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Kathryn
Posts:18
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| 09/10/2008 9:18 AM |
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Everybody needs to guard their minds against sinful thoughts, but I think girls and boys have very different thought lives. I think for most boys they have to work on keeping images from tripping them up. and for most girls I think we need to work on keeping our thoughts/day dreams under control so they won't shift our focus from our God, our purpose, our community and onto a boy. I tend to struggle more with getting caught up with a guy and our dialogue and spending way too much time in just thinking about him. Nothing bad, but it is a sin when I let thoughts of another person take my eyes off of Christ. So, for me, I don't really think about boys wear, but I need to guard my mind and not let my imagination run away with me. I need to stay anchored in the Lord and be sensible!
I have never ever thought that boys were more sinful than I am because they struggle with visual thoughts. We cannot compare our sins, because God doesn't. ANYTHING that takes our focus of the King is a sin, and it is our responsibility to control that. To get back on track. and to not let the things of this world have an effect on our Spiritual well-being.
I am stepping off of my soap box now..  |
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Beka
Posts:15
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| 09/10/2008 5:35 PM |
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| Hey... that was really well said!!I totally agree with you when you say that for girls its easy to get caught up in thinking about guys and stuff... Which can be a total waste of time. I have been praying lately that i want to give God an undivided heart! Easier said than done though.. |
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wjr1991
Posts:232
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| 09/12/2008 10:56 AM |
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Umm... you do realize that guys deal with the images when "just thinking" or daydreaming, right? sure, we have the kind of thing where a really cute girl walks by, and that can trigger desire on the spot, but then, desire's not the problem- lust is. (or, as Joshua Harris put it- "Sex is not the problem- lust is.") I'd actually say there are two ways a guy can sin in that regard- one is that he can lust (which is desiring what is forbidden or impossible) or inordinate desire (when desiring something (or someone) gets in the way of our relationship to God- or that person, or our family).
You kinda nailed it Kathryn- anything that takes our focus off of God is a sin. But that's not necessarily lust that does it. Just saying... |
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Most of the nearly two billion children in the developing world have inadequate access to dinosaurs. Some receive no paleontology training at all. One in three has never even seen a dinosaur in person.
OVPC is an organization providing a means to an end - an end that sees children in even the most remote regions of the globe being given the motivation and adrenaline to tap into their own potential, identify with the survival needs of a global dinosaur-driven culture, and to contribute to a paleontological world community.
Support the cause at velociraptorz.org |
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wjr1991
Posts:232
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| 09/12/2008 11:09 AM |
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| (although some people would define lust as a really strong desire- but if that's what it is there's nothing in particular wrong with it- in fact, we would be supposed to lust God... But either way, it's either desire of something sinful or inordinate desire that it is a sin.) |
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Most of the nearly two billion children in the developing world have inadequate access to dinosaurs. Some receive no paleontology training at all. One in three has never even seen a dinosaur in person.
OVPC is an organization providing a means to an end - an end that sees children in even the most remote regions of the globe being given the motivation and adrenaline to tap into their own potential, identify with the survival needs of a global dinosaur-driven culture, and to contribute to a paleontological world community.
Support the cause at velociraptorz.org |
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smartblonde77
Posts:122
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| 09/20/2008 10:47 AM |
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| i can't find shorts that are long enough either so what i do is cut of pants and cut them to something a little bit beter that what i see in the stores! so you could try cut offs! |
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~Krista
it's kinda crazy how time has a way of makein all these memories fade away so if theres only one thing you remember bout me remember that i loved you unconditionally! |
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Gods_Girl
Posts:17
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| 09/27/2008 3:03 PM |
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Well, I say jeans are fine. Capris are ADORABLE! Tank tops can be okay, but, layer them with another one. It shows a LITTLE less skin.
I'd say skirts that are like three inches above the knee, are WAY short. And, leggings are cute, but, the skirt should be at the knee, or maybe 1 inch higher. Otherwise, guys get the mental picture. I have leggings and I wear them with dresses. |
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Phil 4:4 "Rejoice in the name of the Lord, alway; and again I say rejoice!" |
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JP
Posts:11
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| 09/29/2008 2:45 AM |
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Wow, you guys have really talked this over! And I have to agree with everything that has been written, well done. However, I will add a few things and will be a bit blunt for all you girls out there. Someone needs to give wjr1991 a hand, us guys have to stick together.
Four things for you:
1) There is no "right" answer...
It is a big gray area - especially since each girl is built differently. A girl who is rather busty will reveal a lot more cleavage than a girl who isn't as much - it will attract much more attention. Also, girls who have "more in the rear" will fit tighter into jeans and will attract more attention. this isn't to say that thin girls don't have anything to worry about, it is just that "gifted" girls have additional concerns. Midriffs will attract attention regardless of build, and there are items and clothing to allow any girl to show cleavage or attract bad attention.
2) While it is a gray area, the question isn't "what can I wear?", it's "what image am I putting up?" (wjr1991 touched on this already)
If you dress to attract bad attention, you will get lots of it. If you dress to attract respectful attention, you will still get some bad attention, but to "good guys" this is a non-verbal signal to guys that you respect yourself. And if you demand that respect, guys will rise up to the challenge and become the men you want. But the image your create with your clothing is essential to this task.
2) Guys are VISUAL!
I know this is the basis for the whole conversation, but it can't be stressed enough. We (guys) remember everything. I still have images in my head from years ago that I can't every get rid of, and it is my cross to deal with them. You need to lead men to respectful attraction, not push their lust button!
3) Dress to look appealing, not easy - get a helper!
I am in no way saying start wearing ankle-length shapeless plaid jumpers, because that is almost as bad as dressing immodestly. Girls are supposed to be beautiful, God created you to image his beauty in the world - and in the mind of men, there is nothing more beautiful on this earth than women!
With that said, get a helper to help you dress modestly. Good people to ask are: mother, father, brother (if they will be honest), sister, grandma/grandpa, aunt/uncle. I wouldn't recommend girl-friends generally, because a really "cute" outfit doesn't justify immodesty. Also, I wouldn't recommend guy friends, don't put them through that misery! That's like asking them if you look fat in something, most guys won't know what to say or how to say it!
My 2-cents... |
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faythe
Posts:17
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| 10/17/2008 1:02 PM |
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hmm the question you posed is a tough one...
i would have to agree with the others and say the boxer thing, that really really bothers me and i really dont understand why guys do that! and also having shirts off too, now it isnt as much of a problem b/c it is fall, but during beach season that is a toughy.
and also if you are in a relationship with someone (as i am right now)
the temptation to kiss is huge, i have decided that i only want to kiss the person i marry so that is why i won't do that right now, but that temptation is there a lot ( i guess that didnt really have anything to do with modesty  )
and not really physical modesty but when guys compliment a lot girls will automatically jump to conclusions so i wish guys were careful about that!
hope that is a good answer!
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Loved by God,
faythe
~serve wholeheartedly, as if serving the LORD not men. |
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**Jes :-)
Posts:154
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| 11/10/2008 12:38 AM |
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| that's a good question! sometimes when i see girls dress so immodestly i just think girls don't you realize what you are doing to Guys!!! but i defiantly think every girl should take that into consideration! i always try to wear tops or dresses that don't have a neckline that is to low! that if bend over that it'll show more than i want to reveal! I heard a msg awhile ago that was talking about that same subject. that guy said girls should not dress so that everything was so revealing for everyone! he said it possed an idea of "hey look at me" and you give yourself away to everyone |
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artyprincess
Posts:226
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| 11/14/2008 1:14 AM |
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Everyone has a slightly different opinion on the issue of modesty. My parents have always had a standard for me, so I've never had to rethink my wardrobe. I know how hard it is to find clothes in the shops now! Especially in Summer. The t-shirts you do find are either too tight or have a low neckline. Recently I discovered bolero-style tops. I love them because you can layer them over a singlet/spaghetti strap top, providing that the singlet top has an appropriate neckline, of course. All my pants and skirts are below the knee.
I also steer away from tight tops and pants. IMO, they are just as immodest as revealing clothes.
For swimming, I wear a one or two-piece with a sun shirt/rash vest and boardies (knee length ones). I'm so glad to find others who think the same!
It makes it so much easier to brave a sea of short-shorts and tight spaghetti strap tops!!
And it's also good to find that there ARE guys out there who value us girls dressing appropriately! I mean, I'm told there are, but to actually hear their comments on here and know they really do exist! Yay! |
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God Can. |
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smileybookworm
Posts:48
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| 06/11/2010 3:55 PM |
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I read somewhere that you shouldn't show your bra ever because it will mislead guys. What do the guys here think about that. If I have a spaghetti strap shirt on and my bra straps are wider than the tank top straps should I change? Also wondering about bikini's. I was on susiemag and the girls there were discussing whether bikinis were wrong or not.
I also have a problem with guys going shirtless. I'm used to it with my dad, and my 6yo brother, but guys my age/older cause me to get distracted. I turn so I don't have to look, but then I have to focus on not looking until he's gone. |
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Jesus has a thing for losers.
-Losers by Me in Motion |
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**Jes :-)
Posts:154
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| 06/13/2010 9:29 PM |
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| hey guys if you were sitting in your vehicle and a girl walks across the parking lot(just as an example could be anywhere) and she was wearing a long skirt with a slit in it, would that set off any impure thoughts? or would it be better for that girl to wear a shorter skirt? i used to think i was going to wear skirts with slits in it, and i had no concern how it would affect guys! i thought it was their own problem they could just control their thoughts!! but...i have changed my mind!! big time! i have realized it is our responsibilty to dress decently and to try to avoid causing guys to stumble. so there for i have decided it might be better to either have a shorter skirt or longer skirt without a slit. any input?? |
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Grant I.
Posts:184
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| 06/14/2010 12:23 AM |
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| Jes, it depends how high up the slit goes, but I've seen some where the slit came up pretty stinkin' close to the bottom of daisy duke's denim, and they turned me on or made me look alot more than a girl wearing shorts that short. I would definitely say a shorter skirt with no slit would be far less distracting for me. However, a small split to increase range of motion/free moving, etc. isn't a problem at all, but a girl walking with a long split in her skirt, regardless of overall length, with every step, flashes that much of her leg, then disappears, so a guy who isn't trying to be good will really look every other step. It's very distracting for me. I say that as a guy who's been on both sides of the "self-control" fence, and I like this side better. Miniskirts are like giving a fat man his footlong chili cheese dog and letting him eat it, but long-split skirts are liking holding it in front of his nose, then as soon as he opens his mouth or reaches to grab it, yanking it away, then putting it back in front of his nose over and over and over! LOL Thanks for asking! I've been wanting to say that for a long time! |
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**Jes :-)
Posts:154
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| 06/14/2010 6:47 AM |
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that is kinda what i thought to that it would be more distracting to wear a skirt with a slit cuz it would distract the mind where as a shorter skirt it's not as distracting. but then again i'm not a guy so i don't no i'm just guessing. all i no is it just IRKS me when i see girls dress imodestly!!! cuz i no how it is a battlefield for men! i was hanging out with friends one time and one of my friends'n i were just kinda hanging out to there and this girl comes by dressed SO imodestly(not that that is a rare thing i suppose that particular time it just hit me)...if i had done what i felt like doing i would have gone over to her and said "you no what you just did to him(my friend)! you set his mind off to some very impure thoughts!"....grrr..just annoys me so much!
i love your way of explantion! do you explain things like that to all your girlfriends too? or you just do it on here? if you explain it like that to them how about you come out here and do some lessons for all my guy friends!! lol! they are awesome friends but sometimes i wonder what they think! but then i pry write more on here than i would say to them too...i guess i might need some lessons too;-P |
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Grant I.
Posts:184
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| 06/14/2010 2:50 PM |
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Haha you should have! thanks for your concern about this subject, it means alot to us guys to know that at least some girls are trying to help us out! I honestly think alot of girls just really don't have a clue about how what they (don't)wear affects guys, and what kind of thoughts it brings to mind in a flash, sometimes almost literally.
Heh, thanks! Yep, sure do! I guess you could say that I'm pretty straightforward and practical about pretty much everything. I say what I mean and mean what I say and call it a day. I don't beat around bushes, I jump right in the middle of 'em(sometimes not a good idea, but we get straight to the point). Haha there ya go! I'm not a very good teacher...I just know what I think and I say it. Sometimes I shouldn't, but I do. Sometimes I feel like walking up to a girl dressed like a hooch and tell her exactly what all went through every guy's mind in great detail as soon as they laid eyes on her. Next time I saw her, she'd probably be wearing a burka. LOL
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**Jes :-)
Posts:154
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| 06/14/2010 6:22 PM |
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huh...i don't no if that would have been a good idea if i set out to tell her! she would pry go home and dress like a muslim! (not that i am racist tho, just a description). isn't it tho that those girls that feel insecure they are the ones to dress so immodestly!! makes me think of the message "A Father's Blessing" ever heard that?
ya sometimes i think i'm SOO annoyed by girls dressing so immodestly and i am only a girl so then how much more guys would be annoyed!! WOOW i would say it could be pretty bad then!
ya i love it when people are straight forward, no beating around the bush!! if there's a cat in the bush get it out! don't try to beat around the bush!!lol!! well even if yo are not a good teacher you could influence them! |
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clare
Posts:952
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| 06/14/2010 8:40 PM |
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And he hasn't even been as blunt on here as I've heard sometimes
All my friends used to dress really modest and I don't know why, but they all quit. I don't think they understated it like I do. To them it's just to fit in and wear what's cute, not thinking about he guy. It makes it hard for me when I'm hanging out with them an I'm the only modest one anymore. Now that summer is here...I'm afraid one of these days I'm just going to loose it and tell them to go wear more clothes. If I'm dating and trying to be modest an I'm with my friends who aren't modest it makes me embarrassed my BF has to see them when I am doing my best for them. I'm not dating now just in past scenarios!LOL |
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wolf
Posts:21
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| 06/17/2010 8:55 PM |
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| Hey. Im a dude and heres my opinion. for shorts id try nothing above the knee. There is a girl i like and one thing that attracts me to her is 1)she almost always wears a long skirt. if thats not possible she wears pants. and 2) she always wears a t-shirt. i for one like it when a girl tries to be modest. i kno some people feel like covering their bodies shows that they are insecure. i look at a girl who takes precautions to be modest in dress and see a girl who feels confident that she doesnt need to show excessive skin to get pple to like her. as for ur kwestion about noodle straps and tanktops i would say theyre fine as long as theyre not low cut. hope that helped and ddnt ramble on too long |
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