| Author |
Messages |
|
Rachel
Posts:1
 |
| 09/27/2009 6:01 PM |
|
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months now. We've done things that I'm not necessarily proud of, but they feltttt good! I want to know how far is too far.. i want to keep my relationship with him innocent, and i could see marrying him, but i dont want to screw it up!  Where should i draw the line?
|
|
|
|
|
Adelynn
Posts:516
|
| 09/27/2009 7:59 PM |
|
It sounds like you're asking how close to the edge of the cliff can you possibly get without falling off. I used to think that way, but I don't believe it's really the right way to approach it- a better way might be to ask, "What is something that I only want to do with my future husband" and stop way before that.
Easier said than done... get an accountability partner (NOT your boyfriend or one of your friends; make sure it's a woman who is truly going to keep you accountable, and not just say what you want to hear.)
But, trust me, when it gets physical before marriage... we all think it's what we want, but once it's all said and done (sometimes this is before sex, even), something major is missing, and the relationship usually ends, badly. If you can't commit to forever first, there is usually a real reason that you can't commit to forever, so don't try to jump ahead. |
|
"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
|
|
Locke
Posts:223
|
| 09/28/2009 1:02 AM |
|
I heard a good analogy for this once upon a time. To wit:
A king was looking for a man to drive his royal carriage. His old driver had died, and so he sent his servants out among the kingdom to find someone suitable.
They brought him three men. All excellent with the reins, all dependable, all eager to serve. He decided to meet with the men personally to ask them a few questions.
The men all came in and sat down. The first man, a tall, fair man with strong shoulders stood, and the king asked the man if he was a skilled, safe driver. He nodded, saying, "I can drive twelve inches from the edge of a cliff and not go over!"
The king thought about this. Then the next man stood up. The king asked the man if he was a skilled, safe driver. The man nodded, saying, "I can drive six inches from the edge of a cliff and not go over!"
The king again thought. He asked the last man the same questions, and the man nodded. He said, "O King, I would stay away as far from the edge as possible, because I value your safety."
The other two men were sent out, and the third man got the job.
It's somewhat old-fashioned, but it gets the point across. The point isn't to approach the edge of purity, but instead to save ourselves for our future mate. I definitely back up Adeylnn's suggestion of an accountability partner. As far as engaging in anything physical outside of marriage… it can make you feel like you have more of a bond than you really do. |
|
It is trifles that make the sum of life. |
|
|
JoJo
Posts:1670
|
| 09/28/2009 3:57 AM |
|
I heard a saying once... If you can't do something without your dad, mum, God being in the room with you, you probably shouldn't be doing it outside of marriage...
also a good thing to remember isIf you're not gonna marry this guy in the future (weither you know it or not for certian...) whatever you do with him is playing with someone elses future husband... You wouldn't want some girl doing stuff with your future husband now would you? and whatever you do do with this guy, you're gonna have to explain to your own future husband one day. Even if it is just kissing him...
(not saying kissing is a bad thing, but just watch who you kiss...)
I agree with both adellyn and Locke and I actually love that illustration.
I personally don't want to have the purity (which includes thoughts about stuff and anything physical really) of a guy's life on my head... like if I used him and then moved on (not saying you are using him... I just dont know how else to word it...)
idk what else to say... I have mascara running in my eye and it's watering lol 
if I think of anything more I'll post |
|
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
|
|
emilyjanelle
Posts:510
|
| 09/28/2009 12:16 PM |
|
wow, everybody basically took the words right outta my mouth! haha. very well said.
with my boyfriend, I have the exact same mindset as the 3 other posters have. it's not "how far is too far?" but "how far can I run away from temptation and sin?" for me, personally (this is just my opinion), I'm not going to kiss him (even on the cheek), until we're married. is it because I don't trust myself or him to not go any further? YES! I'll freely admit that! we're fallen creatures and have sinful natures that WANT to give into that kind of stuff. I'm not going to naively assume that he and I are somehow "stronger" than that. we're just NOT. and never will be! do I want to kiss him? duh! but do I want to save myself and him from a world of hurt even more? yup.
again, that was just my personal opinion, but I just wanted to let you know, we ALL go through this. |
|
You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
|
|
MyLifeHisWill
Posts:184
|
| 09/28/2009 3:12 PM |
|
| OH my goodness. Well, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. My ex and i dated for ALMOST a whole year..but you know what made me end things (currently they are acutally just VERY complicated and I'm waiting for clarity from God)??? Purity. Because we were getting AS CLOSE to the edge as possible (granted I didn't even him) and I felt so so so guilty. Yea, it feels good at the moment - i mean thats why we as "fallen creatures" enjoy it so much (not to say within marriage its a bad thing - only outside). Yet, that feeling was quikly replaced with remorse. If I don't end up marrying my ex...well, i have some stuff i gotta tell my future husband, and honestly, it is a bit shameful. Don't get to the edge of the cliff. Its a bad idea - and i second everything else already said. |
|
I don't want to just "live" I want to experience life. |
|
|
MyLifeHisWill
Posts:184
|
| 09/28/2009 3:13 PM |
|
| Thats supposed to say "didnt even kiss him" - idk how i left that out lol oopz |
|
I don't want to just "live" I want to experience life. |
|
|
artyprincess
Posts:226
|
| 10/01/2009 5:23 AM |
|
| agree with all the above - and if it's getting too risky for your liking, RUN! FLEE! It may be hard, but it's the best thing to retain what you have left to give to that special someone. |
|
God Can. |
|
|
|