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Koudee
Posts:91
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| 05/12/2009 11:55 PM |
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Ok, I just wanted to start a thread for people to talk about problems with sexual addiction, and I wanted to avoid hijacking a thread, so I thought I would make a new one. (the start of this convo is in the "tough question" thread by David if you want to look it up.
Anyway, Emily,
I went to live with my mom for a year, and we were remodeling the house, so for a few months I didn't have any walls in my house, no tv, internet, cell phones for a year, and a thin piece of paper separating my room and my moms...heheh...eh...yea.
Did a lot to improve my spiritual life! However lately I'm back to having unlimited privacy, and internet...so a lot of the struggle is sneaking back on me. |
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Emily
Posts:29
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| 05/13/2009 12:03 AM |
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yeah, I guess having paper thin walls and no axcess to anything would have a big effect on how you are living your life. It is so hard when you have unlimited privacy and ways to delete things off the computer and what not.I was good for a while(right after one of my friends got sent to rehab for drug use, it just devestated me! i made a promise to myself saying that as long as he could stay clean of drugs i could from looking at pornography. it worked for a little bit, but soon I fell back into my old habbits ) Question, do you have a good support system of people that can help keep you accountable? |
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Emilyy |
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Koudee
Posts:91
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| 05/13/2009 12:07 AM |
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No, not really. I know a lot of guys that would like to say that they would like to help, but I don't think they really would.
Do you? |
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Emily
Posts:29
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| 05/13/2009 12:26 AM |
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How come you think that they do not reallly work?
No I do not, nobody from where I live knows...so I do not know what would be better, having the support system of friends or nobody at my school knowing (or my church and family)..... |
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Emilyy |
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David
Posts:499
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| 05/13/2009 1:04 AM |
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If you don't mind me peeking in here...
Either of you ever heard of xxxchurch.com? It's got some pretty good resources for this sort of thing. Also, how do you guys feel about online accountability partners? It loses some "oomph", if you will, as you don't necessarily know the person and might be more ok with lying. But it's better than nothing. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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Emily
Posts:29
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| 05/13/2009 1:08 AM |
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no i have never heard of that before, but i think i might look into it!
I am not opposed to it, in fact i might feel much more comfortable with it thanwhat I do with having one with my friends at school.
I'm stillpretty curious as to what Koudee thinks about accountablity partners, from what he said to me...
but personally it sounds like a great idea. I would love to do that |
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Emilyy |
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Emily
Posts:29
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| 05/13/2009 1:10 AM |
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| OHHH I just now got what he meant by that...so never mind koudee to what i asked... i understand what your saying, and i agree, most people probably wouldnt be of muchhelp |
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Emilyy |
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David
Posts:499
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| 05/13/2009 1:22 AM |
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| Then what say we start an e-mail group of accountability for anyone who might be interested. Obviously, if there are just a huge number of people interested, little sub-accountability-groups would need to be used, but it's probably unlikely so many would be interested. While my above worry is still valid, you do make a good point Emily. Anonymity might actually be an asset, as you don't have to deal with such strong feelings of embarrassment. Anyways, just an idea. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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Locke
Posts:223
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| 05/13/2009 1:44 AM |
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I highly recommend getting a support system and an accountability partner. You have no idea how much support they can give you until you're struggling alone. I've seen some people refuse to ever go for help, and others open up and blossom as they reach out and ask others to help. Ecclesiastes 4:12 strikes me as a wonderful verse to apply to this: "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Honesty can be hard. Sometimes it feels as though those you talk to will think you're disgusting or dirty. But oh! The freedom you experience once you stop hiding things.
Koudee, is there any way for you to disable certain categories of sites on your computer and then lock your ability to change that? I know how to do so for computers using the Mac OS, but for Windows I have no clue, heh. I've read of programs that will track your Internet usage and then email it to someone for you, to keep you accountable. You might try checking for something like that.
Emily, are there any older women you trust implicitly? How about your mother? Any woman who knows you well and whom you trust would be great. If you don't know anybody who fits that description, is it possible for you to find a woman at your church and begin developing such a relationship? It's worth it. |
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It is trifles that make the sum of life. |
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David
Posts:499
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| 05/13/2009 1:51 AM |
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I've read of programs that will track your Internet usage and then email it to someone for you, to keep you accountable.
There's one of those on the site I mentioned. It's free. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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Emily
Posts:29
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| 05/13/2009 7:42 AM |
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I wish I could say that I did have an older women that I trust, but I donot. I'd rather my parents didnt find out about this till a later date, just because of how they react to things. I'd rather be clean of this when they find out about it, it would just help the situation. And all the women in my town are extremly big gossipers, especially considering my dad is a teacher and my youth pastor.
Ok David, let's form an email accountability group. I really do think that anonymity would help me alot more than a face to face group. |
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Emilyy |
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Koudee
Posts:91
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| 05/13/2009 9:29 AM |
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Hey, I'm not aginst it or anything, its just finding a good group of guys is sometimes a hard thing to do.
I have the filters turned on my compuder, and that gets most of it. My biggest struggle isn't surfing porn, its my thoughts. For example I went over to crickets house and she was still in her PJs (thin material) I asked her to change, but I have been fighting what I saw for days now. Oh yea, and watching Anime...its gotta be inpossible to be an otaku christian!!! (I recentley had to shread my manga collection) |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 05/13/2009 10:58 AM |
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ah guys, my heart goes out to you!
koudee, in all honesty, crickett should've known better. I would have to be caught DEAD first for a guy to see me in my PJ's! that breaks my heart to hear that she had the audacity to do that, even if it was sweats and a cami. seriously, I would have a "chat" (heh) with her if I knew her personally. I'm glad you spoke up though, and if it happens again, you should seriously try to talk to one of her girlfriends or an older woman in your church and get them to talk to her about it.
emily, if I could shout this from a rooftop, I would: you are NOT alone. I've never had problems with pornography, but gosh, the commercials/movies/billboards these days might as well be "soft porn"! I know how it feels to KNOW what you're viewing is wrong, but your flesh says, "ooh, but this 'feels' so good." but the Bible says, (I'm paraphrasing), sin's pleasure lasts only for a moment.
I've dealt with what you're going through though, in another context. just last summer, one of my close girl friends (yes, not a guy friend) admitted at a WOMEN'S SEMINAR in front of about 30 other ladies, that she had been addicted to porn around 3 years ago. when she said that, alot of us just broke down and wept for her, though she had been released from those chains for a while. it was the first time she had admitted it to anybody, though. and the release she felt? it was amazing! we cried, hugged, talked, and laughed for probably 20 minutes. I can hardly imagine the freedom she felt that day and for weeks to come.
I just want to encourage you, find someone to hold you accountable. admit what you've done, what you're doing, what you're afraid you'll continue to do. and then tell this person that they need to admonish (another word for "account for") you whenever you slip up. I agree with the online friend, in a way. if you honestly have nobody at all in your youth group/church, try on here or another trusted Christian blog. you do need someone, we all do. I'll be praying for you. :]
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." - Galatians 5:1 |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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David
Posts:499
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| 05/13/2009 12:07 PM |
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This is merely speculation so feel free to push back anyone, but I wonder if finding a woman is really the right choice for her. Of course, on the surface it seems to be. It's woman, she's a woman. It seems they, being the same gender, would just be a better fit. However, though porn viewing (at least the sort of porn we're talking about - read my long posts in that other porn topic if you want to know what I'm talking about) among women might be a bigger problem than we all think, I'd still be willing to bet there are not many women who have experienced it. As such, even if she found a good woman to talk to, which would be ideal (though doesn't sound likely), she still will most likely have no idea what Emily is really going through. A man, however, has much greater chance of knowing what it's like. In that sense, talking to a man might be better. Of course, that poses a whole mess of potential problems as well. But he, at least, could understand.
Alright, so, for anyone who's interested, we should all exchange e-mail addresses. We can do that on here or somewhere else. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 05/13/2009 12:15 PM |
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| david, you can click on our names and (if they're listed) our email addresses are shown on our profiles. :] |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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David
Posts:499
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| 05/13/2009 2:02 PM |
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| Hey check that out. Thanks, Emilyjanelle. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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Emily
Posts:29
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| 05/13/2009 3:16 PM |
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Thankyousoo much Emily. Thatmeans alot. and I'd much rather have someone on here help me with my struggles, although I do see a point in having someone who is around me knowing. Itsjust so hard for me to ttell any of my friends that are around me....
Iagree with you David,it's extremly hard to find a woman who knows what youre going through.
Do youall have facebook? that might be a little easier,if you send emails back and forth on there. just a suggestion though, emails would be great also though.
i tried looking for the emails but didnt see them.maybeI'm blind |
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Emilyy |
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Koudee
Posts:91
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| 05/13/2009 6:28 PM |
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Yea, I just made a facebook, but I don't have a pic on there or anything so I'll try and find you guys.
Yea Janelle, I might talk to her about it more, just to make sure we are on the same page. She was wearing a t-shirt and Pj bottoms, and I don't think she realized how much they were clinging to her, becuase when I brought it up she had no idea. I mean, we are talking about a girl who doesn't hold chapstick with her lips while puting her hair up because "its sexual". Yea, apparentley the girls I hang out with have this idea that guys get heated when we see stuff like that, I haven't actually botherd to them otherwise yet, its just one of thier "what guys like" myths.
So its really out of character for her to let that happen. |
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Emily
Posts:29
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| 05/13/2009 9:59 PM |
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Yes, and you found me successfully!...I know that Emily has a facebook, so if whoever else wants to join in, we can send a mass message to everyone who wants to join our support group of sorts....
My boyfriend lives long distance from me, and in two weeks I am going up to vist him. What you said Cody has brought up an interesting point to me. I was planning on just bringing the usual cami and shorts, but I'm now thinking that might not be the most appropriate thing? |
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Emilyy |
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Koudee
Posts:91
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| 05/13/2009 10:18 PM |
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Ok, I have proababley seen one, but whats a "Cami" I tried to google it, but I don't think that is the "Cami" you guys are talking about.
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