| Author |
Messages |
|
missjess489
Posts:6
 |
| 02/13/2010 8:09 PM |
|
Hey, I'm Jessica and I'm kinda new to this forum. I say "kinda" because I just signed up now but I have been reading topics on this website for awhile-ish. Well anyway I've had this issue for awhile now and I feel like its starting to hurt my relationship with God so I wanted to see what you guys thought of it.
This is honestly embarrassing to say but I admit I rely A LOT on what guys think of me. And I really wish I didn't. I wish I could go through my teenage years without caring as much as I do. No, I do not wear revealing clothes (I go to a private school...it would be hard even if I wanted to) and no, I do not go from boy to boy (never had a bf).
It's kind of like I look for approval in what guys think of me. I want to know what they think. And if they think I'm funny or find me attractive (even if I don't know them well) it boosts my confidence ...sometimes to an alarming level. I don't show it outwardly but I think it. And I feel completely ashamed to admit I'm like that. But on the other hand if a guy says something negative then I find that suddenly my mind is back on the ground and I don't seek "approval" for awhile. Ugh how embarrassing! Anyway do you have any advice to help me to seek God rather than guys? I have no intentions of dating right now and I just want to be focused on God! Thanks (:
|
|
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. <3 |
|
|
clare
Posts:932
|
| 02/13/2010 9:22 PM |
|
don't be embarrassed everyone deals with that. It's worse though if you were to be dating and jump form guy to guy. It's natural to want to find approval from guys. I don't have much time right now but will finish my answer later! I'll be thinking |
|
|
|
|
AllieRay
Posts:82
|
| 02/15/2010 6:57 PM |
|
Wow I struggle with this everyday. And we aren't alone. I think that most girls feel this way. I'm like you, I don't wear revealing clothes, too much makeup and my hair is always up in a ponytail. I try to put up a hard exterior, which I am pretty good at.. I try to make it look like I don't care whta guys or even other girls think of me, but in reality, I kinda base my veiw of myself on it. I have gotten better about it, but it is still something I struggle with. But a couple months ago I just kind of woke up to the fact that God created me in His image, and I am perfect in His sight, which is the only sight that matters. But like I said before, it is still something I struggle with daily. Whether I am at the mall, soccer practice or even youth group I am thinking, what does he think of me? or I wish I was more like her. So all that to say don't feel bad about it, we are human and I think God understands, but He also wants us to know that we are His, and we are perfect and goregous in Him.  |
|
Why do we go with the flow
Or take an easier road?
Why are we playin' it safe?
Love came to show us the way
Love is a chance we should take
I'm movin' out of the way
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Lost get found by Britt Nicole |
|
|
missjess489
Posts:6
|
| 02/16/2010 11:51 AM |
|
thank you, both of you! Allie, it's great to know I'm not the only one who is like this! You pretty much described what goes through my head in public...even though I am trying to be better about it. Thank you, again! (:
|
|
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. <3 |
|
|
artyprincess
Posts:224
|
| 02/19/2010 1:43 AM |
|
ha ha, no you're definitely not alone.....
All I can say is focus on God, and his amazing love for you. You're not perfect, and you're gonna still want that attention and admiration, but try to always turn back to God. |
|
God Can. |
|
|
missjess489
Posts:6
|
| 02/21/2010 8:09 PM |
|
| Thanks. I've really been trying to not look for approval in that way...but it's a tad bit difficult! Thanks for the support(: |
|
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. <3 |
|
|
Adelynn
Posts:516
|
| 02/22/2010 8:43 AM |
|
I understand what you mean. Everyone always says that guys need our respect and approval and they can touch the stars- for some reason they forget that we need to be noticed and respected and beautiful, too! (Okay, maybe they don't need "beautiful," but... attractive =)
My friends are awesome at reminding me that I am all of those things. We've made it almost a game, every time we see a great picture of each other we say how gorgeous she is, how wonderful she is, how big her smile and how bright her eyes. I've started answering phones and emails (to my girl friends haha) with "Hey Gorgeous," "Lady," "Honey," "Dear.... " and they've started doing the same. It brightens my day, and I hope it does theirs.
Good for you, Jess, to realize all of this, too. Sometimes it's hard to admit that we depend on what someone else thinks of us! |
|
"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
|
|
Liz
Posts:341
|
| 02/22/2010 2:15 PM |
|
"Hey Gorgeous," "Lady," "Honey," "Dear.... "
I call my friends that, too, but once I accidentally called a guy friend "dear" and he kind of paused and was like Ooooh-kaaay! :^)
Being accepted means alot to me. I homeschooled, and live in the middle of nowhere with little gas money. I don't get to see alot a people most of the time, so when I'm with a group of kids I get really quiet and reserved until I feel like they're ok with having me around. One of my best experiences, I was at a family camp at the Bible Camp I go to in the summer, and there was a group of kids who were volunteering, two of whom were really good friends of mine. I wanted to hang out with them, but the others were always there. So over the weekend I just sort of tagged along, but we were playing a game outside and a guy picked me for his team (not last either) and another girl asked me to sit by her at lunch. It was so amazing, and I totally felt accepted!  Sorry, random story! |
|
A girl should be so lost in God that a guy has to go in Him in order to find her |
|
|
rachel
Posts:35
|
| 02/23/2010 12:57 PM |
|
okay well its hard for me to answer that without a better idea of what you're like...but i'll take a stab.
as you fall in love with Christ, you'll depend less on approval from guys (i've been there, and still sometimes am, i'm pretty sure everyone's been there at some point). But some things you can do i guess is really (yes i'm sure you know this but i'll say it anyways) pray and read your bible. and i don't know if you already do that routinely, but if you don't here's some strategies that aren't to hard to keep going:
1. open your bible (one with Jesus' words written in red) to one of the gospels, and read just the words Jesus said. i'm sure some people don't agree with this, but i've found it helpful so many times, and it often helps me focus on what He was like and what He would say to me now. as i continued to read my "red lines" i found myself reading the rest of it because i really wanted to. you don't have to read a whole chapter (maybe tis just a paragraph!), but something to get you started.
2. Praying. God's your heavenly Father. Talk to him like you would to your mom, dad, best friend, spiritual mentor.,..whoever you spill everything to. you dont' have to talk the whole time either, you can stop and just be silent and listen and try and keep yourself focused (its really hard actually, at least for me). also another thing for praying i use is writing out my prayers in my journal. it helps me alot. because not only does it sort out my thoughts, i know that they're not just going on piece of paper--God does see them (thats what i believe anyways). i can't even count how many times i've grabbed my pen in anger or pain and just scrawled out a prayer when i didn't feel like i could talk. there's plenty of pages with tear stains on them and ink smudges.
i dont' know how old you are either, but i'm 17 and i don't think there's anything wrong with dating as long as it doesn't pull you away from a relationship with Christ. i'm dating but i noticed that when i started dating i looked more towards the bible and praying to keep me accountable with myself and establish boundaries and see how dating this guy lines up with what i'm looking for in a future husband.
something else you might want to try to do is find a person that can help you with this who knows you and can give you advice on how to handle this. i mean i can say whats helped me but a spiritual mentor or small group/bible study can really help you deal with this based on who you are (because they know you).
wow, okay i think i just wrote a novel so i'll stop now...hehe good luck. |
|
"The difference between involvement and commitment is like a eggs and ham breakfast: the chicken was involved-the pig was committed." |
|
|
missjess489
Posts:6
|
| 02/23/2010 8:23 PM |
|
Thanks for answering, rachel!
As for your questions: yes, I do read my Bible and pray every night (unless I fall asleep while reading...unfortunately i did that once!) And I'm about 14 1/2.
And well, about me, I am very selective when it comes to guys. I've never dated although I have been asked out by a few people. My parents don't really have much of an opinion on that but I personally promised myself/ God not to date until at least 16. No matter what, however, I still rely on opinions even if the dude is not a christian,even if I don't know him personally. I've thought about it a little and realized I like to please people. Not too negative, I just like to be well liked and help others. And I guess my slight perfectionist-ness has something to do with it. It has gotten me into many problems before, I can tell you that.
Arrgg...I wish it was easier hahaha!
|
|
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. <3 |
|
|
clare
Posts:932
|
| 02/24/2010 2:47 PM |
|
| Just a small thought..are you very close to your dad or brother's? When a girl doesn't have close male figures in her family life she will try to find them else where.. |
|
|
|
|
|