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Sandy
Posts:48
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| 07/31/2009 5:24 PM |
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| well in that case if the only difference is the way they look then i will pick the one that looks better. you're right david looks are influential and don't play a big role with girls as with guys. the thing is that every girl has a different opinion of what is attractive or good looking. and if a girl chooses you then you just have to trust that she won't pick the other guy over you. she's with you because she chooses to be. girls many time have the same problem too. i like that koudee, it's true, take care of yourself... |
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Nicole
Posts:547
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| 07/31/2009 5:48 PM |
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To answer David's Q, and considering these guys have the exact same characteristics and morals, then yes, I would have to choose the guy who looks more attractive to me. But it is true that, for us girls, physical appearances in guys do play a role in attraction, just not a huge role either.
Koudee hits it in the head when he says that when you take care of yourself, you feel better about yourself. When a guy (or girl for that matter) takes the time to take care of himself and it shows, that's attractive. |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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JoJo
Posts:1657
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| 07/31/2009 7:10 PM |
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I think alot, actually, about how a guy looks is also about confidence, which comes from feeling good (but not in a cocky arrogant way) about yourself. I guess if they are EXACTLY the same, it would honestly break my heart to choose cuz I can't stand hurting people, even slightly, but I guess i'd choose the "better" looking guy. but once again if i'm actually IN the situation i donno what i'd do.
but that doesn't mean the other guy should go away feeling rejected, cuz he might not have been the better chice to me, but he might be someone else's better choice.  |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Nicole
Posts:547
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| 07/31/2009 7:15 PM |
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Very true Jojo. Ditto what you said on not being able to stand hurting someone.  I'd rather not.
Attractiveness is a pretty broad term... what i find attractive in one guy, may be another girl's turn off. Of course, i don't have a lot of expertise in this area either.  |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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JoJo
Posts:1657
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| 07/31/2009 7:18 PM |
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| It's just like how guys all don't like the same type of girl, girls don't all like the same type of guy... |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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clare
Posts:932
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| 07/31/2009 7:23 PM |
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Is that a question that really needs an answer? I mean how many times do two perfect guys come in your life at the same time!! It does happen I guess. In choosing between the two guys David created, I'd have to ask what the families are like they're from. If one was from an unstable home or had parents I knew would never accept me, well that would really mean something to me.
I know what you meant Jojo about men in speedos. My friends and I always call out "spandex" and quickly get out of there! And as far as well...what was being talked about earlier...I can't help but think oh yuk when I think about sex and stuff...ok this is awkward!! |
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JoJo
Posts:1657
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| 07/31/2009 7:45 PM |
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exactly, it's an akward as topic
and actually you bring up a good point. what are their families like? what about their backgrounds, if they are practically like twins and have everything exactly the same except one is better looking it's kinda like forcing us to choose the better looking guy, which is kinda unfair, cuz it would never be like that in normal life, not even twins are like that, and I should know, I know TONNES of twins |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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David
Posts:499
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| 07/31/2009 7:48 PM |
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The reason I asked the question was because it sometimes seems as if girls think looks are a non-issue when they actually are a factor. Also, I don't think that looks are an indirect attractive quality - meaning that looks = confidence = attractiveness - but that looks themselves equal attractiveness (sure, not all of attractiveness, but a part).
I agree with what Jojo said at one point, not all guys are attracted to the same type of girl.
Clare, in my situation the families are also equal. Everything is equal except their looks. Also, sex (and subsequently men and their maleness) should be viewed as a wonderful, exciting, enjoyable thing to be looked forward to for when marriage arrives - not as something gross and awkward. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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JoJo
Posts:1657
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| 07/31/2009 7:59 PM |
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haha yeah but I think in an attempt to not think about such stuff and to save it for marriage has made it akward cuz we don't wanna think about anyone but our husbands, idk how to explain it...
For us good christian girls, it's just been kinda like a sacred issue. not to say i don't think we shouldn't talk about it in a christain perspective, that's where the church is wrong, cuz if you don't address it, how are people our age, younger, older, whatever supposed to know things.
We, then, in turn have to find out in the secular environment, and that makes it REALLY akward for us girls who are trying to be pure etc.
IDK does another girl wanna have a go at trying to explain it, cuz this is probably the best I can do...
oh and I wasn't trying to sound mean b4, lol I hope my use of emoticons shows that |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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clare
Posts:932
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| 07/31/2009 8:42 PM |
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Yes of course looks matter that's why when we were little girls we always had our "prince charming" imagined out! But you know what? there is no real prince charming in looks. That's when we say looks don't matter to us because I dreamed of a brown haired brown eyed man, and I'm dating a red blond with blue eyes!! And it doesn't matter even if he isn't stunning he is to me.
I know sex shouldn't be awkward but in my family my parents wouldn't talk about it because it was awkward and we sort of found out abut it here and there and because they handled it like that it makes us kids sort of think oh yuk! I don't like it that I think like that. My bf once asked if I ever felt like I wanted to have sex and I said no way that to me it's...gross. God created it to be beautiful and good (inside a marriage relationship). I'm not really concerned with it though because I think women are made to think of it less not desire it as much as men if they didn't it would be a hard battle to keep a pure courtship. I guess it is anyway though...I think I'm sort of spacing out. I'm going to have a talk with my parents on sunday and I'm nervous already. I know what they want to talk about...my bf... |
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David
Posts:499
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| 07/31/2009 8:55 PM |
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What sorts of things about your boyfriend do your parents want to discuss?
I think that a compromise must be met when it comes to the frequency with which each gender desires sex. Simply, in marriage, men shouldn't get it whenever, however, wherever, but women should work on increasing their desire (if they are someone who struggles with that). I think women were created to desire a sex just as much as men (within the confines of marriage, etc.), but that as a part of the female dark side that has been suppressed. Perhaps as a part of the male dark side it has been increased... though I don't necessarily agree. Again, within marriage, if the relationship (and subsequently the sexual relationship) is strong, I don't think you can actually have "too much." Sure, maybe if it is interfering with other activities like work or eating, but I don't think there is some sort of limit to how often or how much two married people should make love. Because of that, I don't think the frequency of sexual desire is the equivalent of the lack of frequency of sexual desire in a women. Maybe the equivalent is that the dark side of men causes us to not value the sacredness of it as much as a woman naturally would? I don't want to say that men are selfish lovers and women aren't because that is blatantly false... I don't know, maybe it's the sacredness thing.
I think that discussing sexuality amongst other Christians in a safe environment is a great thing to do. We are all sexual being right here, right now. Your sexuality doesn't just automatically awaken when you get married. Sex shouldn't be as taboo as it is (however, it also shouldn't be made tawdry... it is sacred). So I don't know, I think we should talk about things like this. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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clare
Posts:932
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| 07/31/2009 9:06 PM |
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I don't mind talking about it on here, it's good and has opened my eyes to a lot of things, esp. what you say.
You just opened a can of worms. My parents don't know I'm dating. They know this young man is interested in me and I like him, but they don't know much more. I am not going to wait a year just to be allowed to be friends with him. My parents made one man wait 3 years to date my sister. When he was finally allowed to ask her they dated a few months and my sis said no way and broke up. My parents let him hope and dream 3 years just to get his heart broken. I'm not going to do that to a man. We need to be allowed to see if we are interested in eachother now, not when one or the other of us has build a castle in the air.
You probably didn't want to hear all that I'm just a little fired up right now. I have no idea how it will go when they find out that robert is more that just a church friend to me.
Advice anyone?? please??? |
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Koudee
Posts:91
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| 07/31/2009 9:41 PM |
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David, I think it is more of a cultural thing than anything. There is a documentry called "Girls, removeing the myth" or something like that, I would watch it, its great for understanding how these things are treated inside the privite female circles.
But what I have noticed is that these topics are treated entireley different depending on the culture.
From what I understand =cody takes out the measureing tape and see how much space is inbetween him and the line=
The "eww gross sex" thing, isn't all its made out to be. Because its not socially acceptable for a girl in the US to say that she wants "it". A girl is more likeley to be called a "****" when she says that, then a girl who just gives into it because he wants it. There are a lot of doubble standards.
So, culture mean good girl = girl who doesn't think about sex, confirming culture values = "eww sex is gross"
Its just like when you talk about being mad at victorias secret models, I like the opertunity to tastefully rant about how I don't like the posters in the mall around girls because I'm sending them the message that I'm not interested in that. But look how closeley that sounds like I don't like the female figure.
I used to "freak out" when I went into hot topic to buy clothes and I had to go near the girls underwear to get a mesanger bag or something. Because I was a "good guy", but it was all a show.
It may sound to us like they are compleateley aginst sex, or that they don't like it or want it, but they are really just holding all of it in reserve for "the one" for them.
girls am I right? |
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JoJo
Posts:1657
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| 07/31/2009 10:19 PM |
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well sorta, but generally most girls do not think about/ want sex as much as guys...
We've had this topic come up @ youth countless times and all the married people who are involved with youth group have said that sex is not even 15% of a marriage... it's more like a 10% maybe less...
and this was from Males...
i dont really know how to explain it, but girls just don't desire it as much as guys... and that's being honest...
dont get me wrong, it's not like we never want it.... (not that I've actually done it... cuz I'm not married) but it's really not a big deal to us... and this was also said by alot of girls @ youth |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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JoJo
Posts:1657
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| 07/31/2009 10:20 PM |
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| Of course, I'm not saying virginity isn't a big deal, cuz that is!!!! lol i was more meaning that having sex isn't a big desire in us... o.k. i'm gonna stop here cuz im going in circles haha |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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David
Posts:499
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| 07/31/2009 11:26 PM |
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You just opened a can of worms. My parents don't know I'm dating. They know this young man is interested in me and I like him, but they don't know much more. I am not going to wait a year just to be allowed to be friends with him. My parents made one man wait 3 years to date my sister. When he was finally allowed to ask her they dated a few months and my sis said no way and broke up. My parents let him hope and dream 3 years just to get his heart broken. I'm not going to do that to a man. We need to be allowed to see if we are interested in eachother now, not when one or the other of us has build a castle in the air.
Seriously? Your sister did that? Wow.
Wow.
Ouch.
That causes me pain.
Locke, you make a good point. I very much hope you're right.
Jojo, as I said above, just because women don't seem to desire sex as much as men doesn't mean that the frequency with which they desire sex is the appropriate amount. Have you ever wondered if maybe girls should desire sex more? That not desiring sex is a part of your feminine sin nature? As I said, I don't see how you can "make too much love" to your spouse, given that both are interested (and it is the frequency of interest that we are talking about). As a guy I have received the message my entire life that guys want sex too much and that, by inference, girls want sex the right amount. Maybe that's backwards. Maybe women should desire it more. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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JoJo
Posts:1657
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| 07/31/2009 11:36 PM |
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IDK we just don't think of it...
idk maybe were all made the way we are on purpose. well of course we are, I don't think God would have designed us the way he did without a reason... so i think both sides are how they're supposed to be... if that makes sense |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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JoJo
Posts:1657
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| 07/31/2009 11:37 PM |
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idk i dont think girls actually can desire it more...
we're just not made that way... |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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clare
Posts:932
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| 08/01/2009 12:37 AM |
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| It's true guys you just need to believe it. We don't think about or want sex like a guy does! My bf was shocked. I really liked what cody said. It's ok to not want sex or think its -yuk- because we are decent. Don't get me wrong because when I'm married things will be different for sure!! |
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David
Posts:499
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| 08/01/2009 1:24 AM |
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I don't think his point was that it was ok for girls to not want sex or that it was ok for them to be grossed out by it. I think he was saying that girls appear to not want it or think it's gross as a part of their adhering to cultural expectations, not as an actual reflection of how they feel, way deep down (perhaps deeper than they are conscious of).
Of course, since none of us are married we can't really talk about this with any authority. I just don't think that girls should use this idea that "girls just don't want sex as much" to justify a lower sex drive. Just because women seem to not want it as much doesn't mean they shouldn't want it more. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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