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Ophoe
Posts:25
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| 01/29/2009 12:02 AM |
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Well...I'm facing a dilemma right now. There is a guy in my class that I kind of knew beforehand, although mainly by sight. Anyway, now we share a couple of classes and know each other a little better. But here's the problem. I used to have a crush on him that I thought I got over, but when we officially met in class it kinda came back (you know, the "he's talking to me!!" feeling). There was no immediate problem: I was just friendly (a bit giddy privately) and I didn't actively pursue anything...it was kind of open ended. Now I've realized I am in no way ready to even give him an impression of my feelings...I haven't even sorted them out yet! I want those to stay private. But I tend to get awkward around guys I like, especially when I DON'T want to start anything. I'm not interested in being "with" this guy right now, but I do want to be friends with him. I don't know how to send a message that I am friendly and like him as a friend without a) making it seem like I'm open to more than friendship or b) appearing awkward and thus making it obvious that I kind of like him. I REALLY don't want to end up in an awkward situation. From a guy's perspective (or experienced girl) how do you think I should act so that we are just in a comfortable friendship, pure and simple?
It might help to know that we are brainstorming partners in a class project right now, so we will be meeting to work on it at least twice.
I'll really appreciate you guys' help!!  |
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Mike
Posts:89
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| 01/29/2009 12:07 AM |
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Just be yourself. Don't flirt with him at all is probably the best advice. If you guys hang out, make sure it's in groups. If you're with him with perhaps 1 other person or by yourselves, it kind of ruins the image that you don't like him.
Hope this helps a bit. |
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Ophoe
Posts:25
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| 01/29/2009 12:47 AM |
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| Thanks, Mike. So, for instance, would meeting for the project in a public place be ok? We need to work together because it's a duo project.
Also, I'm afraid my "natural self" would still appear flirtatious. For instance, how often is it ok to smile? What about eye contact? I tend to smile a lot...*especially* when I think I shouldn't!
Thanks for the input! I really appreciate it. (Anyone else that has something to say, I am open to as much advice as you guys can give me!) |
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artyprincess
Posts:226
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| 01/29/2009 4:24 AM |
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Treat him like you would one of your girl-friends. I know he's a guy, but you want to stay on the same friends level, don't you? Don't give him signals that you wouldn't give one of your other friends. If you're naturally smiley, then that shouldn't be a problem. Eye contact in moderation is good, it shows that you're interested in what he is saying. If you avoid eye contact, he might think something's wrong.
Good luck on the project!! |
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God Can. |
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Locke
Posts:223
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| 01/29/2009 12:07 PM |
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| Meeting in a public place would definitely be okay. Do you have any brothers? Treat him like you would treat one of them. If not, treat him like would you treat your dad. Kind, polite, but not romantically interested. |
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It is trifles that make the sum of life. |
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Ophoe
Posts:25
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| 01/30/2009 12:45 AM |
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| What exactly is flirting? I mean, I'm not exactly an old hand at it. My way of "not flirting" is to avoid keeping eye contact too long and to withhold myself a bit, but frankly it just seems a little shifty and awkward. I'd like to *know* what flirting is so that I can relax and enjoy myself w/out worrying about the messages I might be sending. But I realize life/relationships are not really as black-and-white as we'd like. Anyhow, any definite no-nos, guys? What is a "clear" message of flirtation to you? |
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Locke
Posts:223
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| 01/30/2009 2:46 AM |
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I think that differs for everybody, but for me, flirting is when a girl touches me outside of just a hug or a handshake (think laying a hand on my shoulder or squeezing my hand tightly), when she makes comments like, "I think you're cute," or is just generally extremely friendly. I don't consider it flirting if she's just polite.
But seriously, do you have any brothers or male cousins? Treat your guy friends as you would treat them, as guys but not as potential romantic partners. Don't treat them like your girlfriends, because we don't like to talk as much and if you switch through fifty different subjects we'll shut down and tune you out. 
This isn't really a black-and-white subject, like you said. People are just too different to make up rules for flirting and not flirting. So just ask yourself, "Does this (what you do with your male friends) honor God?" |
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It is trifles that make the sum of life. |
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XtremeRiskTaker
Posts:5
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| 02/04/2009 10:06 PM |
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| Alright. if you have the dudes IM or cell number, you're in pretty good territory. Just send him casual texts or IM's like "Sup" and just text kinda cassualy. Over time you'll probably become pretty good friends and then you can kinda let him know how you feel. Just don't come on to strong or he'll get kinda weirded out. Just remember to be yourself. |
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@$Spyder$@ |
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Sandy
Posts:48
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| 02/04/2009 10:11 PM |
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| Kinda let him know how you feel? |
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