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tosin
Posts:30
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| 05/26/2009 6:34 PM |
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Hey ppl,
This has been disturbing me for sometime now. I'm not a guy so i have the faintest idea/reason of what guys find in watching pornography. I have this male friend who said he can do without having sex but he sort of CAN'T do without watching porn, so i kept wondering what the big deal is cuz i feel its all about selfcontrol...i find this habit really terrible though and i just need u guys/girls to tell what is so special in watching porn(cuz i see it as a useless demonic activity,seriously!!) and please also tell me the best advice to give this friend of mine so he stops watching it.
God bless y'all
xxx |
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David
Posts:499
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| 05/26/2009 6:56 PM |
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If I wasn't at work I would write you a more lengthy, hopefully more helpful reply. Alas, I will have to content myself with asking you a question.
Can you tell me why you think watching pornography is wrong? To do this you will actually have to answer a series a questions. What system of morality are you using? How does that system of morality actually relate to porn? Though your instinctive reaction to porn may be the feeling of disgust, can you tell me if and why it is wrong?
I'm not asking because I disagree with you. I'm asking to understand where you are coming from. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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tosin
Posts:30
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| 05/26/2009 7:15 PM |
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Okay David,
Hmmmm, i see it this way.......watching porn comes from series of thoughts in guys and leads to more thoughts and then masturbation...nd my system of morality tells me our bodies are God's temple so why mess with it?? yeah,so that's my reason 4 finding porn disgusting...talk more of being addicted to it...hope u understand |
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David
Posts:499
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| 05/26/2009 7:53 PM |
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What series of thoughts are you referencing that lead to watching porn?
In what way do our bodies being "God's temple" mean that looking at porn is bad? Or that masturbation is bad?
Again, I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just trying to get you to clarify a bit  |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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tosin
Posts:30
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| 05/26/2009 8:03 PM |
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lol @ ur questions.
well, m not a guy but i jst feel u'll definitely have thot of sex before watching a pornographic movie or goin to those 'funny' sites..nd then masturbation is wrong cuz its like messing with ur own body and God's temple isnt meant to be messed with........hope u can finally answer me now...lol |
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David
Posts:499
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| 05/26/2009 8:41 PM |
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By "messing with" do you meaning to cause harm? If so, any time you eat fast food or ice cream or brownies you are doing something wrong.
Also, is thinking of sex wrong? Is desiring sex wrong?
Tosin, if you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I'm honestly not trying to be patronizing, but it will affect my answer. Also, exactly how long of an answer do you want? This is not a simple issue and therefore an adequate answer to your question will not be a simple answer. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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tosin
Posts:30
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| 05/26/2009 9:54 PM |
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wow...im goin thru so much to get an answer
okay, thinkin of sex isnt wrong but its what u do with the thoughts that matters...im 19,,,can i get an answer now...it doesnt matter if its long or not |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 05/26/2009 10:06 PM |
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lol k im 20...
basically masterbation is "deemed" wrong... but I actually havent found anywhere in the bible where it actually states it as being wrong (not saying that I dont think it is tho...)
But... God designed us to have these thoughts, but only in the context of a committed marriage etc... so yeah...
I think why guys get so hooked on porn is the exact same reason as girls get hooked on romance novels and chickflicks...
It's like they have an unfulfulled want/desire (which should, yet again, be only acted on within the context of marriage...) and idk... they give in... I mean, if you're a girl who reads romance novels or watches chick flicks, what draws you to them?? is it cuz it makes you get the feeling that you're not getting from guys in your world?
(not saying that I think porn is o.k.... just trying to help you understand where your friend is coming from...)
but I also think that people have self control, and therefore can't use it as an excuse... you can MAKE yourself not do these things etc... (tho if it is an addiction, it might take some time to get out of it's hold...)
and basically, both (porn and romance stories) are kinda both like committing adultery in your mind. cuz you're thinking and dwelling on it, and that's not really fair on your future spouse... (hence why i don't read romance novels or watch many chickflicks...)
if you have more questions  feel free to ask  |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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tosin
Posts:30
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| 05/26/2009 10:45 PM |
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@ Jojo, merci beaucoup....its soooooo clear now
btw, David im still waitin 4 ur answer seens ur a guy..u'ld definitely av other reasons |
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David
Posts:499
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| 05/26/2009 11:55 PM |
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Jojo, you continue to impress me.
Tosin, Jojo sort of summed it up well. Guys looking at porn is a means with which to deal with our God-designed, God-given desire for sex. The desire itself is actually a wonderful, pure, holy and necessary thing that girls should rejoice in. However, given that the "sex drive" begins when we are very young, that means there are many years to wait before we have a moral outlet. Imagine being told that no matter how hungry you got, you couldn't have food for fifteen years (even though you'll constantly be around food). That's not a perfect metaphor, but it illustrates some of the feelings. Is it right to look at porn? No. However, the reasons why looking at porn are wrong are the same reasons why a girl reading a romance novel or watching most chick flicks is similarly wrong, as Jojo said. This is definitely a two-way street. If you enjoy chick flicks and the like, then really you shouldn't be getting onto any guys for looking at porn. They both affect us the same ways.
That's the short and dirty version. There was another thread on here where I wrote a much, much longer response on this topic. If you'd like to read through it, here's the link: http://www.foryoungmenonly.com/BooksStudies/ForYoungMenOnly/Forums/tabid/197/forumid/4/postid/3193/view/topic/tpage/1/Default.aspx |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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tosin
Posts:30
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| 05/27/2009 12:12 PM |
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| ok David, thx 4 ur xplanation but i need to read ur former post(at least) to totally accept that watching porn is as innocent(if i can use that word) as reading romance novels(tho i dont read them)... |
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David
Posts:499
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| 05/27/2009 12:42 PM |
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I'll try and give you a brief explanation of why.
Firstly, when talking about the morality of porn, you must separate it from the morality of masturbation. Though the two often go together, they are two very separate moral issues.
Having said that, the reasons why looking at porn is wrong must be considered. The fact that porn is sexually arousing is not actually immoral, as that would be like saying it is immoral for a guy to be aroused by a girl. God designed us to function as such. Why, then, is porn wrong? I can come up with two general reasons.
1.) It reinforces in men false expectations.
- These expectations may not be what you think. I don't think porn reinforces a negative visual image of what a woman should look like. Men are already attracted to visually attractive women. This is normal and there is nothing wrong with it. Also, with the exception more "extreme" porn (which most men don't enjoy), it doesn't reinforce an idea of a sex life with a wife that is unrealistic. It simply means men desire a varied and interesting sex life with their wives.
- The expectations more likely have to do with how often he will desire sex and how easy it will be to please his wife. Porn is always ready to go, no foreplay required, and is always satisfied with you. This is not indicative of a real woman, and is therefore a false expectation.
2.) The act is, by nature, unfaithful.
-You see, there are many "departments" in all of us that comprise our complete self. There is the physical (meaning muscles, skin, bones, etc) part of you, the mental part of you (your ability to think and reason), the emotional part of you, and the romantic part of you (anything sexual or sensual that has its purpose in bringing you closer to your spouse). This last part of you God created specifically for your spouse, and, therefore, to indulge many of those elements outside of your spouse is infidelity. As such, to let oneself become aroused by porn, which is not your wife, would be unfaithful, and therefore wrong. This second reason is, of course, more applicable to the married or dating man than the single man. But the first reason is applicable to both.
To recap, there are two reasons why porn is wrong. First, it teaches false expectations. Second, it is, by nature, unfaithful.
Thing is, those two reasons are also applicable to a form of media women enjoy - chick flicks, romance novels, etc. To begin, these stories teach some very false expectations to women of all ages. I could go on for pages about the types of harmful themes these movies and books contain, but that would take way too much time. To understand this point, you must first understand something about the nature of romantic relationships. We all naturally desire to have one, yet we do not naturally know how to conduct one. However, because we have the natural desire, most people think they naturally have the knowledge. Fact is, successfully conducting a romantic relationship is as much a skill as anything else, and takes foreknowledge and practice. Because it's a skill, it requires instruction. There is little to no proper instruction in the church or our culture. The main place from which romantic messages come are romantic stories, such as chick flicks. As such, chick flicks are tools of instruction, whether you realize it or not. So that satisfies the first reason why porn is bad - chick flicks, etc., reinforce some very untrue, very harmful expectations.
Remember my description of the romantic self? In addition to the capacity for visual and sexual stimulation there is also the capacity for romantic stimulation. To be romantically stimulated outside of your relationship would be unfaithful to that relationship (to flirt with other guys while dating another is an example). Have you ever wondered why chick flicks are in fact chick flicks? Have you ever wondered why they appeal so much more to women than men? Well, men and women are different, so there must be something natural to being female that these movies are appealing to. Since these movies are fundamentally romantic, it is logical to assume that the part of a woman that these movies appeal to is her capacity for romantic stimulation. This means that, in some way, these movies are romantically stimulating the woman. But wait a second, we just said that to be romantically stimulated outside of your relationship is by nature unfaithful to that relationship. As such, chick flicks, etc., satisfy the second reason why porn is wrong - infidelity. Of course, this second reason applies more to the dating/married woman than the single.
So, to recap, chick flicks, etc., both reinforce in women harmful expectations, and are an act of infidelity in that they require the woman to be romantically stimulated outside of her relationship.
Does that help?
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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tosin
Posts:30
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| 05/29/2009 2:38 AM |
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WOW!!! that really helps....but at least it still boils down to the fact that porn is wrong. At least with moral judgement,it is and i agree with what uve said bout chick flick novels... Good thing is this friend of mine said he's not addicted to porn(thank goodness!!)...he says he doent live on such things..However,i'll still make him understand why it's morally wrong.
Thanks ppl |
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David
Posts:499
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| 05/29/2009 11:29 AM |
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| If you are going to "make him understand why it's morally wrong," make sure you do it in a kind, loving manner. Thing is, being a guy who wants to be sexually pure is incredibly difficult. For some reason, our sex drives kick in pretty young, and we're looking at about 12-15 years before we can morally do anything about it. Not having a release is akin to going insane, or so it feels. So try and understand the immense struggle for us. And don't forget that girls also have an immense struggle. This is, in no way, a one way street. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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tosin
Posts:30
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| 05/29/2009 10:33 PM |
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| True...i'll make sure i say it nicely |
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maddiegirl
Posts:210
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| 05/30/2009 1:26 PM |
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well in my case, my brother is into porn, and my parents r trying to break off the fascination, but in his case it seems like hes attracted to porn because
1. other girls haven't been interested in him that he was interested in
2. someone told him about porn
3. he saw an ad & was curious (THE MAIN REASON)
thats just in his case tho |
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Nicole
Posts:552
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| 05/31/2009 1:14 AM |
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With everything that has been said, I do understand that males have sex drives that pretty much go beyond my comprehension; but it's the way God created man just as God created woman with a romantic drive in which we girls usually dream about a prince coming on his white horse to come and take us away to his castle... romance is not a bad thing, sex is not a bad thing, they are both God given but to be used in the right way. I've found that temptation is not a sin, but rather it's what you do with the temptation that (can) be a sin. With pornography, i believe it is wrong because it causes the mind to fantasize over the boundaries of temptation. If that makes any sense. The same is with girls and romance novels or chick flicks. Even if i pick up a Christian romance book in which the relationships are God-centered and 'clean' I have to be careful not to step over the boundaries of the initial temptation of fantasizing.
I don't know if i actually said anything to help, but just my two cents... |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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David
Posts:499
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| 05/31/2009 9:07 AM |
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Nicole makes some very good points.
I will point out, as I'm sure you would all agree, that the male visual/sexual drive and the female romantic/sexual drive are not mutually exclusive. Women can and do derive visual stimulation from men, and they also can and do often desire sex for purely physical reasons. Men can and do respond to romantic gestures from their partner and can and do develop sexual desire out of emotional closeness to a spouse. When we talk of the "male sex drive" and the "female sex drive," we aren't talking about exclusives, but about predominance. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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Nicole
Posts:552
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| 05/31/2009 7:05 PM |
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| Hmm you do make good points David. I think it is these things that husband and wife respond to (i.e romantic gestures, sexual desire (out of) emotional closeness to a spouse) that can make the relationship something beautiful. |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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David
Posts:499
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| 06/01/2009 12:08 AM |
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| If I read that right, I agree. A marriage relationship with a strong romantic/sexual element if a relationship that will happily last for years. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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