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JoJo
Posts:1657
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| 08/01/2009 1:39 AM |
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Correct me if I'm wrong... but it kinda seems like you're saying girls SHOULD want it more...
None of us girls have said "Guys should want it less..." and I don't think we're expecting you to change... We just don't want to be pressured into it more than we want to... when we're married... just like I'm not expecting my future husband to always be romantic everyday etc... |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
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God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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David
Posts:499
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| 08/01/2009 1:47 AM |
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| I apologize. My comments are not in reaction to what girls here have said but to the impression I have received from many other girls and married women. For instance, I have known of many married women who think both that their husbands should want sex less and that their husbands should be romantic more. Truth be told, in a marriage there are so many other factors that come into play with the sex life than just the decision to do it or not. I guess all I'm trying to do is caution you girls against giving yourselves the preset notion that you won't want to have sex as frequently. Who knows, maybe when you get married you'll find out you really like it and will want to have it all the time. The fact that you have read FYWO means that you care about having a good relationship which will be a huge contributing factor in having a good sexual relationship with your future husband. I'm just saying try not to start by assuming you won't want it very often. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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JoJo
Posts:1657
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| 08/01/2009 2:02 AM |
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LOL I wasn't being angry... just asking 
but yes, I agree with what you've just said.
I think it's wrong for women to expect their husband to want it less and be more romantic, it goes both ways, if you want him to be more romantic you have to be willing to do your part too. |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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David
Posts:499
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| 08/01/2009 2:15 AM |
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| Haha, the "doing your part" should be enjoyable for both genders. I know I will sure enjoy being romantic for and to my wife after we're married just as I hope she'll enjoy making love to me. I think the goal is that those two things aren't looked at as a duty that must be performed but as a joy that gets to be undertaken. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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Koudee
Posts:91
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| 08/01/2009 12:18 PM |
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I agree, guys should want sex, and be romantic more often. Because what most guys don't realize is that being romantic leads to what....? Exactley. The circle keeps going, and it feeds itself, but there is no such thing as perpetual motion right? So its always going to require effort, on both parts.
Sex for the sake of Sex, just to have it to satisfy a "need", destroyes relationships. I like the fact that there is a hurtle there, it keeps me from comeing to my wife just to satisfy myself at a whim. It means I have to BE something for her,
And about my last post, its not about what is surfaceing, its about were girls are comeing from, and thanks Jojo for letting me know I'm not spot on haha.
I believe that God designed how we interact, so I simply have faith that he made girls the way they are for a reason.
As guys, I think we confuse sex for "attraction". They are compleatley two different things, but for a long time I realized I was mixing the two.
Girls have a very healthy sex drive, just like us, even if it operates differently.
I know that it might sound to you (david) like I am setting myself up to do all the work, but at some point I have to trust that my wife knows what it means to be a woman (that means more than the bedroom), and that God knew what he was doing when he made them. Otherwise I will never excape my own insecrities.
Besides, a relationship isn't about sex, that isn't its core. Everything in society is saying that men needs lots of sex, lots of good sex. But what that is is men who don't feel like men unless they are in bed with a girl. Are we really going to ask how to be men from a world of posers?
I say we should be strong, live from our heart and realize that maybe sex isn't as inportent as we think, that maybe there are deeper things than that to hold two people togeather, and when you realize that, then you have a reason to have sex.
In other words, its not about haveing sex, but a reason worthy of our heart to have sex. "Put aside all selfish ambition", I think that is somewere in Romans or Peter.
I think when we find a good reason it becomes more than just sleeping with someone.
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David
Posts:499
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| 08/01/2009 12:35 PM |
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Well... yeah. If I gave the impression that sex while married is just "sleeping with someone" that wasn't my intention.
My only points are this:
Just because a gender is a certain way doesn't mean that they should be that way (regardless of what that way is). Just because a gender is a certain way is not a guarantee that God designed us that way. We live in a fallen reality and there will undoubtedly be many things seemingly inherent to either gender that were not an original part of God's design. Given that the difference in frequency with which men and women desire sex causes much friction among married couples, can it not be assumed that in a perfect world (the original world, the world that actually reflects God's plan and design) they would want sex at about the same level of frequency?
That we shouldn't necessarily go into marriage with preset notions of how this part of our relationship should go. Why should girls be taught and believe that they definitely will have a lower sex drive than men? Why shouldn't they be taught the value of a good, loving sex life with their husband, and be encouraged to develop a healthy appetite for it once they are married? Conversely, why should guys be taught that their sex drives will always be a burden on their wives? We're done an equal injustice in that no one ever really teaches us how to go about loving a woman (here I do not mean the physical process but the vast majority of other things that go into it). Here we can see that once again the culture and the church put both genders at a huge disadvantage.
Again, none of us can really speak with any authority here unless one of us is secretly married. Having said that, as far as I can tell (based on couples I've talked to and the various relationship books I've read), sex is a pretty big deal in marriage. It's definitely worth talking about.
I will say, in direct response to something Koudee said, that if you let things progress "normally" you will end up doing all the work. That is a major complaint a lot of married men have once in marital therapy.
Again, before a married person stumbles upon this and decides to set us kids straight, none of us has any real authority here as we are not married, and we all realize that. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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clare
Posts:932
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| 08/01/2009 3:12 PM |
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| I don't feel like I have anything to say here. Ok this will sound stupid but I never heard the word sex until I was about 16 or 17 and until I got on this website I never heard it talked about. I didn't even know what it was until a a year ago maybe less. Of course in the vague back of my mind was the instinct we are all born with, but I found out this week in a really awkward conversation with my bf that I still am way to ignorant about it. If it were'nt for what is said on here I'd still be in the dark. My parents won't talk about it. So sometimes after reading posts on here I go away thinking where on earth have I been? It's really hard not to feel resentful to my parents because my sisters and I are the way we are we become prime targets for evil men. I never go into parts of town without myk brothers or bf. |
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David
Posts:499
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| 08/01/2009 4:52 PM |
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| I'm sorry to hear that Clare. This forum is definitely a safe place for you to find the information that you need. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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Koudee
Posts:91
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| 08/01/2009 8:58 PM |
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Yea david, I agree man,
And I didn't mean to point out that you made sex sound cardnal or something, my point was something along the lines of quality over quanity.
Its just were I have faith, faith in picking the right woman who is trying to live out gods design. A woman will understand sex, and its role for the male, just as a Man takes into consideration for the female needs.
Its interesting, because take japan for example, parents talk about sex openley in front of thier kids. Its a very normal thing here. |
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JoJo
Posts:1657
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| 08/01/2009 9:09 PM |
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for one, sorry cody, I wasn't trying to be mean or anything, i didn't even realize I had changed your perspective or whatever...
and I agree with what you've just said cody!
as for what youve just said david...
I haven't been taught that girls have a lower sex drive, I've just always known, for myself, that I dont... and talking with other girls, they were the same... and we didnt get how guys were so different...
Mostly i just think it's something the husband and wife will have to come to a compromise on once they're married...
of course it's a big deal, well kinda... idk... maybe? but it's not the majority of marriage, or even a quater of it... |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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David
Posts:499
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| 08/01/2009 10:00 PM |
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I don't know if we can really subcategorize the different parts of marriage. This is particularly true of women as everything is so connected with a woman. What I mean by this is that there is a very big difference in the way men and women think, and I'm sure some of you are familiar with this.
The best way I've heard of explaining it is in terms of Christmas lights. There are two types: on one strand, if a bulb goes out the entire thing goes out, and on the other if a bulb goes out the rest stay on. This is reflective of women and men.
Men compartmentalize; we have the ability to keep the different areas of our lives separate. If one area of our life is bad it doesn't automatically make the rest bad. Truth be told, this propensity towards compartmentalization, like many male things, has been degraded. Most of the girls I've talked to about it think it's a bad thing, when it's actually very good. We compartmentalize our fear of rejection to pursue and our fear of pain and death to protect you.
Women, on the other hand, are the first string of lights. Everything is inter-connected with a woman, much more so than a man. If one area of her life sucks it will drastically affect the other parts. In this way, her sexuality is tied up in everything else. One thing that men have to learn about their wives is that getting her in the mood is as much about doing the dishes as it is about the physical stuff.
This difference in psychology is not something I came up with or inferred from observation; it's a well-known, documented difference.
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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Koudee
Posts:91
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| 08/02/2009 7:11 AM |
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Na, I didn't think you were being mean Jojo!  I just wanted to let you know that I like hearing what girls think, even if that means they have to tell me I'm wrong (thats when things get interesting anyway!)
@ david.
You have the capicity to understand, its up to you to see. Dismiss your fears. |
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David
Posts:499
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| 08/02/2009 9:33 AM |
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You have the capicity to understand, its up to you to see. Dismiss your fears.
Huh? |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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James
Posts:35
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| 08/08/2009 7:08 AM |
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How did I guess that with a title like this it would end up in a discussion about sex?
My family has never talked to me about sex before either but in grade six (when I was 12) we had some sex ed and once I got to high school I got plenty of information passively by what people talk about.
I don't think it's right for parents to restrict their children in what they know and who their friends are, if they have brought up their kids right they will be respected along with their advice. If teenagers can't try things for themselves (things that won't permanently damage them, physically and mentally) then they will take a long time to mature and probably won't fit in as much as they would like.
Protecting your kids is really important but sheltering them from the whole world ain't so good.
This isn't aimed directly at anything said here, just my 2c |
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David
Posts:499
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| 08/08/2009 11:13 AM |
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You make an excellent point, James. Unfortunately, especially (and sadly) within Christian families, you often find parents that overly shelter their kids in the name of protecting them. In fact, what they end up doing is, as you say, cause them near irreparable harm. I've seen it happen my times, in my own family, in fact. The results can be disastrous.
We are to be innocent, yes; but we are also to be shrewd. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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clare
Posts:932
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| 08/08/2009 7:22 PM |
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| Speak it James! I'm from one of those families. I had to have my boyfriend enlighten me because things were getting awkward when he realzed I was too innocent. On sux, innocence isn't ignorance! |
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clare
Posts:932
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| 08/08/2009 7:22 PM |
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| I hate spelling a word wrong and you can't go back and change it!! |
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Bethany
Posts:8
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| 08/28/2009 12:39 PM |
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Hey, remember that whole, "guys love to be heroes" thing? From the original question, guys are attractive when they can make you feel protected. If I feel attractive around a guy and he acts like he wants to 'protect' me (ie picking up a pencil when I drop it, talking about God with me, telling me I look nice when I'm wearing modest clothes, or even cracking a joke when I look upset) then I find him attractive. Of course guys' bodies are attractive when they are toned and you can see that they care about how they look, just the same as when girls care about themselves and you find them attractive.
Also, those were really just a few examples, pretty much anytime you do ANYTHING without being asked to around a girl, she will notice. She might not say anything, but she will definitely notice. And for me, personally, I feel like if I compliment a guy and he's with his friends, it embarrasses him. Why does that happen? You shouldn't feel 'whipped' when a girl compliments you or thanks you for doing something nice, we just want to make you feel appreciated and respected.
Oh, and for the whole, does a guy have to be funny question, yes. But it's not like you have to be the class clown all the time. If you're funny to yourself, there's going to be a girl out there who will also find you funny. Plus, you can't be so serious ALL the time, can you? To me, that's like saying you can't make mistakes. I don't really know how someone could not find certain things funny...do you laugh at yourself? If you can laugh at yourself and the things that you do sometimes, that's VERY attractive. Even if you're super smart and like to be serious all the time, if you make a mistake, laugh at it.
I also have a quick question to add to the mix. Maybe it's just me, but I hate it when guys dress all sloppy and what some would call 'gangster'. Are there any other girls who hate that? Maybe it's because guys dress this way that girls aren't so obvious about loving guys bodies. If we can't see ANYTHING underneath layers and layers of baggy clothes except for your boxers, why would we want to look? And I didn't mean to make that question sound so superficial, but there wasn't really a very easy way to explain what I meant. |
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David
Posts:499
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| 08/28/2009 4:48 PM |
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Oh, and for the whole, does a guy have to be funny question, yes. But it's not like you have to be the class clown all the time. If you're funny to yourself, there's going to be a girl out there who will also find you funny. Plus, you can't be so serious ALL the time, can you? To me, that's like saying you can't make mistakes. I don't really know how someone could not find certain things funny...do you laugh at yourself? If you can laugh at yourself and the things that you do sometimes, that's VERY attractive. Even if you're super smart and like to be serious all the time, if you make a mistake, laugh at it.
Do you differentiate between having a sense of humor (meaning, you can appreciate humor, you find things funny, you enjoy humorous things) and being funny (meaning, you actively make people laugh)? The former is a fairly easy thing to be and is essentially being a real person. The latter is much more difficult as some of us just aren't gifted with the ability to easily make others laugh, but it seems this is what girls want. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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Nicole
Posts:547
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| 08/29/2009 2:25 AM |
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@ David
I personally appreciate both the former and the latter. But personally i differentiate it in terms that the guy having a sense of humor is more important than a guy with a sense of humor. On the more appreciative side is, in my own opinion, the thing that a guy with a sense of humor can give a good dose of laughter medicine, which is equally important. |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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