here, there's really no particular order), i am attracted to her, both inside and outside. 3) a caring person 4) wants a family  actually, i'm hoping for a dynasty, but we'll see
i'm sure there's other smaller stuff that i have forgotten. |
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Whbit
Posts:2
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| 01/04/2009 3:07 AM |
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Wow, a lot to think about here. This was very encouraging.
Derek - A dynasty. haha Wow! Can't say I was expecting that. That was great.  hahaha |
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kaykays<3
Posts:17
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| 01/04/2009 3:19 PM |
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is the spigetti and waffle book by chad eastham? he has another book called the truth about guys and if im not mistaken it come with a dvd too (dont quote me about the dvd part) he spoke @ the revolve tour. hes pretty impressive. to any girls, if theres any concert u should go to go to revolve. its such an amazing experience.  |
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**Search your heart, you know you can't deny it
Come on, lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave his only son just to save us
**the day that true love died**
---kaylee--- |
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