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Jennifer
Posts:5
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| 06/23/2010 1:57 AM |
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| Guys, I would love to hear from you especially.
About a month ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. He wasn't expecting it all, and I think that made it a lot harder for him. It wasn't anything he had done (and I think that was really hard for him to accept), but after a lot of thought and prayer I realized he was more serious than I was and I was content with just being his friend. I felt like it wasn't fair to him for me to stay in the relationship when my heart wasn't fully committed.
I won't bore you with all the details, but basically we've gone through a long and very frustrating cycle of him ignoring me and being rude and then us talking about it and deciding to be good friends...and then after a while he goes back to ignoring me and being abrupt. I don't get why one day he says he wants to still be friends but then all of a sudden he changes his mind.
He is one of the guys in my closest circle of friends, so if I want to hang out with my friends, he's going to be there too. What's the best way for me to handle this situation? Should I keep trying to make an effort to be his friend or take the hint that he doesn't want anything to do with me and just let our friendship fade away? |
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nateynate
Posts:316
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| 06/24/2010 3:52 PM |
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| Well you probably hurt his ego so that may be why hes being all sparatic about being friends, it kinda depends on how long you went out sometimes the longer you two were dating the longer it might take for you two to be friends again and vice versa so either way your gonna have to wait it out some time good luck |
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" Wake up oh my soul
wake up and praise the Lord
rise up you sleepy soul
rise up and praise the Lord"
Enter Your Gates |
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wjr1991
Posts:232
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| 06/25/2010 10:32 AM |
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Nate, that's possible... but there's something else too.
Jennifer, if you broke up with him because you weren't as serious as he was... you should realize that you significantly rocked his plans. He's over-compensating, that's what's going on. He makes an effort to be friends, feelings kick in, and he backs off and clams up. So yes, you're going to have to ride it out, give him space when he needs to, and basically, put up with it if you're interested in being friends with him. (Basically, since he was serious, he is going to take more time to adjust than you are.) |
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Jennifer
Posts:5
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| 06/25/2010 6:34 PM |
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| wjr1991, that definitely shed some light on the situation. I'll try to be patient with him and pray that things will work out between us eventually. Thanks for replying! |
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clare
Posts:932
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| 06/26/2010 4:16 PM |
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I was in a similar situation...and for me it got to t he point where one of us told the other it won't even work for us to be just friends. He was more attached to me than I was to him. So we split ways, avoided each other, and it was hard for awhile but I'm glad we did. Just being friends was just not going to work cuz it wouldn't of taken much to think that the one liked the other again.
Not sure if that made sense I have a lot on my mind right now |
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JoJo
Posts:1657
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| 07/14/2010 6:00 PM |
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I totally agree with you Will... haha and you know why 
anyways, I was the one who was too attatched, and while I don't want to end our friendship, I haven't been able to talk to the guy because I loved him, haha no actually I did, and I wanted to marry him. but he wasn't on the same wave-length you could say. and without telling my whole story, i have avoided him alot because, whenever we're together, just as friends, I start getting all those feelings flooding back, and I can't handle going through the heartache all over again. |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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1 Peter 3:3
Posts:18
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| 07/23/2010 2:42 PM |
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| Wow... It's crazy you should mention that subject. I just recently, like 3 weeks ago actually, went through the EXACT same thing! I had been going out with the guy for a while and one day, I realized that God had different plans for me besides being with him. So I told him and he was all calm and cool at first and then all of a sudden, he just stopped looking at me and talking to me all together! So I decided to talk to him about it and he told me that it wasn't the fact that we broke up, it was how it happend. It was all of the sudden, right when our relationship was going great and that was the hardest thing for him. Maybe that's what's going through his mind. Depending on how comfortable you are talking to him, maybe you should just sit him down and tell him that it wasn't easy for you either and that you want to hear what he thinks no matter how bad it is. I'll tell you from experience, it makes things ALOT better. My ex and I are Great Friends now because of it. Hope that helps! Keep the faith! |
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AlexTi
Posts:0
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| 08/03/2010 1:32 AM |
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uh i would think not because if he was more serious about it then u wer then it is harder for him  |
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jess117
Posts:2
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| 08/29/2010 8:52 PM |
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| Jennifer, im a guy and i was reading some replys people gave you, and i wanted to share my story with you. You see, i have been in the same situation that your ex is in and i can only imagine how he feels because im goin through the exact same thing. I fell in love with a girl while we were talking and just becoming friends, and things just kept getting better. we kept getting closer and closer to each other. We both started to like each other and were about to go out, untill, all of a sudden, she breaks it off because i was more serious than she was. She still wanted to be friends with me though and i didnt want to because she hurt me by the way things went. i was angry with her and i didnt want to talk to her. in fact, i still have a hard time talking to her, because i STILL love her and still want to be with her and my feelings come back. But with your ex, i think that he is trying to still be friends with you and you should respect that. But he WILL lash out at you from time to time. Who knows, maybe he heard a song that made him think of you, theres no telling what will affect his emotions from day to day. But be sure to not let him think you like him as anything more than a friend unless you are sure your feelings have changed and you want to really be with him. and i agree that sumtimes he needs space, like when hes barely talking to you... but when you realize that he needs to be alone, and you respect that, it will mean a lot to him. i dont mean to be a downer on your hopes of still being friends, but his feelings do make it hard, and it will take a lot of work to rebuild that friendship. i hope i helped. =) God Bless, Jesse |
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Jennifer
Posts:5
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| 09/05/2010 1:57 AM |
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| Thanks for replying, and yeah, it made sense. A few weeks ago, things were really awkward between us again (that's how it was for most of the summer), but shortly after that, idk i guess something clicked and it felt like we were friends again...until I found out from another guy that my ex had feelings for me. He told my friend that the more he was around me, the more he liked me. My friend talked to him and told him I didn't want to date again, and pretty much that very day he stopped talking to me or texting me, and things are distant between us again. We're polite to each other at school, but I don't think we'll ever be able to go back to that friendly banter that we used to share. I think I've finally accepted that though. |
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Jennifer
Posts:5
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| 09/05/2010 1:59 AM |
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| Thanks for the insight. I know you will find the right guy one day, so don't give up hope. |
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Jennifer
Posts:5
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| 09/05/2010 2:06 AM |
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I just realized I didn't mention who I was addressing when I replied.
The first comment, "Thanks for replying, and yeah, it made sense..." was to Clare.
The second comment, "Thanks for the insight..." was for JoJo.
Jesse - Thank you for answering. I appreciate hearing a guy's perspective. Yeah, I'm trying to be his friend, but, at the same time, I'm not expecting things to go back to how they were. I know now that's unrealistic. I hope things work out for you! Don't lose hope; if things didn't work out with that girl, I know God's got another amazing girl for you in the future! |
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JoJo
Posts:1657
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| 09/08/2010 8:09 AM |
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HAHA all good. I kinda thought the 2nd one was for me
I'm happy you have kinda figured stuff out for yourself |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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yumm
Posts:1
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| 09/08/2010 6:39 PM |
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| I think, the more you know him the faster you two can be friends again. You have to break the awkward barrier first though. It may not seem awkward for you, but for him there is a very high chance he is feeling awkward. You just have to break that. He is most likely not trying to be rude, he just doesn't feel comfortable. And that barrier really isn't all that hard to break, usually. You just have to be persistent. |
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