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Fresh
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| 04/25/2010 9:08 PM |
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| okay so i'm a teenage guy, 16 and have some good friends, but only 3 of them know one very personal thing about me, i have suicidal thoughts, i've never actually done anything but i've been close, and alot of times i get ignored or just treated like i dont exist, and inside it just hurts cause i feel rejected...even at my own youth group...i know this is a site for dating but i was hoping some of you had a suggestion or something? idk, i just struggle with it, i am a Chritstian but someetimes it just gets hard to actually belive.... my own parents dont know and idk if i could ever tell them about it, no1 would even expect me as having "those thoughts" when i'm with people i just feel like i'm ignoring them and some days it's just getting to the point where idk what to do anymore, right now the only thing thats making me wanna stay alive is my lil sisters....any opinions or statements are welcome, but if you dont have any that's fine, thanxs |
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clare
Posts:932
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| 04/25/2010 9:37 PM |
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It's actually not really supposed to be a dating site!!!! not sure how it turned into kinda being that!
i think everyone deals with suicidal thoughts now and then during our teen years. Growing up, changes, pressure, decisions, it all can wear you down. Some struggle with it waaay more tho. I have a few friends that struggle with it pretty seriously. And I know someone who I hopes read this and answers  first...I think you need to tell someone, someone who you can talk to anytime, you trust, and can give good advice. You mentioned youth group...is your youth pastor someone you can go to and talk? It's going to be hard! But you are NOT alone in all this, lots of people are going around keeping it just as hidden away inside. O have no idea what your family is like, do you have an uncle, cousin, grandpa that you're close to? For me...I go to my brother's girlfriend!!! At one point I even went to a counselor..and loved it. girls like to talk 
For now that's what I suggest is just find someone you can tell!!! I'm glad you have your little sister, I don't know what I'd do without mine! I'll be praying for you. |
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Grant I.
Posts:184
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| 04/25/2010 11:52 PM |
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First of all, welcome to the forums!
Have you suffered from depression in the past, or is this a fairly recent occurance? Trust me, I know EXACTLY what you're talking about, and I know how horrible it is. Just know that while it's an unfortunate condition, you're definitely not alone, and you're not just weird! When I struggled with it most, I was between 14 and 16 or so. I hated school, I hated the principle, and I was convinced that everyone at school hated me too. I was not doing well in school, it was really hard for me, people started nagging me about not getting more work done, I threw up a wall and acted like I just didn't care, THEN...the girl that I really really liked called me a loser. My love language is words of affirmation, and that felt like a 12" red hot knife blade straight through my heart. I felt like there wasn't a person in my life who would care if I just disappeared. I kept trying to convince myself that there was, but I worked my way down the list, and scratched 'em all off. I told myself that everyone hates me, so I might as well hate them back, then I felt like doing it just to make them feel horrible for treating me the way they did. I felt like a complete failure, and that nothing good would ever become of my life, so I might as well spare everyone the agony. It got so bad that I would lie awake 'til 3:30AM on school nights in agony getting mad at all the people who've wronged me, getting mad at myself for not being able to do better, crying because I saw no hope, and about the fact that I would leave my "li'l sisters"(I don't actually have any, but I "adopted" 3 sweet li'l gals as my sisters) alone and sad. I've been approximately 2MM away from death(trigger travel), and by the grace of God, I'm still here.
There were 3 things that kept me alive... 1. I knew that I would most likely go to hell if I took my own life. 2. I would have to leave my darling li'l sisters behind, and would probably never ever see them again. 3. I had an awesome friend(I call her "mom"), who truly cared deeply about me, and kept encouraging me, and picking me up when I was down. I eventually let my guard down with her and spilled the beans, and she helped me out tremendously.
Whatever you do, know that God loves you, and He DOES have good things in store for you if you trust Him. You have to tell yourself that at least your close friends truly DO care deeply about you, and that they love you, and want you to be happy. Also, if you would be gone, who would be there for your little sisters to protect them, to encourage them, and to love them?
I know what you mean about noone else knowing, or suspecting that we'd be thinking things like that, but it's real. I never told anyone about it besides "mom" for years after I "got over it" My parents knew that I was depressed, but not to that extent. I don't think they would have known what to do even if they would have known. They were part of my problem too because they were nagging me endlessly about my performance too. Like Clare said, you need to talk to someone about it, and you've already made the first step by posting here. You need to talk with your close friends, break down that hard shell you've probably put around yourself, and let them into your life. They want to help you, but if they don't know anything, there's nothing they can do. I know it's really really hard to tell someone about it, but you need their help. Try to get involved in group activities, even if it's awkward. Make every effort to join in and have fun! Give it your best, and dive in! I remember when I tried to do that, people didn't really want to do much with me because I was always in such a bad mood, and wasn't any fun to be around. It takes a ton of courage, and hard work on your part, but it's SO worth it! I'll also say this...If I can do it, ANYONE CAN!!!
I'm not sure what else to say, but stay strong man, your friends love you, and they want the best for you. I'll definitely be praying for you that you can conquer these feelings, and I suggest that you do the same. With GOD, all things are possible. Lean on Him, and TRUST him with your life. I wish you the best, my friend! |
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Fresh
Posts:2
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| 04/26/2010 9:55 AM |
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clare: i have talked to my youth pastor about it all, he knows about it all to an extent, but not all of it. lika all he knows if i have thoughts every so often but he doesnt know that i've been close to doing some stuff. I only get to see some of my family members like once or every other year so i dont really know that many of them...
Grant I. : i'm not sure when i started feeling depressed but i think it was around when i was 13 or 14. Right now though i am homeschooled so luckily i can stay away from all the drama that goes on there... "I felt like there wasn't a person in my life who would care if I just disappeared. I kept trying to convince myself that there was, but I worked my way down the list, and scratched 'em all off. I told myself that everyone hates me, so I might as well hate them back, then I felt like doing it just to make them feel horrible for treating me the way they did. I felt like a complete failure, and that nothing good would ever become of my life, so I might as well spare everyone the agony." thats actually how i tend to feel alot...it's actually what i do too. i have told three closer friends about it, but i only feel like one of them even cares about me or worries that i struggle with it. Thanks for all your prayers and everything you have told me, it means more than you think!(: And i'll definately do my best that i can to lean on Him, thanks again, and God bless!! |
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Adelynn
Posts:516
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| 04/28/2010 6:35 PM |
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| Have you checked out To Write Love on Her Arms or Groundwire? |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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JoJo
Posts:1657
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| 04/29/2010 8:23 PM |
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Gosh it is really hard. What I've recently learned is that while everyone goes through different trials, no one ever has a unique trial that no one else has had... but we all have different combinations of trials, and therefore we all have a unique experience on life that no one else is gonna be able to completely understand, except God of course.
That book is great that was last suggested.
I also suffered depression (I am now 21, and I had it sorta bad from the ages of 13 to 15. I still have random moments of it, but I've learnt to control them.)
I never got suicidal, but that's cuz while I was growing up, I was always taught that one of the BIGGEST sins is to take your own life, because God gives us life as a gift, and we're meant to use it. besides that though (sorry not trying to make you feel bad, so sorry if it sounds like that )
It is good to talk to someone about as much of it as you can... I know you can't always tell people everything... What I do is tell God everything, how I'm feeling etc and ask for his help, because God can handle all my problems etc. When you start feeling depressed, do something to take your mind off of the feelings.
Recently, I was depressed cuz all my friends are getting married, and I've been single my whole life, and I was basically just wanting to sleep all day and cry. So... I started playing a videogame to get my mind off of my depression. and it worked. I was so focussed on clocking the game, I forgot about my depression. I've also tried reading books, doing sudoku, I do youth group stuff (I'm in charge of dance stuff and I'm an assistant youth leader) etc, and I've found by helping others going through things, being there for them etc. I've found that really, I don't have anything to complain about. like for instance, I may have never had a bf, but I dont have a list of ex's who hate me.
so i donno, talk to God, talk more to your youth pastor and find something you can be passionate about, it might even be painting or w/e. and get your mind onto other things. You can get through this, ask God for help and get a bunch of people behind you praying for you. You dont have to tell everyone everything, just say you need prayer against a suicidal thought pattern. if people dont take you serious, just ignore them cuz honest, half the time people think I'm insane cuz I am always getting sad about being single. and think I'm blowing it way out of proportion) God knows your heart, and knows just how bad it is for you and He understands, even if no one else does.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
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God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Ari
Posts:3
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| 05/01/2010 10:45 AM |
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I know exactly what you're going through. This is such a hard thing, and so many people think you can just snap your fingers and make it go away. I had severe depression for about 5 years, from ages 12-17. My family was falling apart, I felt like I'd lost my parents, and I became kind of a piano addict, I guess you could say. I would practice the piano 6 hours a day, seriously, because it was the only thing that took my mind off of everything. Then last summer I got tendonitis. My hands swelled up, I literally couldn't move them, and it took 7 months for me to be able to play again at all. So basically, that took away the only thing that was keeping from having a complete meltdown--and so I had one. I did nothing but cry for five months (it seemed like it, anyway). But you know what? These days I'm as happy as a cricket. You CAN get out of this, I promise!
So my advice for you....First of all, the thing that pushed me over the edge (besides tendonitis) was not being able to talk about it. My parents were extremely depressed at the time as well, and they didn't want to hear me complaining about how much they'd changed and how miserable I was, because they were miserable too. When we finally got a therapist and got all those feelings out in the open, I was able to understand my parents' point of view, and understand WHY this had all been happening, and that it wasn't their fault (I won't go into the circumstances, but I will say that they handled them better than anyone else I know could have). Just to talk about it with my parents and figure out what we could do to change was HUGE.
So that made things better, but I still wasn't close to happy. Not until I learned to let go and give it to God. I've always been a Christian, but this was when I really had to say, "Ok, what's really important? Is piano the most important thing in my life, or my family problems, etc, etc?" And I started to prioritize. My mom promised me that if I would make an effort to study my scriptures and pray daily, and really try to put my faith in God, that he would pull me out of it. My parents have both been on medication for years, and let me tell you--that's not gonna fix it. God's the only one who can fix this--or, rather, help YOU to fix this.
I found that if I just repeated whenever I was struggling, "Jesus, I need you to hold my hand today," and then pictured that--just picture your Savior walking hand in hand with you through all of this (and he IS)---that helped me to feel comforted. Once I got to that point where I could trust God to help me, I found that I could look at my situation and think: "Ok, I have a choice today. I can wallow in my misery, or I can try my very best not to think about it. I can choose to try to be happy today (emphasis on "try")." And right now that might seem unfathomable to you. But I promise you that if you can draw closer to God through prayer and scripture study and service--that's big, if you want something to take your mind off of your problems--then you will reach a point where you will be able to look at the big picture and CHOOSE to let go of the here and now, CHOOSE to be happy. I do that every morning. I make that choice, and that doesn't mean I'm never sad, but I'm happier than I've been in a very, very long time. I feel close to my Savior, and it's the best feeling in the world.
I hope this helps! |
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nateynate
Posts:316
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| 05/08/2010 10:17 PM |
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| Dang. I cant say ive been there but i do feel for you. My advice would be to seriously pray and pray and pray. I know that sounds typical but it works because were praying to someone real. Another idea for you, would be to actually just open up completely to your youth pastor. It might not be easy at all, but doing that can just get your thoughts out and it will probably take some of the pressure and burden off. But either way, pray. Trust me on that. Good luck. |
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" Wake up oh my soul
wake up and praise the Lord
rise up you sleepy soul
rise up and praise the Lord"
Enter Your Gates |
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