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Ophoe
Posts:25
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| 12/08/2009 8:45 PM |
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Well, I feel kind of sheepish asking this, but I don't quite know what to do and I thought one of you people might have some insight.
I'm a sophomore at a new college, and for a good part of the semester there's been a guy I liked a little. I hadn't allowed myself to develop a major crush on him, because I didn't know him that well, but nevertheless I liked him. My philosophy is to become friends with a guy first, and then move to something else if it still seems appropriate. Anyway, I liked him enough to enjoy talking to him when I could, and to be slightly uncomfortable as to how I should act around him on a day-to-day basis.
Then I was talking to my roommate (who happens to be his sister) and a mutual friend dropped by our dorm. It came out that this girl had been talking to my roommate about how she really liked this same guy--much to my dismay. :-P Well, I didn't say anything, and still neither of them know that I like him too. I'm not quite sure what to do now...it looks as though she may have gotten his attention (although they're nowhere near dating right now), and of course my roommate thinks it's great that her brother has an admirer. Part of me thinks I should drop the matter in my mind and forget I liked him, but part of me thinks that's too wishy-washy. Should I continue to act toward him the way I would have, and leave it up to him to decide, or not? Especially since this friend of mine has let me in on the whole thing, I feel a like it would be going behind her back at this point to pursue it any further..and if she found out, I think that would kind of make things awkward (at best) between us. I don't want to lose a friend...but I'm kind of frustrated at the same time. The generous part of me thinks it would be best to forget the whole thing :-P. I don't want to be a backstabber, and I'm a pretty loyal friend when it comes to things like this...
Maybe I should tell my roomate...? I don't know.
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Jimmy
Posts:54
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| 12/08/2009 8:56 PM |
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| That's a tough situation, but the early bird gets the worm. Would you prefer sloppy seconds? Remember, fresh food always tastes better than leftovers. |
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Ophoe
Posts:25
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| 12/08/2009 9:04 PM |
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Hehe...so you're saying that I should continue as before and see how it turns out? That is what was making me reluctant to drop it...and I don't think my behavior towards him could have even been considered flirtatious at that point anyhow. It's just that now I feel like a traitor pretending to be fine about it when she talks to me, but secretly hoping he likes me instead.
Perhaps if I mentioned it to his sister (my roommate) she's have advice? Or should I not put her in that awkward situation? |
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nateynate
Posts:316
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| 12/08/2009 10:32 PM |
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| ha well it sounds like you got yourselves that cliche situation ha. that sure stinks. id say go for it if you truly like him, try flirting a little bit with him. and yea, i would talk to his sister and explain everything to her. see wat she has to say. cause the longer you hold back, the harder it will be and more awkward it will be if it comes out. so id go for it, take a chance. good luck though |
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" Wake up oh my soul
wake up and praise the Lord
rise up you sleepy soul
rise up and praise the Lord"
Enter Your Gates |
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Ophoe
Posts:25
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| 12/08/2009 11:52 PM |
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| Lol, well, thanks you guys :-). I guess it's just one of those things, no? :-P |
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nateynate
Posts:316
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| 12/09/2009 12:12 AM |
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| Well i wouldnt just say that its one of "those things". Its not serious but it is kinda important for the people involved. Dont take it lightly cause he might be the one for you. But dont get to serious either in case he aint |
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" Wake up oh my soul
wake up and praise the Lord
rise up you sleepy soul
rise up and praise the Lord"
Enter Your Gates |
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Adelynn
Posts:516
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| 12/09/2009 9:02 AM |
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| if he likes you but pretends to like another girl, then he's being immature and probably isn't ready for a commitment. Just something to think about. |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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Ophoe
Posts:25
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| 12/09/2009 2:59 PM |
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| Thanks, Adelynn. I don't think that's the case, though...He's never acted like more than just friends with me, chatting here and there--and to be honest I've been doing the same. We're really no more than good acquaintances, and I'm pretty sure he won't show interest in a girl unless he means it. So with that in mind, I think if he acts like he likes my friend, he probably genuinely does. Frustrating for me, but no more, methinks. Oh well, I'll just commit it to prayer and trust God to bring His will out of it all. Not worth making myself miserable over, whatever the outcome ends up being. |
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Jimmy
Posts:54
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| 12/09/2009 9:22 PM |
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Posted By Adelynn on 12/09/2009 9:02 AM
if he likes you but pretends to like another girl, then he's being immature and probably isn't ready for a commitment. Just something to think about.
Or has no idea she likes him. We don't always get the "hints". If you wanted us to get them don't make them hints, but rather cheat codes. |
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Ophoe
Posts:25
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| 12/10/2009 3:02 AM |
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Haha...priceless, Jimmy, thanks for that. :-)
Out of curiosity, what would a cheat code be versus a hint? (Seriously, I'm so subtle I doubt most guys would ever guess I liked them until we got to know each other better...lol).
Also, I'm kind of a slow, indecisive mover. I want to be really comfortable with the idea of dating someone before I start sending definite signals; otherwise I might just freak out. I'd ideally like to know a guy as a pretty good friend for at east a good eight months-1 year before I'd be ready to move beyond friendship. I've wondered if that will leave me an old maid, but I'm hoping it won't... :-P |
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Adelynn
Posts:516
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| 12/10/2009 8:07 AM |
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haha I'm the same way, Ophoe!!! I'm not into casual relationships but I know that if I get really involved with a guy and then it's falls apart, I'll be a mess (and I hate that) =]
I'm not saying that this guy is immature, I'm saying that if he likes you but he's pretending to like another girl... but in any case I meant that comment for a different post, so I'm sorry for the confusion. |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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Adelynn
Posts:516
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| 12/10/2009 8:16 AM |
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| I also want the guy to make the move. I know that sounds so old-fashioned (which I'm really not), but I've been in a couple relationships where I contacted the guy first (by phone or facebook) and since I'm an oldest, it's really easy for me to just be like Well, this is what I want to do, let's go. And they, both not being an oldest, seemed to think that meant that it was okay to sit back and let me direct the relationship. Which is great, I wouldn't want them to do anything I didn't want them to do (like try to make out with me) but I want the man I marry to take some responsibility. Not that I think contacting them first was wrong... but along with my personality, it made it really easy for them to not do much work. |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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Ophoe
Posts:25
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| 12/10/2009 2:11 PM |
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Haha, yeah Adelynn...well, I'd definitely say I'm old-fashioned when it comes to guys...but I don't mind as long as I don't end up an old maid!
I guess even if I were to take the initiative and let a guy know I was interested, I'd still let him do the rest. But knowing me, I don't think I'd be able to come right out and say it unless we were pretty good friends already. Ideally (though perhaps this is hoping for too much) it would be nice if we both just sensed it...but again, unless you're already pretty close friends I don't see how in the world that would happen, lol.
And yeah, about that whole responsibility thing--if a guy were to leave it all on me, it wouldn't last long :-P. I'm not even sure I would consider that a relationship, since relationships are supposed to be cooperations, not dictations...hehe. Same thing if a guy were controlling the relationship, by that reasoning...
Oh, and no worries about that other post ;-). |
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Adelynn
Posts:516
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| 12/10/2009 5:05 PM |
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I agree, a relationship totally should be mutual!
I've never been close friends before going out with a guy... that probably says a lot =] But I think that I purposely make myself think of my guy friends as "only friends" so that it's not awkward, and so it would be really really strange if one of my guy friends suddenly admitted that he liked me! Though it definitely sounds like a better and stronger relationship when it's built on friendship. I haven't really been ready for a committed relationship yet, though, so maybe who I go out with will be changing. |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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nateynate
Posts:316
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| 12/12/2009 1:25 AM |
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im with you on guys taaking the lead and initiative, it just feels wierd when a girl takes the lead in these situations. as for that cheat code thing, just try and make your hints more obvious i guess. just dont try to subdue them so much. throw in some flirting and you might be alright  |
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" Wake up oh my soul
wake up and praise the Lord
rise up you sleepy soul
rise up and praise the Lord"
Enter Your Gates |
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smileybookworm
Posts:48
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| 12/28/2009 10:34 AM |
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| I'm 15 with absolutely no experience what so ever, but If I were in your situation I wouldn't just let go. It you like him, let him know. Letting his sister know would be a good thing and I'm glad you don't want to hurt anyone. I don't know how guys think about this, but I would tell him yourself. I don't take guy's requests seriously when they come from one of his friends. Good luck. |
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Jesus has a thing for losers.
-Losers by Me in Motion |
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Adelynn
Posts:516
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| 12/28/2009 4:05 PM |
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| hey, Nate (and other guys =), what do you define as "taking the lead"? When is a girl doing so? |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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clare
Posts:932
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| 12/28/2009 9:30 PM |
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The ultimate choice will be his though I don't think there's anything wrong with showing him you like him. Don't just say it! But then..if you're friend sees and things you're trying to steal him from her..ouch you're in a hot spot!! I think if God really wants you together He will do it! I was really good friends with a guy, he really liked me. Then skipping details, he dated another girl and realized no I was the right one and now a year later he's back. So leave it to God He can perform miracles. I hope I'm not assuming too much, I'm guessing you're a christian.........
Yes guys please define what taking the lead is! I have a strong personality and I'd like a few ideas what guys think so I know if Im not crossing the line too much! |
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SarahRG92
Posts:8
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| 12/29/2009 5:23 PM |
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Posted By clare on 12/28/2009 9:30 PM The ultimate choice will be his though " border=0> Yes guys please define what taking the lead is! I have a strong personality and I'd like a few ideas what guys think so I know if Im not crossing the line too much!
Yes, please! Great question, Clare! I've been wondering the same thing |
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nateynate
Posts:316
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| 12/29/2009 6:23 PM |
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| Ha alright. The most obvious way for when a girl takes the lead is when the guy is "whipped" ha, but thats kinda extreme ha. I think most of the time when the guy doesnt take the lead is when girls start to, and thats noticable when girls start making ALL the decisions in the relationship (not some, ALL of them). Also when a girl has to convince the guy to do eveerything (literally everything), which isnt bad some of the time, but to much is when the girl starts to take the lead. Hope that helped. |
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" Wake up oh my soul
wake up and praise the Lord
rise up you sleepy soul
rise up and praise the Lord"
Enter Your Gates |
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