AllieRay
Posts:82
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| 01/12/2010 1:20 PM |
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Ok so there is this guy... He is a nice guy and he likes me.. He has asked me out once and i said no. but now, he continues to do stuff for me. Some stuff he does is stuff that guys should do, like open doors for girls and stuff, but other times he goes way out of his way to do something that i could have done myself. Like for example, i was carrying a box into church and it like wasnt a heavy box or anything, but he walked like 20 feet over from where he was standing with his friends to take the boz from me and carry it for me.. ya know, it was a nice gesture but i really could have done it myself. And im i guess what you would call a very independant person.. most of the time i would rather do something on my own rather than have someone do it for me. And it really seems like he thinks that i am this weak person.. and he has to do everything for me.. But thats not all. Alot i have caught him just staring at me, like while i am talking to someone else or just sitting there.. and i make eye contact and he CONTINUES to stare! it is soo annoying! I should add that i dont like him at all.. he is a good guy, he is a christian and homeschooled like me. but i have no feelings for him more than just a friend, and even those are dwindeling.. Please help  ! I dont want to lead him on, but i dont just want to drop him like a hot potato! Thanks! |
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Why do we go with the flow
Or take an easier road?
Why are we playin' it safe?
Love came to show us the way
Love is a chance we should take
I'm movin' out of the way
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Lost get found by Britt Nicole |
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clare
Posts:932
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| 01/12/2010 2:12 PM |
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| If you can't stand him now and the feelings are dwindling that make you even want to be friendly, fat chance they're going to change! I've been in that spot before too. I'm like ok dude I don't like you do you want me to make this easy on you or do you want things done the hard way. (I was homeschooled too) Even if you do try really hard to like him, you'll know in you're heart you're trying. So my advice, be polite and cool if the hint isn't taken do the "I'm avoiding you how can I make it plainer" number! |
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Adelynn
Posts:516
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| 01/12/2010 6:20 PM |
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Tell him it's bothering you. It's awkward, but guys just don't get it sometimes (just like we don't pick up on about a million hints they give to us!).
I read that when a guy likes a girl, they like everything about her, so when a girl says "I really like you, and you're a really great person, but I really only like you as a friend," the message is perceived differently from what we're trying to say! They- guys, please tell me if what I read was true- don't even think that it is possible to like all these things about someone... but not like them ("if you think that I'm so great, so sweet and awesome, then what is it that is wrong with me?"). What I read said that they think along the lines of, how can you say that you like them... but then in the same sentence say that you don't like them? Even though us gals are just trying to be nice and let him down easy, and we really do like him- as a friend. That distinction just doesn't always exist to guys.
Plus, why do they need to be coddled? Every guy I've asked whether they would rather be "let down easy" or just told off said that they would rather a straight up answer. Then they don't have to wonder...
Sometimes it seems like fun to have a guy chasing us that "we can't get rid of." It's fun to gossip and "complain" with the girls about how this guy won't leave us alone... but that is really only to make ourselves feel special and it's just hurtful to him and unproductive to our Christian purpose of bringing people together for a Christian community. I'm not saying that you are doing this, but I wanted to get that out there.... |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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Liz
Posts:341
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| 01/12/2010 6:32 PM |
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| Another way to go is have your dad or brother or a trusted guy freind tell him to "get lost". (in a nicer manner) I had a problem like that last summer (at a Bible camp). There was this nice-but- unbearably-clingy-guy following me eeeverrrywherrre!!! So I talked to a friend of mine and he told the other dude to leave me alone. Thank the Lord for good guy friends. :^) |
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A girl should be so lost in God that a guy has to go in Him in order to find her |
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AllieRay
Posts:82
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| 01/12/2010 9:53 PM |
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Sometimes it seems like fun to have a guy chasing us that "we can't get rid of." It's fun to gossip and "complain" with the girls about how this guy won't leave us alone... but that is really only to make ourselves feel special and it's just hurtful to him and unproductive to our Christian purpose of bringing people together for a Christian community. I'm not saying that you are doing this, but I wanted to get that out there.... Ok i totally agree with you on this one. and i would probably never do that.. like i said i am kinda independant i guess, and i really dont like it when guys hang all over me.
@Liz: that really is a really good idea. There is this guy who is like my brother, who guessed that he was really aggervating me, so i could ask him.. and i have done him so many favors so he owes me! haha jk.
@Clare and Adelynn: yeah guys really dont get it do they. Im only fourteen, so im kinda just getting used to guys and all their nonsence! lol. Idk what im gonna do but something needs to be done fast.. Thanks guys! and if there are any guys (or girls!) that have any more advise for me, it would be much appreciated! |
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Why do we go with the flow
Or take an easier road?
Why are we playin' it safe?
Love came to show us the way
Love is a chance we should take
I'm movin' out of the way
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Lost get found by Britt Nicole |
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CowCud1992
Posts:0
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| 01/18/2010 12:18 AM |
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| your situation has brought me to a question. So if him offering to do things for you is obnoxious to you would you find someone offering to carry someones books after school obnoxious. just wondering because i do that with some of me girl friends at school. Thanks. and these girls gave great advice. some guys are just plain oblivious and they need to be told STRAIGHT ON that you are not interested and it is annoying. good luck! |
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David
Posts:57
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| 01/18/2010 1:39 AM |
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if that is how girls really feel about that then i am screwed.And u can't blame him if he stares at u that means he is thinking of how to make your every moment happy when he goes out of his way to help u it is not because he thinks your weak he just wants to make your life easyer and more enjoyable For example i would do anything to help the girl i like,anything at all. |
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CowCud1992
Posts:0
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| 01/18/2010 1:59 AM |
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| David that is exactly how i feel. Now this thread has worried me. I have a lump in my stomach. im guessing its good to a certain extent? |
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David
Posts:57
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| 01/18/2010 4:20 AM |
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i could not agree more
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Adelynn
Posts:516
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| 01/18/2010 9:03 AM |
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it's different if you know the guy well or like the guy- I have no problem with my brother helping me out, for example, or if I have tons of things in my hands and someone helps me out. Also, I suppose that when a guy helps me because I'm a girl is totally different from a guy helping me out just because he's helping out. Does that make sense?
And it is really creepy when a guy stares at us, especially dreamily. Wouldn't you be at least slightly freaked if a girl you know liked you but you weren't sure how you felt about them was staring at you all of the time? Us gals are trying to understand guys- really, we are- but we don't really know what is running through a guys mind! It could really be anything. And the unknown, well, the unknown is scary =] |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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AllieRay
Posts:82
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| 01/18/2010 9:47 AM |
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Yeah, like Adelynn said, its juts kinda weird because of the relationship i had with this guy before. He was like a brother. He teased me all the time, and i teased him back. I would have never thought that he liked me or ever would.
So if him offering to do things for you is obnoxious to you would you find someone offering to carry someones books after school obnoxious. Now please dont get me wrong, some girls love this kind of attention from guys. Actually most girls do. But like i said, im not interested in a boyfriend right now, i have friends that are so wrapped up in their "Boyfriend" that they miss out on fun stuff with us. And he knows that i dont like it when guys like hang all over me or whatever. We have talked about it, concerning another guy that liked me, and i thought he understood. I dont know, maybe its just guys. I really am trying to understand him, and ALL guys. And really, I would think it was awesome if CERTAIN guys offered to carry my books or whatever, but not ones that i have considered my brother for a while. So dont worry about it. If she still lets you carry her books, she probably doesnt mind it |
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Why do we go with the flow
Or take an easier road?
Why are we playin' it safe?
Love came to show us the way
Love is a chance we should take
I'm movin' out of the way
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Lost get found by Britt Nicole |
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AllieRay
Posts:82
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| 01/18/2010 9:50 AM |
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| and another thing, just a word of advise, most girls do think it is VERY creepy and weird if you sit there and stare at them all the time. It creates very awkward moments, and if our friends see it, it makes for lots of friendly teasing down the road. So yeah kinda try to advert your eyes a little. |
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Why do we go with the flow
Or take an easier road?
Why are we playin' it safe?
Love came to show us the way
Love is a chance we should take
I'm movin' out of the way
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Lost get found by Britt Nicole |
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nateynate
Posts:316
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| 01/18/2010 1:38 PM |
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| Back to wat Adelyn said up top, yea most guys are gonna want a straight up answer, cause honestly, if you make us wonder and chase you, thats just messed up ha like we cant tell if were being lead on we just cant ha the funny part about it though is that we can tell if it is being done to somone else though ha so ya, dont lead guys ike that its kinda like your toying with them |
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" Wake up oh my soul
wake up and praise the Lord
rise up you sleepy soul
rise up and praise the Lord"
Enter Your Gates |
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CowCud1992
Posts:0
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| 01/18/2010 2:02 PM |
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| thanks adelyn and allieray. yeah in my situation obviously i don't blatenly stare at anyone. i may glance but catching eyes is too weird to keep eye contact. and i totally understand. Theres this girl in biology class who makes it so obvious that she likes me and whenever i look around i find shes staring at me and its sooooo annoying. i also think its appropriate that i have asked to carry this girls books. Nate i whole heartedly agree with your statement. NEVER lead a guy on its just plain mean and other guys will find it to be a turn off if you do it. |
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AllieRay
Posts:82
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| 01/18/2010 2:20 PM |
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| Yeah actually, i did used to lead guys on.. im not really proud of it, but one of my guy friends came up to my one time and he was just like "allie, thats just mean".. he didnt do it in a mean way but that was basically what he said.. lol so yeah haha.. |
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Why do we go with the flow
Or take an easier road?
Why are we playin' it safe?
Love came to show us the way
Love is a chance we should take
I'm movin' out of the way
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Lost get found by Britt Nicole |
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CowCud1992
Posts:0
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| 01/18/2010 3:24 PM |
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| That was great of him to do that! Don't worry at least its in the past. I know i have a friend(my respect for her has dwindled significantly) who led on my best friend when she had a boyfriend! How messed is that? anyways its so obnoxious, not to mention mean. Im glad you don't do it anymore. lol. |
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AllieRay
Posts:82
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| 01/18/2010 3:53 PM |
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| Yeah that is VERY messed up. that would tick me off instantly if a guy did that to my best friend. Yeah im glad i dont do it anymore either! Haha |
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Why do we go with the flow
Or take an easier road?
Why are we playin' it safe?
Love came to show us the way
Love is a chance we should take
I'm movin' out of the way
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Lost get found by Britt Nicole |
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nateynate
Posts:316
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| 01/18/2010 5:56 PM |
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| Well good for you allie |
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" Wake up oh my soul
wake up and praise the Lord
rise up you sleepy soul
rise up and praise the Lord"
Enter Your Gates |
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AllieRay
Posts:82
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| 01/18/2010 9:11 PM |
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| Thank you |
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Why do we go with the flow
Or take an easier road?
Why are we playin' it safe?
Love came to show us the way
Love is a chance we should take
I'm movin' out of the way
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Lost get found by Britt Nicole |
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clare
Posts:932
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| 01/24/2010 12:07 AM |
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| Hey I'm guilty of it too. The older you get the more you realize what you're doing. Sometimes I get SO SICK of all the problems and who likes who and he likes me i like the other guy, how come God doesn't keep all those feelings away from us and when we meet the right one He gives us the feelings an then we know!!!! Whew that was venting! I had a rough week! |
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