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clare
Posts:952
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| 09/21/2009 11:37 PM |
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So..my sister and her room mate and I were talking about people and personalities, who we are attracted to and who we just can't stand and why. very interesting subject! The more we break down people and their reactions and how they face things the more I understand myself. I am a major manipulator! I always said "I knew how to play my cards" but I never realized how bad (or good) I was at it. I guess my question is this...is manipulation wrong? I do it all the time, that's just me and how I work. Though sometimes I think I know better. For example, when I met my now boyfriend I had just read FYWO and I kind of worked the situation. I liked him but I never showed it. I really played on that trust issue knowing I could get him to open up to me. I never had dating in mind, I just honestly wanted to be his friend. Was that wrong to work that? It's really hard to explain how I do it, I'm worse at it with men, I can get anything and get them to do anything I want through manipulation, and I don't know just how I do it. I think I just made this a very confusing subject!
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 09/22/2009 11:14 AM |
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I kind of worked the situation. I liked him but I never showed it. I really played on that trust issue knowing I could get him to open up to me. I never had dating in mind, I just honestly wanted to be his friend. Was that wrong to work that? It's really hard to explain how I do it, I'm worse at it with men, I can get anything and get them to do anything I want through manipulation, and I don't know just how I do it.
I can understand how you "worked the situation", Clare. I may sound manipulative, too, but I believe girls just have that incarnate ability to do so. not to say that in all situations we should. that's not what I'm getting at. but, you said, "I played on that trust issue" because you knew that if you did, if you made him work for it (correct me if I'm wrong), his true colors would show. I don't think that any upstanding, honest, trustworthy girls (Christian or not) seriously manipulate guys with the knowledge of, "if I do/say this, he'll do/say that." but, even with my friends, I watch what they do/say around me when I ask them to do something or ask them a certain question. I doubt most would see that as "manipulation", that's just deriving a person's character from what you see.
thoughts, anyone? am I completely off? =p |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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SamiD
Posts:27
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| 09/22/2009 4:52 PM |
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Hey Clare!
Do you mean he's your boyfriend? But you never intended really more than friends? I'm a bit confused by that part.
I honestley think you are not really manipulating him. When guys feel like they can open up to you, they usually think wow she is sort of more than a friend. I hope you get what I'm saying. Anywayz, If you are intending just to get to know guys better by having them trust you with thier personal information ect, than you are not manipulating. If you are actaully with some-one steady, and you try to do this with other guys, you may be manipulating. But, only if you're doing it to make them jelous or to like you ect.... I hope I read what you meant clearly, correct me if I'm wrong please! 
- Bieleve, Hope, Trust, Love <3 |
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clare
Posts:952
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| 09/23/2009 1:38 AM |
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Ok well I wasn't intending to date him but we are now and I hope engaged this winter I know guys open up fast to girls who they know they can trust so I led him on I don't think I was flirting and before I knew it he wanted to date me, and seriously and I was sputtering around going oops! I know sometimes I do say things or react a certain way knowing I can get the response I want or get someone to do or say what I want. Here's an example...
I found out he drank some so I told him it really bothered me that I did. He said so what's that to him. I said it matters a lot because my friends mean so much to me I don't want to see them hust and will do anything I can to stop them. (At this point in time I knew him a few wks and really didn't think of him as that great of close a friend). So he started changing his ways because he didn't want to hurt a girl who cared for him and believed in him when really I didn't care at all!
I guess I know how much power a girl has on a guy and I use that on them. If I've tried discussing something and he won't change or think about it I start the..but that hurts me when you do that...and really I'm just using that to get his attention or to change. |
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Kathryn
Posts:18
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| 09/23/2009 1:43 PM |
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| Clare,
So are you still with the guy you've been seeing? I read some things about you having a hard time with your family and deciding to take a break from your relationship with him. You might have already posted, sorry if I'm out of the loop.
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SamiD
Posts:27
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| 09/23/2009 5:43 PM |
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| Wow that's great I'm very happy for you too! Honestley I think you are fine, you're not hurtin anyone or manipulating them. Just stay true to your boyfriend. Trying to get his attention is not a bad thing as long as you are not trying to put him down or make him jealous. I'll admit sometimes I try to get my boyfriends attention too. Sometimes I'll say something and know exactley how he is going to reply, because I make it that way. Like he only has one option. If you get what I'm saying. It's not a bad thing if you try to get his attention, just don't make it about putting him down, jealousy or saying I wonder how long I can keep his attention by making the suspense last longer. Again I'm happy for you and I believe you are not manipulating - Live, Laugh, Love, Believe <3 |
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clare
Posts:952
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| 09/23/2009 9:17 PM |
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| Ha I'm not always in the loop either. If I don't have much time I'll only read a few posts to get what's going on. Ya we kind of took a break but that wasn't really to answer to the problem so we are dating and trying to get things settled with my family! |
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SamiD
Posts:27
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| 09/23/2009 9:28 PM |
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| Oh well that's good! I wish the best of luck to you! |
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Adelynn
Posts:516
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| 09/24/2009 9:28 PM |
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I believe that the word "manipulation" usually has a negative connotation, but it isn't always used to hurt someone (as your example with him drinking some illustrated). Though, I wonder if you were saying it, hoping that he would stop because those are your standards and, also, you wondered if you had the ability to influence him. That can be a heady power, that ability to influence others, so though it may have had good results in him, think about how it makes you feel.
I agree with Emily, that we learn other people's behavior and how to work with it. Of course we are going to try to get what we want from anyone, from them to leave us alone to getting them to adore us (or at least pay attention). The bad part would be, IMHO, when we are purposely manipulation people for our gain, or being destructive- like wearing clothing that draws guys eyes because we are feeling insecure (that is destructive, but there is something deeper there, too).
But I don't think that adapting to others behavior is wrong. I don't think that trying to be his friend or letting him trust you was a bad thing, certainly. As long as it's not harmful to u or to someone else, I think it's quite natural and quite alright. |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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